The straw that broke the camel’s back..

[JH20000]

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

I hope that you are recovering OP. How did the bruising happen?
Is someone staying with you to make sure that you are safe? Could your cousin help you out again?

So I assume the bruising is part of the reason why you didn’t feel safe and went to stay with family? And also part of the reason why the Police is taking steps again?

Are they any further forward re whatever they want to implement?

Also please don’t feel bad or embarrassed about crying your eyes out when you saw the GP. It’s a really normal reaction in the circumstances you are facing. It’s hard. It’s fucking hard.
Sending loads of strength and good vibes your way. Hopefully with the new year, things will get rolling again.

Sorry didn’t clarify, yes bruising is what happened on the Wednesday night from him. We got into an altercation, a bit of arguing from both sides (I won’t deny I was arguing back) and he grabbed me, the force of him grabbing and shaking me caused the bruising and arm pain

If you have not already done so, take pictures of the bruising as a record. Also delurking to say well done on your strength, I hope things work out for you

@JH20000 I'm thinking of you today x

Thank you for all your messages ❤️

I am hurting emotionally tonight and sadness is coming out of nowhere. Been sat crying for the past hour about all this. Just need to let it all out but I can’t stop.

I think with it being Xmas and NY I am feeling emotional more than ever.

It needs to come out. It's been a terribly traumatic year. It's not a wonder your emotional. I think the new year makes people reflect and that can be hard. This time next year things will feel very different.

@JH20000 2024 is going to be a great year for you. First night in your new place, never seeing or hearing from these twats ever again etc.

Take any support you can just now, anything. Don’t hesitate. It’s there for a reason.
All the DV charities, women’s aid, all of it, speak to work, get support there. Get their advice, take their support, get this thing put to bed. You can’t move on because of it, the stress is wearing you down. Emotional stress is as tiring as physical stress, take care of yourself.

Awful to read your updates. What's happening about the sale of the house now?

Let it all out OP. It’s a shitty situation that you’re going to keep ploughing through. But you’re at the beginning of the end of closing and it this chapter. A few year is about to start and I can tell you next Christmas you’d be toasting having this all behind you.

@JH20000 i hope you are in a better frame of mind in the new year and are safe.

Another week almost over, dear @JH20000. Hope you are beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel and getting some help for yourself. 🌹

Just bumping and hoping OP is doing well.

ill come back and update you all soon, things have calmed down - I promise to update when I can, I do have suspicions he’s found this thread though as he’s referenced a couple of things said in it and even once used the title during conversation, when I’ve never even heard him use that phrase before.

i know I could be paranoid, and I probably am as he wouldn’t think to nose on this forum, but I just have to be careful.

hope you’re all okay xx

Don't take any risks. I think you need to delete it. He might not but his ex might have found it. You can always update under. Different name later.

Glad your okay and routing for you x

He’s now communicating on a need to know basis.

I started counselling again recently and I am starting to unpick a lot of what has happened with the counsellor. It’s so so good to have someone to talk to in a safe space and I really recommend it if anyone is going through a hard time. The crazy thing is I miss the good times with him so so much. When we were good we were good and I miss that. I think opening up to the counsellor has stirred up these emotions and feelings. A lot of tears have been shed and my confidence now feels really low but I’m glad I can have regular sessions to talk about everything.

Thank you for checking in on me x

I have heard from someone who knows them that him and his ex wife have started to blame the school and the police for the reason their children are the way they are. Now I can’t be blamed they’ve done a complete 180!

dont say anything. Was just checking you were safe. I hope house sale goes through very very soon.

Hey everyone

sorry for not updating. I’ve unfortunately ended up in hospital (home now though) with a nasty infection. Things are really tough physically and emotionally and I can’t believe I’m still going being totally honest.

Ex is swanning around here there and everywhere acting as if he’s the victim, playing the poor victim card to everyone. I’ve heard through the grapevine he’s making me out to be the reason the relationship turned out the way it is. He had moved out though (can’t remember if I’ve said this) and the house sale is now in final stages - this is good.

He did also text me this recently which has made me do this face a few times (🙄🤔) and I thought I should share because I am genuinely horrified:

’I don’t understand why you were ever upset at my children bringing drugs into the house. I mean, they weren’t even your children!’

Yep, that’s what he said. His children used to bring home class A drugs (cocaine/crystal meth) etc etc and hide them in their rooms. He genuinely can’t understand why I was so upset at this and wanted it dealt with immediately.

Love to you all and I’m currently resting up in bed.

Bless you! I am not surprised. You have been under sustained attacks and stress for months, something had to give at some point.
I can’t believe how elated I am that he has moved out, I hope this means you are getting lots and lots of rest and quiet. Brilliant news about the house sale as well.
I hope the second you move house you get to block his number, he sounds like he would still look to you for sympathy going forward. He’s clearly crazy though, both parents are, how they have managed to get away being such terrible parents for so long.

Thank you for updating and do let us know when you finally get to move, will raise a glass to you.

@JH20000 I think I speak for all that have been rooting for you on here a sigh of relief that he's moved out and the house move is nearly done. That's amazing well done for standing your ground !!!!

Re that text it just shows how deep the denial goes with him and that family. He can tell people it's all your fault all he wants, some will believe it and some won't. I heard this saying which I have always found to be true, if people hear something bad about you via another person and immediately believe it they were looking for a reason to dislike you anyway. Those people aren't worth your time. Same applies to any bullshit this man spouts, his disfunction will show up in other ways try not to fret about.

You're about to enter your healing era lovely !!

Get well soon, meh thank goodness you no longer have to deal with him, his ex or their DC.

Jesus op. I'd send that message to social services once the sale completes. Good luck op and I hope you get better soon.

Yep. Also take a screenshot of it immediately if it's a WhatsApp as I think the originator can delete messages they send.

Having this statement

’I don’t understand why you were ever upset at my children bringing drugs into the house. I mean, they weren’t even your children!’

might end up being very useful if he becomes difficult eg about the sale and/or you can send it to any flying monkeys he recruits, once the sale of the house has completed and you've moved.

Sorry you've been ill - just putting one foot in front if the other, mentally, must be so challenging. But you're getting there and you'll soon be free of him. 🤗🌹

I'm so sorry you aren't well, do hope you feel better soon.

Thank god you took the steps to get out.