The straw that broke the camel’s back..

[JH20000]

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

Yes don’t put any specifics, just let us know you are okay and things are actually moving. Pity it’s not all sorted by Christmas but hopefully means a good 2024.

just reaching out for a hand hold. Feeling utterly miserable about everything today. Just had a good cry but the emotions of it all have hit me hard today. Trying to get over the fact he wasn’t the man I thought he was. Bloody hard.

It'll get better OP. Just keep thinking of that.
And of what a strong person you've been, faced with some frankly evil crap from multiple assholes.
Remember there's so many of us at the other end of the screen rooting for you.

The end is in sight op. Take strength from that. Lots of women won't be as strong as you. 2024 will be a great year for you without the whole lot of them dragging you down..

It's normal. Its part of the grieving process. You are grieving the life you thought you were going to have and the relationship you thought you were going to have. It's all part of the process. It will pass.

You can’t get past this because you are still in the middle of it. You need the place to be sold and for you to be somewhere else. Only then will you feel in control of your life again.
The best thing is you didn’t waste more of your life on him.

One step at a time OP, you have been a fucking super hero to get through everything you have so far, not much longer to go.

Yes cry, grieve the idea of what you thought your relationship would be, but then remember the hell you've been through and find your strength. You deserve so much better

Every day is a step closer to your freedom, dear @JH20000 - hold onto that. If you didn't feel sad about how your life with him and how you've been treated by his family you'd be a robot. Instead you are a very strong human woman who's been through a lot and you're still standing, still planning for your better life. Keep on keeping on - you are doing better than well. Keep thinking (and journal your thoughts somewhere where he definitely will never see/have access).

Remember you have done nothing wrong - they can all stew in their own juice once they're out of your life. Sending you strength and wishes for a better future OP. 🌹

Just checking in @JH20000 and
hope you are going to have a nice peaceful Christmas.

It’s been a bit of a rubbishy time this Xmas due to family situations etc but things were progressing well until yesterday - he turned on me and I’ve had to leave for a few days for my own safety.

He has now gone on a verbal rampage blaming me for everything that’s gone on and sending my family all the details, lots of apparent screenshots etc to them and telling them I’m suicidal (which I’m not). Cue frantic calls from family asking if I am OK. Of course he is making himself look like the victim with this.

@JH20000 im sorry he is getting even more if a pain in the arse.

I wouldn’t worry about him looking like the victim. I mean that’s what he is trying to achieve. But I doubt your family is going to believe that after he told them you are suicidal when you’re not!

Have you told the Police about the new situation? If you’ve had to leave because he was getting dangerous, then you really have to report it.

@JH20000 you poor thing. I suggest you tell your family to block him. They don't need to engage with him for any reason?
Stay strong. You are strong and you have a solicitor and you can get shot of this horrible situation and split up from this man and move on with life. It will get better I promise

Just feel this isn’t going to end.

i feel utterly mortified he’s now telling everyone about the situation, especially with him making up things. He’s trying to make out I’m a monster, when he’s the one who has been gaslighting me, hurting me physically and lying.

Police have been notified in my crying my eyes out state - I had to report it though.

So sorry OP.
Please take a member of your family and go back to the house.
He can leave then.

I am worried he’s found this thread so I don’t want to write down what the police are currently doing just in case but they’ve been supportive.

I have always suspected that he would flip when it comes closer to the house being sold/you having a full separation from him.
I suspect he has realised how much he has fucked up and he’s going to be left finding somewhere else to live and having total responsibility of his children without you to dump on/blame.

Hopefully legally this starts to get sorted and this house is sold soon. Please do harass your solicitors and let them know how important for them to get this done in a timely manner.

Are you getting help from Women’s Aid etc I’m sure they have seen all this behaviour before sadly. You need to have no further contact with him if possible.

Hopefully legally this starts to get sorted and this house is sold soon. Please do harass your solicitors and let them know how important for them to get this done in a timely manner.
This op. Explain to your solicitors the danger you are in and they need to be proactive.

Agree. She needs to keep her house and her self respect and posters giving her a hard time won't help!!

15? Omg what an abusive twat he is.

I can understand a child of 2-5 doing this but 15 is one year away from being able to vote, join the army and get married for fucks sake. These kids are going to turn out as absolute social horrors.

I’ve just had a call from my GP. He’s gone and rang them, saying he’s concerned that he thinks I’m mentally ill and need urgent help.

What the actual fuck?!?!

OP you need to let GP and also utilities and any other public services know about this situation. He will continue to harass you and will find any way possible to do this. You need to get marked on ALL personal files that he is estranged and has no legal powers over your affairs. You may want to let your HR dept know as well. He won't stop at anything. Your solicitor needs to take out an injunction I'd say

The GP was a bit confused about the situation because no doubt he would have been ranting and raving at them about me - I did explain quickly what was going on and thanked them for calling but I did say I didn’t need medical assistance currently. She said he apparently wants me referred to a psychiatrist, the GP obviously said she nor the reception team could discuss those matters with him and that would be a private and confidential conversation between me and the GP. As it stands I don’t need a referral.

i have a feeling he may try my workplace next - I’m not sure what to do about that one, I am honestly not sure if approaching HR would be the next step? I’ve been trying to keep my work life and personal life separate so I’m really hoping he doesn’t contact them.

Get in first imo.. Work need chance to support you right now op.