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Step-parenting

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Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
wildwestpioneer · 28/12/2023 15:02

I think in your shoes op instead to your hr department and let them know what's happening. They will be able to support you through this from a work perspective and send him packing should he ring them.

I might also log this latest trick with the police also.

Tirediam · 28/12/2023 15:14

What an absolute dick. Police, GPs etc can see through dicks like him. He thinks he’s being clever but he’s shitting himself as he’s lost control of you. This is how he gets control back and makes him look like a victim. Glad the police are supporting you. I would tell work first

RandomMess · 28/12/2023 15:20

Make a GP appointment and get it document all the abuse he has subjected you too.

Yes advise work HR & your line manager.

Flowers
InspectorGidget · 28/12/2023 15:21

Definitely log this with the police.

This is harassment territory now.

Tirediam · 28/12/2023 15:26

@InspectorGidget is 100% correct. This is harassment. You are screaming for peace and to be rid of him and his little twat offspring and crazy ex wife

GreyBlackLove · 28/12/2023 15:33

Please report each incident to the police, including him contacting your GP. I would speak to your HR department, they might be able to offer support/can be another witness should he contact them and they need to be aware so that they don't unwittingly share info about you if he calls

Keepinmovin · 28/12/2023 15:35

OP absolutely contact your workplace immediately and tell them that you are being subjected to harassment from an ex and they are contacting various places with lies.

HerAvatar · 28/12/2023 15:39

I'd be speaking to your work asap OP, don't wait for him to contact them. I understand wanting to keep things separate but he's clearly not thinking the same way so you need to protect yourself. Any shame or embarrassment is his not yours and if your employers are decent they will want to support you.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 28/12/2023 15:40

So the fact the Police is sorting stuff out is very good.
Actually the fact you’ve spoken your GP is great. For one, they now know you are ok. And you also have another proof of his ongoing harassment.

I agree you need to contact HR (I think your boss is aware of tte situation?). I’d let them know about the police involvement too just to make your case clear cut for them. If he is contacting them, 1- he’ll look like a fool again and 2- you’ll have more proof if need be of his bullying.

Id contact your solicitor too. I’m worried he is ramping the abuse up and you’re not (physically) safe. The sale of the house needs to happen asap and you need them to push so things are sorted quickly.

unicornhair · 28/12/2023 16:14

100% ring your work and let them know. They need to be warned that if he does ring he can be put through to someone who has been warned and prepped to speak to him. They will have a protocol for this kind of thing.

I would also report this incident with the GP to the police and if he does ring your work, that too. It shows a full pattern of harassment. At this point report it all so there is a full official record, every single thing he does.

I had a friend who was committed and it takes an awful lot more than someone ringing up saying they are mentally unstable. So don’t worry about that. You can refer your GP to a trusted family member as well if they are worried.

poppitypop1 · 28/12/2023 16:49

Definitely contact HR and explain briefly the situation AND the fact he is making fabricated malicious stories and that the matter has been reported to the police who are dealing.

Can you not get an occupation order to get him out of the house? Or something to stop him going near you?

ConnieTucker · 28/12/2023 16:57

Contact the police again. This is harassment. Have you a key person to contact.

Tell the police very clearly that your abusive ex is escalating his abusive behaviour.

i dont think he ever intended to let the house sale get this far. Seriously put pressure on the solicitors explaining how you are becoming more unsafe the longer it takes and what fan be done to finalise the process. Once your house is sold he no longer controls you.

Original poster
JH20000 · 28/12/2023 19:03

work have been notified and have a plan in place for if he calls - he apparently hasn’t called though. I have a horrible feeling that’s his next step though

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 28/12/2023 19:05

In that case, your work will also be witness to his harassment

RandomMess · 28/12/2023 19:09

Please speak to Rights of Woman and discuss with them a non-molestation and occupancy order.

They will guide you through the steps including the application to court.

Beenhereforever1978 · 28/12/2023 19:12

I have so much second-hand rage on your behalf.

I've been there (well, not exactly where you are but some common themes) and you are so strong and doing so well. There is an end to this, and a future that has peace for you on the horizon.

I am free, I'm poor and I've had to lean on a lot of people, I've had to go through some stuff with police and my work that I would much rather not. But I'm free. I don't have anyone else influencing my life now but me.

I was a lurker here for ages, but what I read on these boards helped me so much with getting out. You're in the thick of it right now but know that you have a whole legion of women who keep you in their thoughts, and maybe a whole future legion of women who will read this and get out themselves.

Flakjacketon · 28/12/2023 19:15

I have read many distressing and heartbreaking threads on MN but yours is probably the most distressing. I admire your strength of character under unbearable pressure and am willing you on from the sidelines. Stay strong it will all end one day 💐

Original poster
JH20000 · 28/12/2023 20:09

Please know I’m reading all your comments so I apologise if I miss any questions. Thank you all, I’m utterly frustrated and upset at all this.

OP posts:
UWOT1 · 28/12/2023 20:48

@JH20000 could you get your solicitor to right a cease and desist letter?

HerAvatar · 28/12/2023 20:55

JH20000 · 28/12/2023 19:03

work have been notified and have a plan in place for if he calls - he apparently hasn’t called though. I have a horrible feeling that’s his next step though

Let him, all he's doing is adding to the evidence that he's harassing and abusing you. It's good in a way that he's now doing it publicly, abuse thrives in the shadows so the more he involves other people the more obvious it is what he's been doing to you and the harder it will be for him to get away with it.

tianabiscuit · 28/12/2023 21:49

I am aware of two separate situations where malicious calls were made to workplaces.

One was my own boss many years ago. The other happened to a friend. In both circumstances their workplaces were very supportive to them and certainly in the case on my friend, it didn't end well for the malicious person (my friend decided two could play at that game and let's just say the malicious person's workplace didn't decide to support them...).

unicornhair · 29/12/2023 08:20

Let him turn his behaviour public. Can’t keep denying then can he.
But no fun for you. I’m sure if it overwhelming and confusing, please get support from anywhere that offers it.

scaredofff · 29/12/2023 10:38

I stumbled upon your thread while looking at another and couldn't not leave a comment to tell you how amazing and strong you are and to keep going. I'm so sorry you're being put through this. I will keep popping by for your updates as you'll no doubt be on my mind. I was in a dv relationship before meeting my dp and some of the things your ex has threatened were things my ex did to me (throwing my belongings out of our flat window etc. and constantly frightening me)
So this esp has really drawn me to your story. Like pps I want to offer you another handhold. I don't have much good advice to give but trust me I'm another one rooting for you and hoping you get out of this soon
I think your ex (and his ex) are a pair of scumbags. Please be careful and seek as much irl support as you can xxx

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/12/2023 12:22

I have been to the GP this morning as I have bruising down my arm and I can barely lift it, the GP doesn’t think any lasting physical damage thankfully. She thinks the muscle was sprained but I’m glad I got it checked out, even if was on my own and crying my eyes out. I feel as if I’m crumbling.

Family have both been in touch to say they’ve not received any further contact.

OP posts:
Tirediam · 29/12/2023 13:17

Please tell the police about the bruising if you haven’t already

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