Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

[blanketsmell]

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

@blanketsmell
Welcome to the forum where dsks trump everyone else in the house, if the toys where that sentimental they should of kept them at mums, away from the eyes of a Toddler, that's deffo not you saying they can have anything in your home just that the toys are exciting, and your lo will try any means to get at them.

And as for locking your lo away in there own home at 3 is absurd, on these threads they will tell you sks should be able to free roam the house cause its there home aswell, the toy was broke lesson learned, the mum is palming the tat of to ur house so it's not lying around her house, or the dsks don't want there friends seeing there baby toys in the room.

My sis has a load of her childhood toys polly pockets and things but they are in the attic out of harms reach from nieces and nephew, as my mum said if they get to them it's ur fault and no one else's.

YABU.

They can't keep a door closed of a house they are not even in at the time. Nor is it their job to manage the behaviour of a child that is not theirs, that they are also not in the same house as. That's your job.

Presumably you monitor your toddler to make sure they don't break things in the public areas of the house? But can't extend this same rule to your SCs belongings?

It's not a good look OP.

Because the small child is your responsibility, and what it does is your responsibility. Put a lock , bolt or stair gate on the door, you can then argue that the stepchildren should be responsible for keeping the door closed when they are not in there. Though it is still your responsibility to mind your own marauding child.

You can’t please Mumsnet I’m afraid.

There are countless threads complaining about stepparents not treating step children the same as their own children.

And yet when you do I.e. siblings always have to put up with younger siblings breaking stuff, then it’s your fault for being a wicked stepmother.

It’s totally normal in non-blended families. Older kids have to keep their stuff away from younger siblings or face the consequences.

I wouldn’t stress about it.

I'm trying to think of toys secondary aged kids would have... maybe Lego?

I think having younger siblings mess about with older siblings stuff is normal in any family 🤷‍♀️

Right?? The responses are way overkill - yeah we all try to teach not to break things but I could not muster the amount of angst people are showing about it here if it happens. Things get broken now and then, and just as often by the older kids as the younger one's as they're rough with things not designed for them (thinking of my DSS). People are attaching far too much drama to it.

I would just have word with them, say Look im sorry this happened (and the toddler needs to say sorry too), then suggest you go through their things with them and help move some of the more precious things onto shelves. I would also make a point of saying you will try you best to keep the toddler out of the room but sometime these things happen which is why it is best to move some things to higher ground.

It doesnt need to be any more than that.

Its unreasonable to blame the step kids though, these things were in their room regardless of where in their room they were. I have two kids, its no different if they are biological or step, if they are at school then the youngest will always try and get in, its part of being a sibling and not their fault they didnt put things higher

Youre getting a bit of a hard time OP. I have SC x 2. My DC age 3 (older now) were told NOT TO GO INTO SC ROOM!!! But they did on occasion, to find something or to play with a toy, they got into trouble and they soon learned. I am lucky in that SC are pretty relaxed and were fine with it. I now have the issue of my DD going into one of SC room to have a nose round her wardrobe and jewellery - again, this is met with a telling off. I’ve also found my SD going into DD room to use her toiletries, it’s not a massive deal but it is a no no!

OP..Family life is messy, things get damaged and broken, it’s complicated with blends and SC but it wasn’t done out of malice - your DD was curious about her siblings room.

This is why so many people despise step parents

😂 And comments like this are why so many step parents ignore the hyperbole and stop caring what people think.

I'm not helping them do that they are old enough

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with.

so @blanketsmell these kids /their mother have foisted a load of tatty/unplayable/old toys on you and your household and somehow they’re now your responsibility

tbh, I’d now tell them to take them all back as - as mentioned a gazillion times - they’re not safe and your house isn’t a storage facility for stuff that otherwise would end up in a charity shop or tip.

no sodding way would I have this stuff being foisted on me/my house. It’s their stuff, they can store it up in their loft/storage boxes

Funny the lengths people go to to make it the stepmother’s fault.

How old are your step children?

My son was warned to keep his lego out of reach of his younger sister. There was no malice involved but it was so tempting for her and always disintegrated in her small hands. He had to learn the hard way a few times. Surely t's the same for any step sibling. I don't understand why people are accusing her of being an evil step mother. Nasty agendas.

Absolutely this!
Can't believe some the horrific comments here. Calling her a monster and accusing her of hating her stepchildren etc?! Fricking hell.

