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Step-parenting

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Original poster

CMS payment & court

123 replies

Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:16

DH and I recently got married. 24hrs after our wedding, his ex wife texts demanding a call to discuss increasing child maintenance payments, saying DH doesn’t pay enough and she has had to carry all the financial load.

DH said he’s not going to call her as we’re about to go on our honeymoon and it’s really disrespectful of her to start this conversation now.

Bit of background - DH has three children. One is an adult, working full-time, one will be 18 soon and the other is 15. I am also pregnant, approaching my 3rd trimester. Their has been parental alienation from her side with the two youngest, who up until recently had very little contact with their Dad & his family for around six months, (inc grandparents) but all three came to the wedding and had a great time. Whatever narratives they’d been told, were squashed and they’re now back communicating and seeing their Dad regularly. They’ve very invested in their soon to be new sibling, arguing over who gets to babysit first and who the baby will like most.

Fast-forward to today and she’s sent DH an email saying she’s instructed a solicitor to recoup owed maintenance and get an increase.

I could totally understand it if DH had been dodging paying or even if he’d been paying the minimum- he doesn’t. He pays way above the CMS minimum and pays for any extras such as uniforms, driving lessons etc. As he should!

She isn’t a poor single mother btw. She’s from a wealthy family and has been gifted houses etc from her parents, but has spent her inheritance. She could get a job, but won’t.

It’s starting to cause me a bit of stress tbh. What is she exactly entitled to? They’ve been divorced for 12yrs, separated for 14yrs. My baby is due in a few months and I also want to protect my assets that I’ve brought to and contributed to the relationship for my child. I was going to take 9 months off, but if she’s going to drag this to court, I won’t be able to as I’ll need to get back to work to financially support if court costs are going to be involved. DH has already made it clear he won’t be reduced his payments when the new baby arrives as he has an equal responsibility towards all of his children.

What would happen if it went to court? Would I be dragged into it all too?

OP posts:
Capdontrecycle · 09/09/2023 19:19

Honeychickpea · 09/09/2023 19:15

Her fertile imagination I suspect.

Show quote history

I can’t find one single study that even alludes to this “statistic” being the truth

Nightsku · 09/09/2023 22:52

She sounds like a right scabby Cow.

namechangnancy · 09/09/2023 23:10

@Honeychickpea 😂😂😂 okay. Even if you can't Google - let's just ignore the people on this thread alone who have stated it to be true in their house.

@Capdontrecycle you know I was quite pleasant to you... Even when you made me spell out about my first born twice, I thought you were genuinely confused but now I realise actually what I was sharing about my life didn't fit your narrative and that made you confused 🙄

I always try to understand the other side of the coin, been on here for a while so people can use their judgment if what I have posted married up with my previous posts. But you know it's like talking to flat earthers and I'm not gonna waste my or your time.

Keep derailing a thread on the step parenting board making wide sweeping judgments on sp having had 0 life experience of being one 😒

@HappyStep1 should have taken your advice 😂 lesson learnt

Capdontrecycle · 10/09/2023 06:55

@namechangnancy

the fact that I can’t find o e single source to support your statement that the “statistics” prove most SM out earn their partners - doesn’t mean I wasn’t genuinely interested in the configuration of your family and appreciative of your time.

it’s a cop out to refer to a statistic and then just say “oh Google it” to anyone asking the source

Capdontrecycle · 10/09/2023 06:56

let's just ignore the people on this thread alone who have stated it to be true in their house.

no one, and certainly not me, is denying this. We are simply asking for a source for the statistic you quoted!! Good grief, I take it you’ve never written an essay beyond Pre GCSE! To ask for a source is not an attack!!

HappyStep1 · 10/09/2023 09:24

@namechangnancy I've seen previous posts by you and think/thought you're a wonderful step, I miss riding having lost the stables I went to due to covid 😔

Being a SM is a unique and challenging role, I liked your aunty reference, this is how I feel, a trusted adult in their lives.

Sorry OP, thread completely derailed Flowers

namechangnancy · 10/09/2023 09:35

@HappyStep1 ohh no !! Many have reopened now and you never lose the skill when you have learnt it ❤️

Yes I mean there's not a rule book for step families. We are just all doing our best 💐

Ladyj84 · 10/09/2023 10:08

If a person hasn't missed payments then they wouldn't need to recoup

uneffingbelievable · 11/09/2023 08:28

30% of wives full stop earn more than their husbands - this does not differentiate between first, second third wives - plenty of evidence on that subject.

So yes some do but still in the minority

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 13/09/2023 22:56

Ladyj84 · 10/09/2023 10:08

If a person hasn't missed payments then they wouldn't need to recoup

She’s now confirmed that he’s never missed a payment, but she should still be entitled to more as there is a cost of living crisis so her outgoings have increased and she can’t work as she needs to be a stay at home mum for the youngest who is in the final stretch of high school.

