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Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
Words · 01/12/2023 17:28

Lovely, you need to get help. Phone the police. They will help you.

namechangnancy · 01/12/2023 17:34

JH20000 · 01/12/2023 15:52

So he’s just got home and said that the kid’s mum is refusing to let the kids come back to his next week unless I’ve moved out.

he’s now told me I have until Wednesday to get out else he’ll forcefully remove my things and me. He said his ex has made the decision and that’s it.

So legally he can't do this and you need to gather all proof of you paying towards the house, all documentation passports bills in your name and put it at someone's house which you trust.

If you can prove the house is jointly owned you can call the police and they will let you back into the house.

Document document document

namechangnancy · 01/12/2023 17:36

JH20000 · 01/12/2023 14:07

I received a massive dramatic text that if she gets the kids full time then he’ll have no money and he’ll have to move to his mothers. I have been told by him that I’m a massive risk to the access to his children (his words)

The dramatic nonsense this idiotic man writes, almost laughable!

Im still waiting on what I’ve done for this latest outburst of his…

None of this is your problem. So say ok go to your mothers.

Call the police or 111 they will help you and believe you.

ConnieTucker · 01/12/2023 17:51

SeulementUneFois · 01/12/2023 16:18

You should be able to get a non molestation order, so that he's the one removed from the house as he's threatening you with physical harm.
Try to get a solicitor first thing Monday, but call the police now that will definitely help. They may be able to get him out now.

This.

poppitypop1 · 01/12/2023 19:59

Get legal advice. Tell HIM to move out.

poppitypop1 · 01/12/2023 20:00

If you move out he will have NO incentive to progress or cooperate re the sale of the house. They're intimidating you into playing into their hands.

HarrietStyles · 01/12/2023 20:19

JH20000 · 01/12/2023 15:52

So he’s just got home and said that the kid’s mum is refusing to let the kids come back to his next week unless I’ve moved out.

he’s now told me I have until Wednesday to get out else he’ll forcefully remove my things and me. He said his ex has made the decision and that’s it.

Do you know this is fact, or do you just have his word that this is the case? He’s been trying all sorts of tactics to get you out the house permanently…….. as an outsider this looks to me like his latest manipulative tactic to get you out. He has no legal right to force you out of the house (even if he’s telling you the truth about his ex). Have you spoken to womens aid and the police? If not, now is definitely the time.

wildwestpioneer · 01/12/2023 21:07

If he's that worried HE can move out !

He's full of shit and making this up so you will leave. That's all he wants, it's got fuck all to do with his dc, he's using them to try and get you to leave .

Ask yourself this, if what he was saying is true, you'd move heaven and earth to ensure you could see your dc, even move.

Original poster
JH20000 · 01/12/2023 21:12

He’s textbook with the way he’s handling this now. He’s rewriting history completely to make it out we’ve always been unhappy and that isn’t it best I just go..

Gaslighting fuck. In the past we were actually rather happy.

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 01/12/2023 21:16

@JH20000 please speak to the police.

Original poster
JH20000 · 01/12/2023 21:17

HarrietStyles · 01/12/2023 20:19

Do you know this is fact, or do you just have his word that this is the case? He’s been trying all sorts of tactics to get you out the house permanently…….. as an outsider this looks to me like his latest manipulative tactic to get you out. He has no legal right to force you out of the house (even if he’s telling you the truth about his ex). Have you spoken to womens aid and the police? If not, now is definitely the time.

Show quote history

its all just his word which is why I’m dubious about what’s gone on.

will be talking to both women’s aid and the police shortly.

OP posts:
HarrietStyles · 01/12/2023 21:41

Remember that he has shown himself to be the enemy now. I know you were happy once, but is not to be trusted now under any circumstance. He is only looking out for his own interests and you must do the same.

Guiltypleasures001 · 01/12/2023 21:59

Sorry for what you are going through op
I wouldn't be surprised if he moves her and the kids in to the house
If you leave .

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 01/12/2023 22:28

Don't move out. He will never sell if you do. If you're a risk as he says (you're not. It's bullshit!) he can have his kids at his mums.

call women's aid and the police, he's abusive and it's coercive control. He can't get you out like that.

Reugny · 01/12/2023 22:32

OP as the kids are secondary school age and don't have disabilities that have been brought to any authorities attention he is talking complete and utter shite.

A child being of a criminal nature isn't a disability.

Reugny · 01/12/2023 22:33

OP if possible can you find anyone to stay in the house while you are there as well.

As PPs said you must not move out.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/12/2023 23:04

What a nightmare. You poor thing. I really don't think the police or social services will believe a word he says. They will look at the mother and they will look at the lack of boundaries and they will look at you and they will know exactly who to blame.

