Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

[blanketsmell]

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

The last line of the OP: "AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?"

So you can take your double exclamation marks elsewhere.

I think their childhood toys belong in their childhood home, which is presumably where their mother lives. I do think you need to keep your little one out of their rooms though, if they are teens there will be stuff that is not suitable for her to play with, perhaps their dad can sort out a lock of some kind.

Whoops, sorry - so she does. I take it all back then, she does want to treat it as AIBU.

FFS @blanketsmell you are certainly getting the rough end of things here. For those saying OP shouldn’t go to the toilet without taking her DC, or accusing her of deliberately allowing DC in the room to break things, give your heads a wobble, accidents do happen!

In reality, it is impossible to keep your eyes on a child every second of every day. The OP did tell her DSC to put things out of site/reach, as DC can now open doors. If OP had gone into her DSC’s room, to move things, she would have been accused of invading their privacy.

Give the OP a break. The DSC have to take some responsibility in this too, as they didn’t move their toys when told, so they will hopefully be more careful in future. However it would be a good idea to put a bolt or hook on the door, so that DC can’t get in, in the future.

My now 8 y.o. did this when she was 2/3 so yes, some children will

My dd has a room at my house, and one at her dad's.

She has sentimental items in her bedroom at both of her HOMES.

Her dad's partner has children. Luckily he's a great dad, and his partner is a nice person, and they wouldn't dream of telling dd that she had to move the sentimental items she has in her room there to my house for any reason. It's her HOME. Her ROOM.

So many posters saying "send their stuff back to their mum's" and "tell them to take it back to their mum's". It's frankly awful.

What a way to make it clear that their dad's house isn't their home.

Fucking hell!

😂 touché!

Accidents do happen but I think you show an uncomfortably blase attitude towards your step-children's things, which seems to be linked to some kind of resentment towards their mother.

This is colouring your ability to properly accept that it was your and their father's responsibility to make sure their things were protected, whether you approve of those things or not, by keeping your toddler out of their rooms if the toddler can't be trusted not to break things that are important to your step-children.

You are so unreasonable this has got to be a reverse. They have every right to keep their old toys in their bedroom and not expect them to be damaged.

Yabu
Get a safety gate. Monitor your baby & apologise to your stepchild. Obviously the item can't be replaced so buy a lovely thing (from your little one) to give their sister/brother with a sorry on it

You need to teach your child that they are not allowed in their step siblings room unless the step sibling is there and says they can. You also need to teach them to be very careful with toys, especially ones that are not their own. This is definitely poor parenting on your part, the step kids should not have to be worrying about their things getting broken at their dads while they are at their mums - I'm amazed you can't see that.

Your child must be very careless with toys if they went in there and broke something in the time it takes you to go to the loo.

The responses she's getting aren't because she had to pop to the loo for a couple minutes, we're all human so we know she can't be blamed for that. The problem is her dismissive attitude to the whole thing "I won't apologise for needing the loo" "replacing it won't do any good" "it's SC's fault for leaving the toys there" etc etc. It does come across that she really has a problem with the fact that her husband has children from a previous relationship.

I want the toddler many posters seem to have. The sort that you can teach not to go in certain rooms and not to trash stuff.

Or to be the mum these people are; the one who never takes their eye off the toddler, who toddler proofs the house single handedly so that my precious husband doesn’t have to, who is a perfect step mum who doesn’t get involved as that would be interfering and who, at the same time, gets involved and does everything for the step children.

This thread is hilarious, except for the poor OP who I hope has cracked open a gin and realises that if she posted this about her own child would have received a load of shrugged shoulders and comments about that’s just how it is with a sibling.

Why don’t they just take all their old precious shit back to their mum’s and put a lock on the door for anything that could be broken in future?
Why do they want old toys they’re too grown for?

This used to happen in my house with no step children, They soon learn to put things out of the way.

I wouldn’t leave my little ones to roam around alone though with stairs and bathrooms being a danger, unless your in a flat I don’t see how it can happen that easily without you noticing.

But yea tell them to take the old crap home I’m sure their mum wouldn’t want anymore broken stuff upsetting her kids.

Your attitude is bizarre. You say you're not responsible for your DSC's belongings in your house...even if we accepted that unpleasant and divisive statement, it doesn't excuse you. You're not responsible for a stranger's belongings either, but if your three year old damaged them you would be at fault - because you ARE responsible for your child's behaviour.

@blanketsmell by the way, what kind of toy was it that could have been broken by a 3 year old so easily in the space of a couple of minutes? Most children's toys are made pretty sturdy and can't be broken even by an adult that easily.
Call me suspicious but something about this story isn't adding up.

I mean, this was an item with sentimental value that your step-child was "particularly fond of". You told them to 'put it away where it can't be seen'. But if they're particularly fond of it, I imagine they want it out where they can see it and it makes them feel happy. They don't want it stuffed away in a cupboard.

It feels as though this is as much about you not wanting to be able to see the toys that you clearly dislike your step-children having at your home as it is about preventing your toddler getting into them.

If the question had been. How do I stop my toddler getting into siblings room then there would have been a different response.

Everyone recognises that accidents happen and three year old do stuff that you don't want them to do. And that you can't prevent accidents happening.

However, she literally says that it's not her responsibility and implied it's the step children fault for having toys in the first place.

The consensus is absolutely that accidents happen, and children won't always get it right. But this one cannot in anyway be blamed on the step children

Thing is. They have cupboards they can go into and cupboards with locks on so they can't. But how do you explain to a child that sometimes they can go into the fun room with toys and sometimes you can't it's tricky. So yes a lock or hook or something is needed.

Thank you all who explained this nicely to me as I'm a first time mum and no one has told me what is age appropriate and what isn't.

Their toys aren't your responsibility no! However keeping an eye on what your toddler is up to is your responsibility! The toys were in their room with a closed door you shouldn't off let your toddler in there space simple!!! Replace the toy and keep your child out off their bedroom.

Why don’t they just take all their old precious shit back to their mum’s and put a lock on the door for anything that could be broken in future?
Why do they want old toys they’re too grown for?

They probably want things that make the house feel comfortable and 'homely' to them because they have to deal with the disruption of living across two different houses and old toys feel familiar and comforting to them in a house where they have a new younger sibling who their step-mother clearly prefers to them.

You just have to explain, then remind and enforce, that they only go in other peoples bedrooms if the person is there and they’re invited in.

How so? I have no need to be in their room. That's their space. Who would object to seeing toys in their space?

So sorry for the responses you're getting on here op. I feel for you. This would be a different matter if they were all your children.

Step children should be treated equally as if they are yours however it is almost only that way when it comes to the nice loving positive things. When it comes to discipline or anything negative, as a step mum you just cannot win.

No one EVER constantly watches their dc at the age of 3. It just doesn't happen.

If your DH was that concerned about the youngest one going into hjs older dc bedroom then he could have sorted that. He could have also suggested to the older dc that they put them away. Or he could have boxed it all up and put it somewhere safe.

OR he could of just thought ahead and said to his ex -

'Sorry but these items should stay with you, we have young dc and don't want to risk them getting damaged'

But no, it has to be poor ops fault who can't even go to the toilet in peace.

However it's just one of those things, it happens, don't make a big deal, just get over it.

Ok and thank you for being kind with your response. I keep trying but sometimes it's like banging my head against a brick wall