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Step-parenting

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Original poster

CMS payment & court

123 replies

Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:16

DH and I recently got married. 24hrs after our wedding, his ex wife texts demanding a call to discuss increasing child maintenance payments, saying DH doesn’t pay enough and she has had to carry all the financial load.

DH said he’s not going to call her as we’re about to go on our honeymoon and it’s really disrespectful of her to start this conversation now.

Bit of background - DH has three children. One is an adult, working full-time, one will be 18 soon and the other is 15. I am also pregnant, approaching my 3rd trimester. Their has been parental alienation from her side with the two youngest, who up until recently had very little contact with their Dad & his family for around six months, (inc grandparents) but all three came to the wedding and had a great time. Whatever narratives they’d been told, were squashed and they’re now back communicating and seeing their Dad regularly. They’ve very invested in their soon to be new sibling, arguing over who gets to babysit first and who the baby will like most.

Fast-forward to today and she’s sent DH an email saying she’s instructed a solicitor to recoup owed maintenance and get an increase.

I could totally understand it if DH had been dodging paying or even if he’d been paying the minimum- he doesn’t. He pays way above the CMS minimum and pays for any extras such as uniforms, driving lessons etc. As he should!

She isn’t a poor single mother btw. She’s from a wealthy family and has been gifted houses etc from her parents, but has spent her inheritance. She could get a job, but won’t.

It’s starting to cause me a bit of stress tbh. What is she exactly entitled to? They’ve been divorced for 12yrs, separated for 14yrs. My baby is due in a few months and I also want to protect my assets that I’ve brought to and contributed to the relationship for my child. I was going to take 9 months off, but if she’s going to drag this to court, I won’t be able to as I’ll need to get back to work to financially support if court costs are going to be involved. DH has already made it clear he won’t be reduced his payments when the new baby arrives as he has an equal responsibility towards all of his children.

What would happen if it went to court? Would I be dragged into it all too?

OP posts:
kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:20

Difficult to take seriously as you’re hardly an objective person

and fact he was going on his honeymoon was utterly and completely irrelevant to his co parenting Rel with this ex

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:22

and it’s really disrespectful of her to start this conversation now

not disrespectful in the slightest

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:23

she’s instructed a solicitor to recoup owed maintenance

but apparently he’s never missed a payment

ok - so you have nothing to worry about

but I suspect this woman isn’t thick and can prove that payments have been missed

CwmYoy · 08/09/2023 15:23

He should be paying considerably less. Just for the 15 year old. I hope he tells her to piss off.

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:24

She isn’t a poor single mother btw. She’s from a wealthy family and has been gifted houses etc from her parents, but has spent her inheritance. She could get a job, but won’t.

again. Irrelevant

MissJoGrant · 08/09/2023 15:25

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:22

and it’s really disrespectful of her to start this conversation now

not disrespectful in the slightest

Bit inconsiderate though, if it's he first time raising it. It sounds like the ex is a bit jealous.

MissJoGrant · 08/09/2023 15:26

*the first time

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:28

First time she’s mentioned it. Fair enough if there had been prior conversations, but nout

OP posts:
BingoandBlueyForever · 08/09/2023 15:29

If she’s entitled to nothing more than what she’s getting already then a decent solicitor is going to tell her not to waste her money surely?

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:29

He’s never missed a payment. They’re his kids, why would he want to screw them over

OP posts:
HowcanIhelp123 · 08/09/2023 15:30

Assuming you're in the UK, not sure what she thinks a solicitor will do. Unless he's a crazy high earner it's dealt with by CMS who will probably tell her he doesn't have to pay as much as he's paying. As long as a consent order was done at time of divorce I can't see how she could come after your assets either.

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:30

According to your multiple posts about you rude, self absorbed and * The two youngest are very entitled and nothing would be good enough.*

you can’t stand your SC and only the youngest very very rarely stays over

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 08/09/2023 15:31

She sounds bitter. Leave her to her ramblings.. Cms for their 1 actual dc. As per cms imo.

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:31

Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:29

He’s never missed a payment. They’re his kids, why would he want to screw them over

So no need to be remotely worried then

just a Mather of sending bank statements for the period in question

so I’m baffled why you’re so concerned

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:31

It really is. If this has been such a burning issue, why not raise it previously? He wouldn’t raise issues with her on say Mother’s Day or an important event for her

OP posts:
kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:32

MissJoGrant · 08/09/2023 15:25

Bit inconsiderate though, if it's he first time raising it. It sounds like the ex is a bit jealous.

Show quote history

Or they don’t get on in the slightest and neither she or he could give a toss about convenience either way due to a long and toxic history

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:33

Yep, they can be. Doesn’t mean I can’t stand them. As with many teens, their behaviour can be challenging, doesn’t mean I don’t love them. If my own child was being that way, I’d still get incredibly frustrated.

OP posts:
kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:33

Ok so he can supposedly prove

a) he has NEVER missed a CMS payment
b) he pays “way over” the minimum

so very odd this ex and her solicitor think she has a case

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:33

Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:33

Yep, they can be. Doesn’t mean I can’t stand them. As with many teens, their behaviour can be challenging, doesn’t mean I don’t love them. If my own child was being that way, I’d still get incredibly frustrated.

I think you may have forgotten some of your recent posts op

Original poster
Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:36

Not really, nope. They can seriously do my head in at times, yep. Doesn’t mean I hate them. Some of the behaviour that has happened has been very unpleasant, but they’re not perfect and neither am I. Again, doesn’t mean I hate them.

OP posts:
kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:37

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:33

Ok so he can supposedly prove

a) he has NEVER missed a CMS payment
b) he pays “way over” the minimum

so very odd this ex and her solicitor think she has a case

So what’s the problem?

Open and shut case

unless of course, it isn’t

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:39

Chunkychips23 · 08/09/2023 15:36

Not really, nope. They can seriously do my head in at times, yep. Doesn’t mean I hate them. Some of the behaviour that has happened has been very unpleasant, but they’re not perfect and neither am I. Again, doesn’t mean I hate them.

Fair enough
self-entitled
fussy eaters
lack of gratitude
vocalise how crap they think things are

and it is “painful” to watch your DH appease them

I will take your word for you loving them

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:39

Oh and a complete absence of respect apparently

kimchiforever · 08/09/2023 15:40

Either way

open and shut. He just sends salary slips, bank statements

which will possibly prove that
he has never missed a payment
and pays way over CMS

ToxicPositivity · 08/09/2023 15:42

But obsessed with this one aren't you @kimchiforever