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Step-parenting

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Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/12/2023 18:13

Please make it very clear to the police and SS that these are malicious reports. Ask SS how to put this in writing to them.

Darkandstormynite · 06/12/2023 18:56

This guy definitely had a plan to manipulate you out of your house. His ex was in on it for sure. They wanted it for themselves and were going to use social services to get their way. You need to have a talk with SS to get the malicious complaint evidence you need. Then make a statement to the Police and apply for an occupation order, pending sale of the property. Get it sold as soon as you can and get away from this dangerous pair.

How long can your cousin stay?

Whilst you can't change the locks, you can put some bolts on the door in the meantime. That way you can feel safe when you're in the house.

Good idea to get the paperwork so you can prove ownership if needed.

God they're awful, just keep safe and get this done as quickly as possible.

UWOT1 · 06/12/2023 19:07

@JH20000 I'm gad you are safe and he has left. I wouldn't be surprised if they come back to harass you later. Can your cousin stay? At a minimum I'd ask someone to be on standby to come over if anyone kicks off. Also, first sign of trouble you call the police.

Bluebellsbells · 06/12/2023 19:48

Oh you are amazing! It might not feel like it right now but you have won a major battle here. There is absolutely no way, no amount of bullying, relentless pressure, threats or phone calls to social services, police that will stop you from being in your own home.

He may try to pull this stunt again but know that no one official (and unofficial) supports his insane view. If needs be you can do this again.

So glad you called a solicitor. You need to be free of this home. Also if you didn't call the police I would log a complaint with 101. You need a paper trail to show how aggressive and intimidating he is being.

You have done amazing!!!! Xxx

Original poster
JH20000 · 06/12/2023 19:50

Thank you to everyone for their comments. I’ve just read through them.

My cousin is staying overnight and is helping me sort out a few things.

He has sent me a text to say he is at his parents and won’t be returning until next week. His work laptop has gone so I can assume he is telling the truth.

I now have time and space to crack on with getting this nightmare over.

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 06/12/2023 19:50

Underneath I feel used and just awful, I emotionally gave everything to that man but I am learning an important lesson from it all.

OP posts:
Bluebellsbells · 06/12/2023 19:57

Is your house still sold? Did you accept the offer? If so have you got a rough idea how long it will be before exchange?

Bluebellsbells · 06/12/2023 20:00

You have got breathing space x just take it a day at a time. I'm not sure his mum will put up with drug taking of her grandchildren so just see how long it is before he is back home. But tonight it seems like you can breath x

StopWithYourNonsense · 06/12/2023 20:03

Have you got a mortgage with this man? You haven't got any children of your own but have saddled yourself with someone who is weak and is also a shit father. The ex is a nightmare, yet he sides with her!

GET OUT, RUN FROM IT.

Keepinmovin · 06/12/2023 20:20

I have just seen this whole saga and OP you are incredible. You are being so strong and the end must be in sight?
Is the house under offer ? It just needs to be sold so you can leave this whole situation ASAP. Good luck with solicitor.

brandonflowersmushtash · 06/12/2023 20:23

You're gonna feel so much better once you're out of this mess OP.
Keep on going and don't let the bastards grind you down!

INeedAnotherName · 06/12/2023 20:34

I'm another person rooting for you. Have you had a completion date through yet, if not then maybe it's time to see if the buyer can be hurried up a little. Talk to the EA or conveyancing solicitor.

RandomMess · 06/12/2023 21:01

Just be aware he could be using this time to get an occupation on the house using these false allegations as evidence. I cannot impress on you enough to report his abuse and the false allegations to the police and speak to rights of women and apply for one.

Keep on keeping on Flowers

Tirediam · 06/12/2023 21:15

What @RandomMess said. Don’t under estimate this twat face x

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 06/12/2023 21:22

You absolutely need it all reported to the police.. Now is the perfect time since he isn't there.. Start writing a timeline.. Likely you will be stressed and get mixed up if they come out and see you.

Mummapenguin20 · 06/12/2023 22:04

Glad you are not alone op

Newestname002 · 06/12/2023 23:41

@JH20000

He has sent me a text to say he is at his parents and won’t be returning until next week. His work laptop has gone so I can assume he is telling the truth.

Great that you have this breathing space of him and his children not being in the house, but be careful about how much weight you give to the timeline he's given you, or anything else he says. Remember he has his own interests at heart to the detriment of yours. Double down on your arrangements whilst you have your cousin there and other real life support you have. Cover yourself and don't rely on what you think (and should be able to rely on) regarding the legalities of your situation. 🌹

unicornhair · 07/12/2023 08:53

I hope your solicitor appointment goes well and you get somewhere legally.
All the advice about reporting them for false allegations is great as well.

Id also harass who in doing the house sale to make sure it’s all going through as quickly as it can.

Remember when this is over you never have to deal with these people again. If they do contact you, you can report them for harassment.

unicornhair · 08/12/2023 08:29

How did yesterday go?

NowYouSee · 08/12/2023 09:33

Given how things have escalated into the legal sphere it may be in the OP’s best interests not to update on detail at the moment. Who is to say the ex or friends/family of the ex aren’t reading this, and tipping them off at a critical juncture could be damaging.

Original poster
JH20000 · 08/12/2023 18:42

Hi all sorry been a long busy two days.

I’m currently waiting on the police to arrive as his ex wife has decided to bang the door down and I’m here alone - I’ve not answered but she’s being aggressive. I think she’s gone but I don’t feel safe currently.

I will update further but as per a previous post I’m having to be careful as I honestly don’t know who could be reading and this thread is very very outing. I’ll pop back later when I’ve dealt with things.

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 08/12/2023 18:44

I have a feeling she’s come around because social services called me earlier to ask about further info. Whilst I told them things they already knew and have said before, the SW did say she’d have to name me as the person who gave them the info?!?

SW has also been told I have left the relationship, leaving the household eventually and wish for nothing more to do with the family. SW also knows his ex has been aggressive to me previously, so much so I nearly called the police then

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 08/12/2023 18:57

I would do anything right now to go back in time and never have met him, I really would.

In personal news, my GP was really shocked when I discussed how stressed and anxious I was and did say no wonder you are, I’ve been prescribed sleeping tablets to make sure I can sleep for the next few days and my anti depressants have been upped. I’ve also been prescribed a short term anti anxiety med which has helped somewhat. He’s still not here.

I’ve spoken to a solicitor but I am a bit worried someone could be reading this thread so please forgive me for not saying too much about this but things are happening on this front too.

OP posts:
UWOT1 · 08/12/2023 19:06
You Can Do It Cat GIF by Abitan

@JH20000 if you're worried you could ask for it to be removed and maybe open a different thread with less identifying details just for support. You could call it something camel related. Alice the camel has 2 humps or thus camel is still going. Just a suggestion.

Still here routing for you x