Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

[blanketsmell]

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

I don't need to get my child to draw a picture to say sorry. They can say it verbally. That is enough.

You know all those videos online of “naughty” toddlers who have drawn on walls or poured flour all over the kitchen. Those are children who were left unsupervised for 3 minutes. The resulting chaos and damage is entirely the parent’s fault.

the older children in the house should be able to have belongings that are kept safe from the younger. The youngest will be opening drawers and cabinets. Just putting things away won’t be sufficient.

Too much information.

Keep your "little one" from breaking other people's possessions.

Yes, it wasn't done on purpose, but it still happened. Next time he could be messing with electrical equipment or something in the kitchen.

I wouldn't be happy that they brought all their stuff to my house if it were encouraged by the mother. If it's things that are precious, I would have boxed it all away also.

YABU
This is on you to prevent your young child from damaging or having access to things they shouldn't.

YANBU. I would not consider this a big deal even if the children were younger, but they're secondary age and they've been warned. My 4 year old and 10 year old DSS know if you leave something in my 1 year old's reach, it might get broken, so make sure it's out of reach. These kids are much older.

I wouldn't worry about this.

You need to apologise for allowing your child to destroy things, not for needing to go to the toilet.

Ffs so extreme 😂

That's really unfair.

This is on you, I'm afraid.

Your "little one" is able to open doors - and will start getting into places where there are things which are downright dangerous, never mind breakable.

You should have put a bolt/ hook/ child safety lock or similar at a height the "little one" can't reach.

This is just a broken toy - the next time your "little one" may end up with a nasty injury. Even if you don't care about your SC's belongings, for heaven's sake look after your child's safety.

No they were not, they were in their siblings room wrecking things. I take mine with me.

I actually have locks and bolts in odd places on some of my doors and my DD worked out how reach them all by aged 3. (They were on the doors when I moved in.) She then spent the next year working out how to open/close them. The last one was actually one in the middle of my bedroom door because it was stiff. The highest bolt she had no problem reaching at 3 but I had deliberately ensured it doesn't work. Then she has always had good balance and been a good climber.

Also the other places she learnt and had reinforced about not going into rooms and cupboards was with her childminder, relatives and family friends. These people live with older/adult children who don't want a little kid going into their stuff. And yes there are toys she can't play with in these places.

So why didn't you put a lock on the bedroom door to stop your toddler from opening it? You say it's not your responsibility but it is, because it's your house.

Like others I don’t know what you were expecting your step children to do here?

Put toys out of reach- toddler climbs up and hurts themselves.
Close door- toddler opens.
No lock on door.
Not in house to stop step-sibling.

What were you expecting- that they’d buy a padlock or employ a locksmith themselves? Would you be happy with this?

It sounds suspiciously like their only option would be to keep their toys at their mum’s- is that the real aim here- to keep their broken old shite out of your new house? If so, YABU yes.

Wow. Just wow. Sinking to a new low there with wishing ill on someone's child eh?

I suggested a picture or something similar as a way of reinforcing to your child how serious this is.

And as a way of demonstrating to the other children that this is being taken seriously and won't happen again.

Everyone involved needs to understand that it was an accident but must never happen again.

A picture, which takes time and effort, is a proportionate way for a three year old to learn and to reinforce the message that they don't go in their siblings room alone. Ever.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums

It's not predictable though is it because locks/hooks can be put on doors & it sounds as if this should have happened some time ago.

Why didn't their father bother?

Also, why are so many posters going "YABU" etc? This isn't AIBU! Do people not recognise that there are other parts of MN that don't require immediate pile ons and nastiness towards the OP?!

I'm not sure why you even posted this thread because you've decided that you're not unreasonable (even though you are), and you won't accept any other viewpoint.

Also, don't bother with a hook for the door - get a proper lock. I have a much younger brother who was an arsehole of a child and obsessed with getting into my room. After he repeatedly trashed it and broke my stuff, my parents put one of those hooks on my door, up where he couldn't reach it. Except he quickly figured out that he could unhook it by pushing it up with a toy golf club. If I put something out of reach, he'd simply drag a chair over and climb.

You need to stop blaming your step-children and properly secure their rooms. Toddlers get into things, yes, but you should mitigate it.

She's not asked whether she's being unreasonable, this isn't AIBU!!

i think the problem here is you are biased towards your 3 year old. What they did is quite normal. What your stepchildren did in having this stuff out in their room is also normal and shutting their door.

they will be upset of course they will and they need to be allowed to be. You need to apologise to them and ask your dc too and explain they did T mean to.

as the adult this is your responsibility

You clearly have no interest in what anyone else thinks or willingness to accept that you might have some degree of responsibility. I just hope you don't treat your step-children with the level of disdain that you are showing towards their things. Obviously when your child breaks something of yours there will be no need for your child to do anything to rectify the situation.

It actually has 'aibu?' In the title?