Is the sale going through? I wondered whether his ex-wife and he intended to live in the house and have you pay for it.

Original poster
JH20000 · 01/12/2023 23:26

This sudden change of ‘you must get out now’ concerns me. I have a feeling he wants the ex back in! Like a lot of you said earlier in the thread actually.

unfortunately I found a load of illegal drugs in one of his kids bedrooms this evening (I was throwing a load of clothes in there for him to sort that had been on the landing for a week!) I told now ex-DP and he just shrugged his shoulders and asked me why I was bothered. I always always made it clear I didn’t want drugs in the house, not that it’s stopped those kids. I feel I am not allowed any sort of boundaries in here. Thank God when I move out I won’t have to dodge packets of illegal drugs just lying around the place.

We’ve started to receive fines for the fact two of his children don’t go to school. He is also not bothered by this and has indicated he wanted me to pay them (I think the f**k not!)

How the heck he and the mum thinks social services will be more interested in me I don’t know.

The majority of my stuff is outside the house now but I am afraid one day I’ll come back and he’ll have changed the locks.

Sorry for the rant, I can’t sleep.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/12/2023 23:31

Ensure you have evidence that it's your house and you live there on you which means you can either call a lock smith to gain entry and/or the police if he refuses to let you in. Remain calm and hopefully when he is aggressive/abusive they will remove him and not you.

All the more reason to liaise with the police now and tell them about their abuse towards you and the drugs.

Stomacharmeleon · 01/12/2023 23:40

@determinedtomakethiswork to reiterate phone the police. Why tell him? Your not going to get the reaction you want and it's not safeguarding the children either.

Stomacharmeleon · 01/12/2023 23:41

@JH20000 sorry that was for you. Have no idea what happened there. Apologies @determinedtomakethiswork

Newestname002 · 02/12/2023 00:05

RandomMess · 01/12/2023 23:31

Ensure you have evidence that it's your house and you live there on you which means you can either call a lock smith to gain entry and/or the police if he refuses to let you in. Remain calm and hopefully when he is aggressive/abusive they will remove him and not you.

All the more reason to liaise with the police now and tell them about their abuse towards you and the drugs.

Good advice. Assuming both your names are on the property deeds - get yourself a hard copy delivered to you at your friends or your work address. You can order this online for a small fee I think. Also a copy of your mortgage agreement with the your bank if you can.

Also, if you are named on utility bills, especially council tax, take copies of your most recent bills and lodge them offsite too. Also get a digital copy on your smartphone and cloud account - belt and braces OP. Get your mail redirected asap - you can do that online - takes about seven days to become effective.

On the day you leave, ensure you take a photo of your gas/electric meter so you only pay your fair portion. Plus change your passwords to any shopping or streaming channels that you solely pay for so you don't get charges/locked out of your account. Change your passwords to any bank/savings accounts solely in your name if you've not already done that, plus get your salary paid into an account solely in your name, not a joint account. Sorry if this has already been mentioned up thread.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. Hold on - you'll get through this. 🌹

Original poster
JH20000 · 02/12/2023 02:15

I’m going to read through everything more thoroughly in the morning as I’m exhausted right now (but can’t bloody sleep) but the hilarity of this man continues.

He’s rescinded what he earlier said and has stated that he’s OK for me to be in the house as long as his kids aren’t here. He even said that if we were still ‘together’ then he’d also want me to follow that schedule. Can you bloody imagine being his girlfriend and moving out every other week???? He’s also stated he now doesn’t want to move out.

For anyone reading this and about to enter a relationship with a man with kids, keep your financial independence. Thankfully it’s the thing helping keep my head above water.

OP posts:
Reugny · 02/12/2023 06:29

He’s rescinded what he earlier said and has stated that he’s OK for me to be in the house as long as his kids aren’t here.

He can state what he wants but as it it is your house as well you must be in there as much as possible. Your stuff doesn't need to be. If he needs to get you to move out he needs to go to court for the right order until then you must stay put.

Try to get what he is saying in written messages.

If he threatens you because you are there a weekend or evening he is demanding you shouldn't, be call the police and say he is threatening to physically harm you.

Stop being nice.

Also if you find anything else illegal in the house do not purposely touch it with your bare hands and call the police.

Original poster
JH20000 · 02/12/2023 09:21

Thank you to everyone. I’ve read all your comments.

I’m normally one to get on and get things sorted but I think this has broken me mentally. As you know my mental health was quite poor anyway but I feel this has broken me and that I might not recover from all this. I certainly can’t see the future out of this. Dark words indeed and I know realistically this will end one day and things will be brighter but I needed to get the words written down.

today I am making an action plan of what needs to be done.

OP posts:
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