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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

stepkids and dog

74 replies

ifandbutwhynot · 15/08/2023 19:07

Back again🥲

looking for advice as at my wits end to be honest.

the stepkids have just come back home from a week at ours and told their mother that my dog bites them all the time.

I’m going to stress that this is absolutely not the case. The dog is never left around the kids unsupervised and I’ve made a particular point of keeping an eye on them all, the kids aren’t familiar with dogs other than mine and aren’t always the best at listening when asked to leave him alone, not get in his face etc, so I’ve made a point of removing him from the room at times to give him space and doing my best to explain them about his demeanour, his cues etc. they do generally love spending time with him and he is the same constantly looking for fuss, play, etc from them. I’ve never even considered it a problem until now.

Unfortunately but perhaps understandably their mother has lost her mind about it and is threatening to have the dog taken off me for being dangerous around kids.

The child in question has admitted over the phone to us that she lied about it. her mother is still threatening and is saying that the child only said she lied because she was in trouble.

I’m absolutely livid and trying to weigh up my options. We have agreed that I’m going to speak to the kids this weekend about the situation but I’m unsure really of what to say! I don’t want them anywhere near each other for the time being.

aware I may be overreacting but incredibly stressed and we have the kids overnight again for the weekend. I’m weighing up simply going elsewhere with him when they come over, but I’m also not pleased to be pushed out of my own home (which is, fwiw, my flat, with my name on the lease, me responsible for paying everything etc) and honestly I don’t have too many options to be able to go anyway.

any advice on how to handle it welcome! If he was difficult with the kids I’d absolutely be considering a behaviourist but the dog has done absolutely nothing wrong so I really don’t know what to do. Trying to be as reasonable as possible and I don’t know if she’d be able to get him taken off me anyway but it’s certainly not something I’m willing to risk.

TIA, I guess 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

StressedToDeathhhh · 15/08/2023 19:10

They wouldn't be coming into the house until they've persuaded their mum they were lying and explained why. They could make up lies about you next. I wouldn't put myself in that position.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/08/2023 19:12

I would tell your oh that he needs to find somewhere else to have them for his visits, I wouldn't have them anywhere near my dog if they were lying about biting.

HippeePrincess · 15/08/2023 19:14

Surely you just say, ok send me a picture if the bite wound… which there won’t be one. She’s clearly being ridiculous to play along with it.
if my kids came to me and said they’d been bitten I’d immediately ask to see where, and when there’s no mark I’d say well it doesn’t look like you have to me. End of.

LimeCheesecake · 15/08/2023 19:14

So their mother didn’t believe them they were lying, even though there was no bite mark?

There does need to be a serious conversation happening with your DP and his ex with the dcs, why did they lie? Do they understand the potential consequences of this lie? (Either they are banned from seeing their dad or the dog that’s done nothing wrong face being put down). This isn’t a small thing to lie about.

Kweeky · 15/08/2023 19:14

Does the girl realise that saying that might get teh dog destroyed? Probably not but still she shouldn't be lying about it.

CombatBarbie · 15/08/2023 19:16

TomatoSandwiches · 15/08/2023 19:12

I would tell your oh that he needs to find somewhere else to have them for his visits, I wouldn't have them anywhere near my dog if they were lying about biting.

This with fucking bells on..... Actions have concequences.....

Original poster

ifandbutwhynot · 15/08/2023 19:16

StressedToDeathhhh · 15/08/2023 19:10

They wouldn't be coming into the house until they've persuaded their mum they were lying and explained why. They could make up lies about you next. I wouldn't put myself in that position.

Thank you, I feel less unreasonable knowing someone sees where I’m coming from! unfortunately their mother is not one for reason, said child has been caught out for lying before and it ended with us not seeing them for 6 months and going to court to get visitation back when it was deemed we were not neglecting her as she said we did. Their father (my partner) has suggested this but he has nowhere else either to take them for the weekends they’re spending with him

OP posts:

Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 19:16

TomatoSandwiches · 15/08/2023 19:12

I would tell your oh that he needs to find somewhere else to have them for his visits, I wouldn't have them anywhere near my dog if they were lying about biting.

