Don’t want stepson all the time

[Sky1248]

I want to see if I’m being unreasonable at all and all comments are greatly welcomed!

I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years and when I first met my step son he was just turning 2! He was always very clingy to his dad and I always tried which sometimes I loved having him and sometimes I dreaded it!

we now have a 3 year old and 9 month old together and sometimes I appreciate the times it’s just me my husband and my kids however my husband is saying he wants our stepson included in everything and wants to invite him to absolutely everything! Even my 30th meal I said don’t worry about inviting him as he’s quite rude to my family that were coming but my husband was adamant he wanted him to come.

i have no person issue with my step son I do find him a bit spoilt and he has such a better life with his mum always doing nice things so I don’t know why my husband always wants him with us.

am I unreasonable to say I sometimes want to do things without him and just our kids?

But they are also a part of your family unit, are biologically siblings with your own children (so will probably look alike and have similarities), share your home with you etc etc

A bit more than just ‘being there’

@Rabbiehdbek and I ask again, do you see your aunts/uncles who married into your family as not being family? As an aunt or uncle who married in is no more related to you than your step child is, you are family by marriage, not blood. When you marry your partner you are committing to them but also their child.

He wants him at family events because he's family

@Sky1248 Because his dad left early we have to compensate for that for rest of his life do you mean?
100% you do

@Copperoliverbear i don’t agree, unless this woman was the other woman and split the family up and took the man off the woman and kids I personally don’t believe because his dad left they have to do anything unless it is be there for that child but that doesn’t mean at every event. I mean a child friendly one yes most likely because why not but a meal out? No not really.

see my last answer. It will be the same.

You are not committing to them and their child. That’s not the vows. 😂

Right…. They have a commitment, not the step mum. They have no commitment to a step child and they don’t have to have them involved in every part of their life… least of all their birthday!

That's nonsense! When you commit to someone who already has a child, it goes without saying that there's an element of commitment to that child. Anything else is patently ridiculous! The child could live 100% with their parent...

I agree up to a point that the stepmum could have her birthday celebration without stepchild even if I think it's a little mean if she is having her own children.

However, it's stupid to deny that they don't have a level of commitment to the child, via his father!

No. They are only part of the family unit when they are around. They are not permanently apart of the family which means they don’t have to be involved in everything and a step mum doesn’t have to do anything with them at all.
They are half siblings, not full siblings so will also naturally be closer and look like their full siblings more so).

I actually can't get my head around this from the OP - "so I don’t know why my husband always wants him with us."

@Sky1248 I assume you want your children always with you so why do you expect your DH to feel differently about his eldest child?

@Rabbiehdbek of course they are "permanently a part of the family"!!!! What is wrong with you?!!!

It’s not stupid at all, they don’t have any commitment to the child at all.
They don’t have to look after, babysit, run around for their step child in any way shape or form.
They don’t have to make their food, put them to bed, clean their clothes.
They can opt out of every single part if they want. They don’t have to involve them in every aspect.

That's so callous and cruel.

Just the real world. Not every step mum wants to go around treating step kids like their own. They want time without them around, they don’t want to go the extra mile or any miles at all to do stuff with their step kids.
At most they tolerate them.

You make stepmums sound like monsters.

Stop being so dramatic.

Not every step mum wants to go around treating step kids like their own. They want time without them around, they don’t want to go the extra mile or any miles at all to do stuff with their step kids.
At most they tolerate them.

So true.

@Rabbiehdbek i mean that’s what their mum’s are for right?? 😂

we do what we have to but I certainly won’t be sharing my birthday with my step son and I don’t think he’d care. Even so my own daughter will be spending the day with me but that weekend my god she’ll be at my mums so I can have a night off even if it is just to stay in and go bed.

I bet half of these posters aren’t even step parents

Stop being so ridiculous then!

What child wants to be "tolerated"? That's just horrible. I would have hated any of my children to be "tolerated"!!

How is it ridiculous when 2 posters have agreed with me in the last 2 minutes.

It’s the truth. People just don’t like hearing it. They think step mums should be Grateful to have the step kids in their life, when the reality is that couldn’t be further from the truth for most!

Exactly! Give the poor step mums a break and God forbid they have an occasion without a step child involved.

So does that mean then that mums who have a child with a previous partner plus children and step children with their current partner- their own child from a previous relationship is not a permanent part of the family unit? Only when they are there?

So if you have a child from a previous relationship, that child is not a core part of your family unit? They dip in and out?

and they do dip in and out don’t they…. They are out when they see their dad and in when they are around there mum.

Wouldn’t advise getting into a family set up like that though. Sounds complicated.

I really, really hope you are not a stepmum. Your attitude is disgusting.