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Step-parenting

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Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
UWOT1 · 04/12/2023 12:46

I would repeat over and over again. I'm not prepared to dicuss that. I'm only prepared to discuss the separation of our assets and the sale of our house. I am happy move out as soon as the sales is finalised.

wildwestpioneer · 04/12/2023 12:52

Well done op! Keep repeating this to him

'I don't want to know what's going on with your ex and your kids, it's no longer any of my business'

HarrietStyles · 04/12/2023 14:04

Well if the kids Mum says that the kids can’t be around you, then he can’t have the kids to stay with him right now can he. It’s your home and it’s not your problem, it’s his. He can either go visit the kids at their mums house, he can book a hotel or an airbnb on the days he has his kids, or he can get his arse in gear and sell the house or buy you out. Don’t let him make those bloody kids your problem any more. Grey rock him about any subject except from organising the separation and the sale of the house. Any other topic he brings you say “sorry I’m not discussing that with you, it’s nothing to do with me” or “please don’t discuss your personal arrangements concerning your children with me, it is nothing to do with me now”.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/12/2023 14:25

Dave, I'm not going anywhere until this house is sold. I couldn't give less of a fuck about what Marion says or thinks, this is my house and I live here. If you don't want your DC to see me then you can take them literally anywhere else in the world. But this is where I live, so I will be here. I have no interest in facilitating your life, so kindly fuck off and leave me out of it.

Original poster
JH20000 · 04/12/2023 15:16

thanks as always for the great responses. I have absolutely no doubt the kids will return on Wednesday when they’re due to. It’s all scare tactics and to make me worry and panic. Will reply more in a bit as at work but thank you

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/12/2023 16:42

He's just a bully and a stupid one.

Ex-W tantrums and needs to be in control therefore he tries to bully and control you.

Kids have been fed a crock full of shit for years on how to blame others and take no responsibility. Social services will tell Mum she can safeguard the DC by them staying at hers until you have left the home for however long that takes.

Their relationship is utterly toxic and frankly bonkers.

Tirediam · 04/12/2023 17:48

They’re such bad parents and they know it really, so they’re trying to involve you so social services don’t think they’re 100% terrible, and that you are responsible for some of it. Of course SS know how it’s all them. Can’t wait to hear when moving day is

poppitypop1 · 04/12/2023 21:40

Let her "report" to social services. Remember what happened last time? They showed themselves up. You've nothing to worry about. I cannot stress enough that you cannot leave or he will never vacate that house!

Original poster
JH20000 · 06/12/2023 11:26

So I’m being told I have to go to a hotel from tonight for a week else the kids are not returning. This is apparently from his ex wife.

I am staying put. I’ve told him to grow a backbone.

ETA he is agreeing with his ex and saying I need to go tonight. He’s even offered to pay for it.

OP posts:
unicornhair · 06/12/2023 11:40

He could pay for an air b&b for him and the kids to stay in. Problem solved.

stomachameleon · 06/12/2023 11:52

@Justanotherposter1 it would be a huge mistake you to go. Decline their kind invitation and stay put. If they get on so well he could go to them?

I do admire you. This must be hugely difficult. You have to see the long game :)

stomachameleon · 06/12/2023 11:53

@JH20000 that was for you.

@Justanotherposter1 my phone likes you for some reason :) sorry

NowYouSee · 06/12/2023 11:59

Like hell would I be going to a hotel. Pound to a penny he’d try and stop you returning.

Are you still selling the house? Do you have a completion date so an end in sight?

InspectorGidget · 06/12/2023 12:01

Absolutely not.

I'd probably laugh in his face to be honest.

Sorry that's not helpful but who does he actually think he is?

As pp have said he needs to book an Air BnB.

namechangnancy · 06/12/2023 12:04

He's pushing so hard for you to leave the house. I suspect it's because they are gonna try and change the locks etc, that's why he's offering you to stay in a hotel.

Most people when faced with not seeing their kids, would take them else where rather than put pressure on you op.

Something is a foot. Don't leave the house and remember record and call the police as I have a feeling this will escalated

EL8888 · 06/12/2023 12:14

namechangnancy · 06/12/2023 12:04

He's pushing so hard for you to leave the house. I suspect it's because they are gonna try and change the locks etc, that's why he's offering you to stay in a hotel.

Most people when faced with not seeing their kids, would take them else where rather than put pressure on you op.

Something is a foot. Don't leave the house and remember record and call the police as I have a feeling this will escalated

All this

Dont leave. Keep a low threshold and ring 999 if you feel threatened or intimidated by any of them

UWOT1 · 06/12/2023 12:18

JH20000 · 06/12/2023 11:26

So I’m being told I have to go to a hotel from tonight for a week else the kids are not returning. This is apparently from his ex wife.

I am staying put. I’ve told him to grow a backbone.

ETA he is agreeing with his ex and saying I need to go tonight. He’s even offered to pay for it.

Edited

Absolutely not, it's your home that you pay for. His ex and his coparenting arrangements are nothing to do with you. Don't get involved with his drama. If he wants you gone then he needs to buy you out or agree to the sale of
the property So you can both take your share of the equity.

Stand firm. This is my home which I pay for. I will not be vacating for your contact time.

Anything kicks off, which I thing it potentially will, call the police. Could you invite a friend over tonight? Might be worth having someone else around.

Did you make a solicitors appointment?

wildwestpioneer · 06/12/2023 12:28

Good for you op. If he wants to see his dc he can take them to a hotel, see them at his ex house or not see them - this is not your problem to solve!

Grey rock is your friend. If you go on TikTok there are loads of videos on this and how to do it.

Original poster
JH20000 · 06/12/2023 12:40

I may have to call the police later as he’s saying he’s going to remove the rest of my belongings himself if I don’t.

OP posts:
namechangnancy · 06/12/2023 12:42

JH20000 · 06/12/2023 12:40

I may have to call the police later as he’s saying he’s going to remove the rest of my belongings himself if I don’t.

Call the police now to get advice on this as they may need to come out and stop him.

Personally I would say to him if you touch one item of my stuff I'm calling the police and they will stop you from doing this. And I would sent it via text for back up.

They are up to something. Don't leave. Call the police I'm serious !!

MoonGeek · 06/12/2023 12:43

Don't leave. That will cause you more difficulties. It is your home; you have a right to be there.

Tirediam · 06/12/2023 12:46

Call the police now OP. Ask them to come round. Is he there ? Are you ok?
Social services are aware of THEM for bad parenting, and you’re not even in the equation!!
The pair of them are c*nts

UWOT1 · 06/12/2023 12:48

JH20000 · 06/12/2023 12:40

I may have to call the police later as he’s saying he’s going to remove the rest of my belongings himself if I don’t.

If he touches your stuff or you, call the police immediately. I'm worried for you. I think this is going to escalate tonight. Can you get a friend over?

Newestname002 · 06/12/2023 12:53

@JH20000

This is mainly a problem of his making. What is stopping him from expediting the process to buy you out? That would surely get you, him, his Ex and their children what they want - ie: you, gone quickly.

He’s even offered to pay for it.
I'm also one who'd worry you'd come back to find locks changed.

I can't remember the situation regarding your solicitor- any advice from them? Or Women's Aid? If you're having no joy from your solicitor perhaps consider moving if you can - Women's Aid should be able to help with that, especially with the threats, mental and physical abuse you've received. 🌹

Validus · 06/12/2023 13:11

CALL Them Now! Not later. You’re letting him walk all over you.