This. Why is it your problem. My response would be “I’m happy my dog is safe and that the children are safe here. If you aren’t then it is your choice what to do about that.” Then pass it over your to your partner to deal with.

Original poster

ifandbutwhynot · 15/08/2023 19:18

Kweeky · 15/08/2023 19:14

Does the girl realise that saying that might get teh dog destroyed? Probably not but still she shouldn't be lying about it.

Ive said this, I was going to make a point of explaining it when I get to speak to them this weekend. I also wasn’t sure if telling a 7 year old how her actions might have dire consequences might backfire on me. Apologies if I’m coming across as rude btw, I really genuinely appreciate the responses!! I’m just absolutely fuming and things are kind of just coming out as I think of them 🙈

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 15/08/2023 19:20

I would be furious too. But did she have any sort of therapy after the previous incident? What's going on with her?

Original poster

ifandbutwhynot · 15/08/2023 19:20

CurlewKate · 15/08/2023 19:20

I would be furious too. But did she have any sort of therapy after the previous incident? What's going on with her?

The kid or her mother? 🙈

OP posts:

CurlewKate · 15/08/2023 19:22

The kid.

Hoppinggreen · 15/08/2023 19:22

Your Partner needs to find somewhere else to s we his kids at the weekend.
What else will they lie about, I would not want them in my home

Onceuponaheartache · 15/08/2023 19:22

Call her bluff. Ask to see proof

Original poster

ifandbutwhynot · 15/08/2023 19:23

CurlewKate · 15/08/2023 19:22

The kid.

Not that I’m aware of, no. It was another situation where even though we were found not to be doing anything wrong it was all somehow our fault anyway.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 15/08/2023 19:27

What's the situation with your DP? Why did he move in with you, has he given up his own home? Where did he live before?
I think there are a lot of issues here and your DP needs to take responsibility for ensuring his DC are happy when they visit him.

amylou8 · 15/08/2023 19:34

I also wouldn't want them in the house until this is resolved. If I did I'd be putting somem cameras up so that you can disprove these allegations (or others potentially made about you) if necessary.

Carpetislife · 15/08/2023 19:59

They need to stay away from your house. If the dog was biting so much, why did the mother and father want them to stay with you?
Kids making allegations that aren't true can be damaging.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2023 20:03

Are you married? If you're not, they aren't your step kids and where they see their father isn't your responsibility. Why are you dealing with this baggage?

carly2803 · 15/08/2023 20:16

do not have stepkids in the house until they stop lying - simple as that

Also until they can show some respect to your dog - they do not go near your house or dog

i would be absolutely livid too OP

PrimalOwl10 · 15/08/2023 20:19

They need to have contact elsewhere. Your priority is protecting your dog. How long have you been with your dp and lived together? Seems alot of drama with the mother and dc.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 15/08/2023 20:20

Why are you the one having to talk to them about the dog, surely it should be their father doing that.

Louoby · 15/08/2023 20:24

I would ask for evidence firstly and secondly, stop the children coming into your home. Your partner can meet his children elsewhere. Once they stop lying they need to apologise and maybe then they'll be invited back.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 15/08/2023 20:29

They sound very young? I think saying they are ‘lying’ is a bit strong. There will be a reason behind their behaviour. Perhaps they are scared of the dog, or don’t like leaving home to come to yours?
but I agree, this is your partner’s problem to solve. Why doesn’t he have his own place?

Trees6 · 15/08/2023 20:31

Next time, the child could allege that YOU harmed her. What then?

Get away from this situation, OP. Tell your partner that he must find his own accommodation. Tbh it sounds as if you’re being used but that’s another thread.

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