The straw that broke the camel’s back..

[JH20000]

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

He’s come out with some completely ridiculous things recently.

Another was ‘I didn’t intend to bruise you when I was grabbing you and holding you down by your arms. It’s not my fault you bruise easily and I shouldn’t be accused of being physically abusive when it’s you who bruises easily.’

This was after he last tried to grab me, holding me down by my arms and squeezing so tightly I had multiple bruises down both arms. He managed to turn it around and blame me for bruising easily.

i have screenshotted the text regarding the kids and drugs - I was genuinely flabbergasted when reading it. How the f**k can he not care that his two eldest kids bring illegal class A drugs into the house? And how can he have absolutely no sense that it would genuinely give another adult who lives in the same household a cause for concern?

At least I haven’t had to deal with his children or his ex wife lately which is fantastic.

@JH20000 I would also take a screenshot of the bruises one too.

I know you think that people might actually believe it's your fault you bruise easily. But he's literally confirmed in writing battery. Something he had accused you of. Screenshot everything and send to a trusted person in case your cloud gets hacked, phone stolen destroyed. Do it tonight.

Pa he's a fucking loon.

Pa he's a fucking loon.

Thats a good summary really.

@JH20000 im sorry you’ve been unwell like this. I hope you have the space to recover from it. I imagine him not being in the house is a huge bonus!!

Also really good you are seeing a counsellor. Getting support in RL is so important.

And you know, I wouldn’t worry too much about what he and the ex are saying. Them going on about school and the police all being responsible will make it obvious to everyone that what they were saying about you was just as bonkers.

Absolutely this - and any other written messages he sends you, thus giving you proof/ammunition if you need it later. Also later if you start to wonder if things really got that bad, or someone tries to get into your head to minimise what you've gone/are going through, those message will help reassure and restabilise you. 🌹

I’ve re-read this thread from the start and all the messages saying the same thing (leave him) have really helped when any doubt has crept in. Hundreds of posters all saying the same thing has really really helped.

This thread has been such a help and is why I’ve been wary of wanting it deleted if him/his ex wife came across it. I’ve had so so much support and it’s really helped

🤗

Good and I hopefully strikes a cord with someone else in a similar position.

Wow that message about his kids' drugs is all the proof you'd ever need that he's not someone who could ever see reason. Get well soon OP and good luck with the house sale.

Wow @JH20000 tell me again why you don't want to marry him and have a family??? 😂

Sending you so much love x

@JH20000 the main thing that I have seen make a difference between recovering from abuse or not is the support you get not only during but post.

I'm not shocked you got poorly when you got to a safer place away from this absolute psychos . I would put money on it you have been running on adrenaline for a long time and your nervous system had parked as much as it could until you were in a less stressful place.

Don't stop coming back op ❤️ you should be so proud of yourself.

Top books for reading (I work in the dv space pro bono) the gift of fear by gavin debeck and a personal favourite of mine "the body keeps score"

You sound like you are in a much better place - you’d be so good in 6 months/12 months time and it will be so worth it.

I’m just bumping this to keep it on my feed, just so I can hear when the house sale goes through…

So the sale has gone through - the end is here. I can’t remember if I’ve posted it before? I’ve also had a small promotion at work yay! So that’s all good.

he has been sticking the boot in lately via text (I know I should block him after it’s sorted). He’s admitted he ‘never loved me and never wanted to marry me’ (we had discussed marriage before it got bad). To be honest it’s like a knife through the gut. He also said he never cared enough about me to want to fix things.

So I guess for the past few years he’s lied to me about loving me, it was all a big lie. He admitted he only said it to keep me sweet and happy.

I have heard that one of his children has been charged with a criminal offence - not sure the details though.

it’s very very bittersweet. How the heck do I ever ever trust anyone ever again? I know he’s an idiot but it’s hurtful to find out.

I am still having counselling which is why I’ve had such an outpouring of feelings and emotion lately! It’s just so so hard to work on getting over this.

Thank you for updating.

Yes he will be nasty now as he knows very very soon you won’t have any contact. You are easy target still for his own short comings.
I think I said before, you can’t get over it as you are still in it! Moving and blocking him will help. All you are doing now is waiting.

Such good news about work. I take it you have somewhere to move to. I hope this all goes super fast and you get into your new place and really enjoy the peace!

Congratulations on the sale going through and your promotion.

I wouldn't take his texts too seriously. You know he lies. He's saying stuff to hurt you. He's saying stuff to justify his shit behaviour. He's saying stuff to make himself feel and look better. It doesn't mean it's true.

God he’s such a nasty piece of work, I wonder who the next target will be that will have to take the blame for their shit parenting.
He’s a deeply unhappy and bitter person, why I don’t know, but you absolutely do not have to put up with or take any thing from him any more. I’m so glad the house has gone through but I’m sorry about what he did to you. Scum bag of the lowest order

And congratulations on the promotion!

I'm so happy the sale has gone through. This is the start of the new life for you and you can ultimately block him and move on.
So glad you are getting counselling, it will help

Hooray, congratulations on the sale and the promotion. Go you! 🎉🍾 So nice to hear good news from you.

If I were you I would not reply to any of his messages and as soon as you complete on the house, block him and all of his family/friends.

He’s only texting that to you because he is hurt and so he wants to hurt you. Rise above it and ignore. He knows that you are escaping to a better knew life but he is still stuck in his shitty situation.

I wish you a very happy new life x

Oh op congratulations!!! The end is definitely here.

He is no doubt angry at the loss of control and the fact you outwitted his attempt to get you out of the property (I'd bet money he wouldn't have gone easily). The fact you've not rolled over and have fought your corner will have infuriated him so he is likely going to want to lash out saying all sorts of crap in the hope something upsets you.

At the end of the day he has shown how awful he is and what a crap parent he is. His opinion really isn't worth anything. Good luck and do block him. If he continues to contact you report him to the police for harassment.

Your freedom is near op. Then block him in all ways.

Great news about the house.

Try not to let the texts get to you. He's re-writing history. That's all it is.

Stay strong op. You are nearly free!