The straw that broke the camel’s back..

[JH20000]

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

The absolute worst bit was when he said ‘It was fine for me to hit you because it was reasonable force’

i mean what the actual fu*k…

Just smirk back at him and say “yeah sure”, walk away and ignore ignore ignore. He is either trying to antagonise you and trying to get you angry (possibly even to record your angry reaction so he can use it against you) or just trying to make it so awkward/difficult that you will move out asap. Keep your lives as separate as possible, ignore him and keep counting down the days until you are out of there.

Please report to local police domestic violence unit that he is making threats to kick you out etc

You need to protect yourself.

You're original post was end July...why are you still there?

@astarsheis because they are in the process of selling the house they both live in.

I actually don’t have anywhere else to go - it’s all good and well saying move out but I couldn’t afford rental payments around here (well over 1500 for a flat most likely) and with the mortgage on top I wouldn’t have enough money to live, unfortunately.

Have you spoken to Womens Aid or someone similar for support. I think you need that now and also to keep records of what is going on.
Use this thread and makes some notes on your phone of dates and things that have occurred and been said. This is a high priority just now.

I think this behaviour will escalate as moving day gets closer and he realised what a shitshow he has made of things.

@JH20000 How are you managing emotionally? Have you been seeing your therapist?

Don't be that person.

Please don't this op has taken enough shit ...

OP

Can you please have your phone on record when you're around him. Surreptitiously.
You need to record him saying this kind of crap - e.g. re hitting you. And then you go to the police, and get him kicked out.

Good grief, what are you getting out of this (apart from antidepressants...)
Seriously, does your DP have other redeeming features? This sounds impossible.

Gosh I'm so sorry, hadn't read the full thread. So glad you are seeing the light but the leaving stage can be dangerous and your ex dp has started showing his true colours. Please contact the police to discuss your situation - they can do things like put a rapid response flag on your phone number.

I doubt you've had to leave someone in an abusive relationship, it's not that simple! It takes an enormous amount out of you not to mention financial situations.

You have a dp problem

This thread has gone way beyond the Op needing to be told that!

Please try and record this.

You know how he thinks now and exactly what kind of person he is. He's a piece of shit, this is all on him not you.

Can you get a lock or bolt on the door of the bedroom you're sleeping in? You need somewhere safe you can retreat to. Use grey rock as much as you can, polite minimal communication, don't interact unless you have to then give him the smallest amount of information you need to. Leave the kids to whatever they're doing, ignore the bad behaviour, ignore his behaviour whenever possible, the most important thing here is for you to stay safe until you can get out. I hope your sale goes through soon and you can start again somewhere safely away from them all.

@JH20000 I have been thinking about you today? How are you doing?

Hope you’re ok OP

OP what about a house share? Spare room.com?

If your OH has hit you could you not apply for an occupation order to get him out of the house?

I’ve been moving my things out slowly and staying more with family lately. I’ve also put an offer on somewhere hurray!

It’s all been too much. Climax of it all happened yesterday evening when the police turned up at the house because one of his kids was caught breaking into a house. The kid then said the atmosphere at home was the reason he did it and all the blame has been put on me by the children and their father. This is a child who doesn’t go to school, lazes in bed all day and then goes out to commit crime at only 13 years old.

I am naturally upset because I’m shocked at being blamed but I’m also mentally exhausted so I feel as if I just want to leave and never come back for the rest of my belongings. The kid’s mum has had her say and is threatening to call social services again.

honestly it all reads back like a soap opera, it really does.

my family and friends are now all fully on board and have been letting me stay with them so it’s helping.

Wishing all the luck and strength in the world to get out of this horrible situation.

I’m so glad to hear that you are slowly getting away, you are such a brave lady. Keep going, you can do this. Very soon they will all just be a distant nightmare! And one day I hope that it won’t hurt so much and you will be able to laugh when when you think back on all their ridiculousness. Keep grey rocking him and I cannot wait to hear the update when you move into your new place 💐

Everyone knows the truth though that you are the scape goat, that they blame you rather than look at themselves.

Social services would laugh at their accusations behind their backs. They've seen it all before and already told your ex that his lack of boundaries is a huge issue.

KOKO 💐

Get some mates and move everything into a safe store. They sometimes do offers. It's honestly cheap at the price to never see any of them ever again.