Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 28/02/2024 23:51

Is anyone there please? I am feeling desperately sad and I’m scared

OP posts:
TheWayBackHome · 28/02/2024 23:53

I'm so sorry OP- they both behaved appallingly. I'd feel the same.

TheWayBackHome · 28/02/2024 23:54

Has the house sale gone through? Can you cut all contact with him for good? It sounds like that's what you need.

RandomMess · 28/02/2024 23:59

Huge hugs Flowers

It's a shock, you were lied to, gas lit and abused.

I am so sad and sorry that you tangled with such a horrid man.

They are a complete shit show and you really are best out of it.

Be very kind to yourself you weren't stupid or not good enough your ex just chooses the easy option for him every time.

NurseP · 29/02/2024 00:02

What an utter arsehole he is!! I am so sorry for you, this must be very hurtful.
I wonder if all of his shitty behaviour was out of his guilt trying to pin the blame on you!

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 00:09

I’ve got a big presentation for work at 9am and I can’t do it. I’m shaking

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 00:14

Can someone tell me I’ll get over this?

OP posts:
DesperateHousewife2018 · 29/02/2024 00:23

I've been following your thread from the beginning. It sounds like they're absolutely welcome to each other and you will be so much better off without him, her and their children. They're no longer your worry or (even more importantly) your responsibility.

You are a strong and brave lady. You can conquer this, and your presentation.

TheCatterall · 29/02/2024 00:24

@JH20000 i promise you. In a few months from now - a year.. etc this will be nothing but a blip. It will be something you occasionally remember due to a song or an advert.

it’s shit now in this instant - how fucking strong are you for standing up for yourself and surviving all the shit that’s been thrown at you?!

massive massive hugs you absolute awesome sausage. You have got this. x

DesperateHousewife2018 · 29/02/2024 00:25

TheCatterall · 29/02/2024 00:24

@JH20000 i promise you. In a few months from now - a year.. etc this will be nothing but a blip. It will be something you occasionally remember due to a song or an advert.

it’s shit now in this instant - how fucking strong are you for standing up for yourself and surviving all the shit that’s been thrown at you?!

massive massive hugs you absolute awesome sausage. You have got this. x

Absolutely and wholeheartedly seconded!

CuteCillian · 29/02/2024 00:34

I’ve got a big presentation for work at 9am and I can’t do it. I’m shaking
I think you can do anything you set your mind too. The way you handled this awful, manipulative creature you lived with is admirable.
Your presentation will go well.
How can you fail now? (Answer: you can't Flowers)

INeedAnotherName · 29/02/2024 00:42

JH20000 · 29/02/2024 00:14

Can someone tell me I’ll get over this?

You will get over this.

How do I know? Because you have showed such strength since the beginning of this thread. You have shown compassion and kindness even when it wasn't returned. You have shown bravery. You are an amazing, intelligent, articulate woman. You've got this Flowers

InTropicalTrumpsLand · 29/02/2024 00:42

You're not alone, OP. We're all cheering for you. If you need support for a couple more hours, feel free to tag me as I'll still be up for 2 or more hours, as I'm in a different time zone.

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 00:47

He’s become patronising as hell. Apparently I don’t understand their love.

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 00:50

He’s just sent me a YouTube video on a love between a man and a woman and has said I need to watch it to understand their love. A fuxking YouTube video.

OP posts:
LiveLaughCryalot · 29/02/2024 00:53

If you are engaging with him, stop. Tell him it's non of your business and good luck to them. You have come so far, this is why he is doing this now at the final hurdle. They are shit parents. Shit human beings. Leave them to it. It won't end well.

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 00:55

I know I need to delete and block. I know I need to do it

OP posts:
LiveLaughCryalot · 29/02/2024 00:59

You do lovely. He is trying to hurt you. Don't give either him or his ex the satisfaction. So do it. There is no need for you to be in contact now if the house is all sorted. You know he's just trying to twist the knife. Pity him, he deserves nothing more than pity.

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 01:01

I promise I won’t do anything silly but I am hurting so badly. Apologies if my messages are not making sense. Just needing to type to get it out there

OP posts:
LiveLaughCryalot · 29/02/2024 01:09

Type away. But listen when I tell you, he has put you through worse than this. In the morning the hurt will have faded a tiny tiny bit. So tiny you wont even really notice but it will keep fading until you feel nothing for him. Deep breaths, you will get through this.
Try and get some sleep, things always feel worse during the night.

NurseP · 29/02/2024 01:10

His intention is to hurt you. You have shown such strength and dignity through out . You are nearly at the end of this hideous time. Keep going!!
Is the house sale complete yet?

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 01:26

He has told me they have were seeing each other for at least the last 4 months of our relationship. He says it was just sex but that they’re now madly in love with each other. I’ve been told I wouldn’t understand and that I will never understand their love.

this has all come out tonight in the wash. I know what that man has done to me but I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 29/02/2024 01:27

House sale is complete and he’s gone (most likely with her)

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 29/02/2024 01:47

You're going to be ok. I've been where you are, and you MUST break contact so that you can move forward. Don't watch any stupid, self-serving videos, etc. My ex left me to marry the "love of his life." Oh, it was the love to end all loves, it just swept him away with its intensity, blah, blah , blah. They got married and broke up a couple years later. So much for their intense, all-consuming love. It was just bs.

Let him go. He's not worth your time. Block and delete TODAY and go live. I did and I've never been happier.

BonnyBo · 29/02/2024 01:49

He’s not your problem any more. This is a man who abused you, physically and mentally, and who lied, gaslit and manipulated you.

You’ve done so well to get rid of him. Now that the house is sold, there is no need to be in touch. He is just using any contact as another way to hurt you and the only thing you can do is shut down the means he can get to you.

I’d block and delete him so that he can’t fuck with your head any more. He doesn’t deserve to have access to you and you don’t have to put up with his shit any more!