If I were OP, I'd trust my gut more before posting on here ever again. Sorry you're having to put up with such nastiness, OP. Ignore them.

These replies are particularly embarrassing even for mumsnet. It’s like they’ve never met a toddler maybe just read about one in a book one time.
To the person who replied do you hide your stuff away from your toddler, yes I imagine that’s exactly what the OP does, that’s what any sane parent does you put things up high or locked.
To all the people suggesting the toddler could get knives etc no i doubt they couldn’t because the OP has put them up high or locked them away like any sane reasonable parent would.
The OP has explained to her step children that things need to be higher than the toddler can reach. So you all think that it’s reasonable for a 3 year old to understand they shouldn’t touch their siblings toys without permission but it unreasonable for an older child to understand that they need to keep things away from a toddler.
And as for all the replies accusing the OP of lying about how long she was in the bathroom have you never heard the expression ‘just turned my back on them for a moment’ to explain the reckless behaviour of toddlers. Don’t give yourself too hard a time OP nobody can monitor a toddler for every second of the day I guarantee anyone trying to tell you they do is a liar.
As for the reply saying calling the OP is annoying for calling her toddler the little one, i have no idea why that would be annoying but i find her reply very annoying not to mention ridiculous.
Much eye rolling has been done at the major of your replies.
Honestly, accidents happen especially with a toddler in the mix. It sounds like you tried to prevent it by suggesting your step kids keep their breakables out of reach. The door hooks also sound like a good solution if you want to keep the toddler out of their rooms completely. Since according to mumsnet asking older children to keep stuff out of their younger siblings reach is a violation of their human rights.
Good luck OP sorry mumnet has been especially unhelpful on this occasion.
Epic mumsnet fail.

I have older step children and my own children. If one of my younger children damaged something of one of the older children (biological or step), I would say if it’s previous it needs to be kept out of harm’s way.

But they are all children and they should be able to leave things in their own room. So I would likely replace the broken item / apologise and see what we could do to fix things. But remind them that as a family with younger children they do need to remember these things can happen and TRY to keep precious things somewhere safe.

Probably because those in your house knew to keep items of great sentimental value out of reach of your toddlers.

Does no-one baby-proof their home these days? OP certainly advised her step children to. The SC kindly let the toddler play with the toy when they were present, but of course that meant he knew it was there and was keen to play with it again.

OP sensibly advised that the SC put it somewhere out if the way, but they didn't.
Kids will be kids and three year olds will be three year olds. And if these two were siblings there'd be no more to this situation than that.

But because one is a step child, OP must want to make then unwelcome and possibly let this happen deliberately.
So many ridiculously biased posts on here.

Yabu. It's your responsibility to watch your toddler. They had the toys in their bedroom fgs not like they left it out in the communal areas.

This is not your step children's fault. You told them to shut the door to protect their belongings which is what they did. But then your child opened the door and went in. It is yours and their dad's fault. If shutting the bedroom doors is no longer enough to keep your child out, then you and your DP either need to provide locks on the doors or ensure that your child cannot get to the bedrooms when not being supervised. Even if this means taking them to the loo with you.

Since according to mumsnet asking older children to keep stuff out of their younger siblings reach is a violation of their human rights.

I think a lot of people on MN are overly preoccupied with younger siblings being a massive imposition on older siblings. I am a younger sibling so don't have much time for the mentality personally!

Both DD1 and DSS (especially DSS) are constantly fiddling with DD2s baby toys. I'm not going to act like their toys are somehow too precious to be touched in return, it's a double standard. Younger siblings have to put up with older siblings in a lot of ways too, I'm tired of people acting like the older sibling is somehow a victim of having to put up with a younger sibling, and must not be inconvenienced by them in any way.

“Babadook76 · Today 09:09

Yabu. They shouldn’t have to hide their belongings that are in their own bedroom to stop your child destroying them. Put a lock or a safety gate up and replace the toy.

Why is that my responsibility?”

Because you’re responsible for the child!

YABU. Your DC should have been watched or prevented (by a lock or whatever) from going into their room. Your child is at nursery? So how old are they? 2 or 3? Old enough to learn not to go into rooms.

The way you’ve described this incident makes it sound like you don’t much like your stepchildren and that it somehow serves them right.