OP posts:
Milkkbottles · 13/09/2023 23:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the OP's request.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2023 23:26

How’s she going to cope when the kids are all adults and he stops paying her? Not your problem, at all, but it makes you wonder.

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 14/09/2023 00:02

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2023 23:26

How’s she going to cope when the kids are all adults and he stops paying her? Not your problem, at all, but it makes you wonder.

She’ll have to get a job for the first time ever. Not sure how she’ll do that with no employment history.

If she follows through with CMS threats, she’s going to end up getting less anyway. I think based on her timing and the need to constantly mention my unborn child, this is based on pettiness and empty threats to try and get more money that she feels is being withheld from her. DH wasn’t going to decrease payments once the baby is here, she knows that.

Dads should 100% make sure their children are financially comfortable and not going without. But if you want your kids to have luxury holidays and be bought cars, those aren’t reasonable expenses (especially to a Dad on an average wage) to be paid. If you want that, get a job!

OP posts:
Blendiful · 14/09/2023 17:52

She's probably kicking off because it's all fine. Her control of keeping them away isn't working so she's trying to control with money.

Check CMS calculator, assure himself he's paying the right amount, or above. Let her crack on, and tell her it's fine you'll see her in court. If he's done nothing wrong he doesn't need to instruct a solicitor of his own as she'll get laughed out of court.

He would also be in his rights to check the calculator and pay her the set amount he owes and if he wants to pay more, either give directly to the kids, put in savings or take them shopping first hand etc.

If she doesn't work I wouldn't be paying her extra to waste on solicitor fees chasing a pipe dream when he knows he's paying more. That's wasting the kids money as there is no way benefits would fund solicitors fees.

Laurdo · 14/09/2023 19:09

Blendiful · 14/09/2023 17:52

She's probably kicking off because it's all fine. Her control of keeping them away isn't working so she's trying to control with money.

Check CMS calculator, assure himself he's paying the right amount, or above. Let her crack on, and tell her it's fine you'll see her in court. If he's done nothing wrong he doesn't need to instruct a solicitor of his own as she'll get laughed out of court.

He would also be in his rights to check the calculator and pay her the set amount he owes and if he wants to pay more, either give directly to the kids, put in savings or take them shopping first hand etc.

If she doesn't work I wouldn't be paying her extra to waste on solicitor fees chasing a pipe dream when he knows he's paying more. That's wasting the kids money as there is no way benefits would fund solicitors fees.

Even if she does try to take him to court he can self represent. That's what my DH is doing next month.

Blendiful · 14/09/2023 19:54

@Laurdo
That's what I meant by his doesn't need to instruct a solicitor. Can represent himself if she has no grounds.

sundaymorningbliss · 14/09/2023 20:32

Where all these entitled people come from? She is living on a different planet by the looks of it!
It's all fine for dads to pay well above CMS but dads need to live too. Does she think she is the only one impacted by the inflation and economic crisis?

Dollyparton3 · 15/09/2023 07:53

".. she can’t work as she needs to be a stay at home mum for the youngest who is in the final stretch of high school." Do me a favour! What does she need to do for him while he's out of the house at school between 8am and 4?

Ignore this cheeky fuckery and comfort yourself in that these are the last few years of this nightmare.

DH finished paying maintenance to his very similar ex a couple of years back and it's a different world since then. The kids are independent, they can come and go when they like and the ex isn't someone he communicates with ever anymore. It seemed as soon as the gravy train stopped she stopped:

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 15/09/2023 08:43

sundaymorningbliss · 14/09/2023 20:32

Where all these entitled people come from? She is living on a different planet by the looks of it!
It's all fine for dads to pay well above CMS but dads need to live too. Does she think she is the only one impacted by the inflation and economic crisis?

Oh she’s now calling it ‘financial abuse’ because he won’t increase beyond what he does and it’s damaging her mental health because she’s going to have to buy them cars herself and he’s quote “a shit father for not having spare money for these major life events”

When we first got together he told me his ex wife was a bit nuts. I just eyerolled and thought that was the typical bloke response about his ex. As the years have gone by, I realise that was a massive understatement. She’s beyond deluded.

OP posts:
Milkkbottles · 15/09/2023 09:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the OP's request.

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 15/09/2023 09:20

@Milkkbottles probably her parents and then will try sending the bill for the full amount to my DH afterwards like usual. When he refuses she’ll then tell the kids he doesn’t care about them 🙄

OP posts:
Milkkbottles · 15/09/2023 09:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the OP's request.

Reugny · 15/09/2023 09:41

she’s going to have to buy them cars herself

😂

Is she aware insurance for drivers under 21, and even some under 25, cost more yearly than the cars they drive?

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