To those SPs on their knees. I quit step parenting a year ago and it’s bliss!

[IQuitStepParentingandILikedIt]

I know my pov is quite rare so I wanted to share about the most peaceful year of my adult life.

DSD and her abusive mother made my life hell continuously in large and small ways. I was ready to leave DH last Christmas due to the unhappiness I felt trapped within.

Instead, I told DSD (17) and her mother that neither were to come into my home again. Ever.

There was the predictable slew of abuse etc but nothing they weren’t returning my decade’s worth of kindness with anyway, so I took it on the chin and blocked them on all platforms.

In this one year, my mental space has opened up so much room for creative pursuits, friendships, lovely outings and holidays with DH and our DD. No drama, no abuse just peace and safety.

I’ve just had the most calm, warm and beautiful Christmas ever and I don’t regret my decision one bit.

As women, we are held to saintly standards and expected to love another man’s children, carry a huge burden of domestic labour and mental load to meet their needs. We’re expected to allow step children to get away with overstepping our own boundaries and often feel like strangers in our own homes. Weekends interfered with, plans changed, no thanks from anyone ever despite the enormous sacrifices.

Best decision I’ve ever made.

Sad it had to be this way but DSD and her mother wouldn’t even meet me half way so I was out. And it’s bliss.

@Chocolatebuttonns
Of course it's her parents fault.
OP chose to get with and have a child with one of those shit parents.

Why complain about it now when you knew exactly what you were getting into.

Now the child has 2 shit parents and a shit step parent.

As I said well done OP for adding more shit to this child's life.

@Chocolatebuttonns
Do all was wonderful until OP had her child and then her partner turned into a shit dad.

Yeah right.

If the SD started acting out after the OP had her baby it was more than likely she was pushed out.

@Chocolatebuttonns
Yes she kind of did have a crystal ball.
He'd been a parent for 7 years already.

Unless he was a great parent until OP came on the screen.

I don't think OP is the victim.

I think the stepdaughter is.

@Chocolatebuttonns

Common sense.

If you are with a man with a child you can see what kind of father he is.

Or not?

I'm not sure if it wasn't stored originally in the 30 only section of mn (which they delete after a certain time) but I'm sure others more clued up on mn will be able to find it if I'm wrong . I suspected it was moved that section due police involvement and also to safeguard all involved.

I'm guessing ops intention that thread wasn't supposed to be revived in this one (and me and other posters remembered the previous one - which was memorable for all the hideousness) and given how dammed awful people have been on this thread to op and remain to be I actually don't think that will persuade people who have already made their minds up re op. I doubt she cares tbh, I wouldn't certainly. I do remember though that it was one thread where the response was pretty unanimous in terms of what went down which was pleasant surprise given what usually happens on mn (and by this thread currently)

For what it's worth I'm sorry it happened to you as a child. I truly do believe every child deserves to be safe guarded. And I'm with you re the irony of people who hit their kids and expect the kids not to hit. Sadly I think though that I hoped for a happier ending for all involved- this is probably the best outcome currently and dsd may reflect when she's older and realise actually that wasn't right.

I actually know and have met parents who have chucked older children out of their home due to their abuse towards the other children in their household.

Just because you personally don't know or have met people it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

The SD isn't.

@Chocolatebuttonns
OMG even you said the SD was the way she is because of her parents.
That's 2 parents.
If his daughter is abusive of course he is responsible for that. He is her father.

Unless you think it's all her mothers fault and he is a blameless victim.

Nice bit of misogyny there.

@Chocolatebuttonns
So maybe he was father of the year until his second child was born.

That's even worse.

No wonder his daughter won't speak to him.

@winewine so maybe lay off the wine for a bit ?

We all like a hit of wine but to completely gloss over the part where the sd aged 17 repeatedly abused a young child so much the police got involved makes me think you have had one too many and it's clouding your judgement or that your reading ability is severely lacking ...

@namechangnancy
And what was the father doing in all of this.

@Chocolatebuttonns
Maybe because her mother didn't ban her from the house.

Why is everyone sticking up for this spineless passive man?

Just imagine the answers if a woman banned her child from the house in favour of her new man and child.

It would be your child comes first.

I really don't understand the double standards on here.

Women are supposed to put their children first but men are not.
Until it's his child with them.