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Step-parenting

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Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
Bored1000 · 29/09/2023 13:47

Report him…..why wouldn’t you, you are no longer partners.
He needs to learn a lesson from this otherwise he may do it again or think he can do it to other women, he is also being emotionally abusive by gaslighting you, you can also report this.

wildwestpioneer · 29/09/2023 14:09

Report him to the police.

If a stranger hit you on the head and poured gravy all over you, I'm sure you'd have no issues reporting them

By reporting it, you will ensure that if you need the police's assistance again, they will have a flag on your house, it also sends a clear message to your dp that will not tolerate and instances of abuse.

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/09/2023 14:14

Whilst the house is on the market I moved into the spare bedroom. His kids came back yesterday and two of them soon ‘went missing’, coming back at 2am drugged! They both therefore haven’t been to school because of it because they were both out of it this morning.

whilst I have detached from his kids and him, I did ask him why he is accepting their behaviour and why he isn’t trying to sort out their issues. He suddenly flipped and grabbed the first thing to him (a gravy jug!) and threw it over me. He then hit me hard in the head with his fist and when his kids asked what was going on he blamed it all on me, told them I was mental and that he was gonna get me gone quickly from the house.

He then turned to me in front of his kids and said he never touched me and I was making it all up. He then told me to back away as he was the one being abused here, not me.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/09/2023 14:17

Please report.

Speak to rights of women about getting an occupation order on the house whilst it's sold.

Flowers
UWOT1 · 29/09/2023 14:30

You need to report him every time he assaults you.

INeedAnotherName · 29/09/2023 14:32

Report him to the police. Today. Flowers

momtoboys · 29/09/2023 14:43

I would have no respect for a man that would stand by and let someone treat me that way.

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/09/2023 14:44

He’s been reported. I feel awful mentally today. He has said that if I report it then he’ll tell the police ‘what I’m really like’ apparently. In other words, he’s keen to blame this all on me.

OP posts:
namechangnancy · 29/09/2023 14:51

@JH20000 as they always are.

The police will know his kind. Take photos get evidence, keep any abusive texts. Keep a log of incidents.

momtoboys · 29/09/2023 14:51

I am so sorry you are living through this nightmare.

Bored1000 · 29/09/2023 14:57

Are you going to tell him he has been reported?
This man sounds like utter SCUM

wildwestpioneer · 29/09/2023 15:04

Well done for reporting him, it's the single most important thing you could have done to protect yourself.

Police aren't stupid and will have dealt with people like him all their working career

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/09/2023 15:47

He’s claiming he’s not hit me and it must be in my head. He’s also stated his poor kids shouldn’t have to witness me going crazy and that I need to leave immediately

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 29/09/2023 15:47

Thank you to you all for being so kind, I’m grateful I can use this thread as a release.

OP posts:
Motnight · 29/09/2023 15:47

Bloody hell. Well done for reporting him Op. I hope that you are safe.

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/09/2023 15:48

When I say going crazy he refers to me going crazy mentally.

OP posts:
unicornhair · 29/09/2023 15:55

He’s gaslighting you. You aren’t complying so he’s telling you you’re mad etc.

Can you contact a local domestic abuse charity. I think you need more support with this.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 29/09/2023 15:58

Ss will back you up op. Bet they can see him quite clearly...

Bored1000 · 29/09/2023 17:23

He’s claiming he’s not hit me and it must be in my head

I think the police can see through this stuff straight away, for your own safety he needs to leave the house and take his children with him!

LonelyFlans · 29/09/2023 18:56

This is awful OP - can the police remove him from the house? I'd argue that he shouldn't even be around his kids with that kind of temper

poppitypop1 · 29/09/2023 19:13

Bored1000 · 29/09/2023 17:23

He’s claiming he’s not hit me and it must be in my head

I think the police can see through this stuff straight away, for your own safety he needs to leave the house and take his children with him!

Agree.

And OP don't forget they did the same thing re Social Services.

Can you seek legal advice re an occupation order?

Original poster
JH20000 · 29/09/2023 21:06

Will research into the legals, thank you.

Exhausting doesn’t come close I think, it’s drained me mentally. No doubt the kid’s mum will get involved, and I think it’s why he was so determined to tell his kids that I caused this… because he’ll know she will find out.

I’ve just re-read the thread and can see a pattern in his behaviour definitely. Glad I posted here. It’s good to have somewhere to offload and gain some good advice. I agree with the poster who said that it’s not good for him to have this temper around his kids, I definitely agree.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 29/09/2023 21:30

JH20000 · 29/09/2023 14:44

He’s been reported. I feel awful mentally today. He has said that if I report it then he’ll tell the police ‘what I’m really like’ apparently. In other words, he’s keen to blame this all on me.

Dear OP, I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. This has escalated so much - I'm glad you've reported him and pray you'll be away from him and safe soon. He has assaulted you, tried to gaslight you, tried to manipulate you. Have you emailed your photos of this latest incident to your email address and also to someone you trust outside the house?

He needs to be taken out of the house and his children go back to their mother. Stay safe my dear. 🌹

Grrrpredictivetex · 29/09/2023 23:14

What a dreadful story. I really couldn't stay anywhere I felt threatened. Please be careful.

IWantOutDoI · 05/10/2023 07:07

Sorry OP, the advice is stay in your house to try to keep it…as long as he is not abusive.

No house is worth what you are being put through, I really don’t understand what you are doing, sorry. You don’t need to over analyse things, just leave. It doesn’t matter who is the abusive person, who is in the right or not, I cannot believe that being in the position to be able to buy him out (and therefore find another small place to live pronto) you seem to have embraced the choice to continue going back to baby sit and search in the middle of the night for misbehaving children that are not your own and to support a couple that is openly abusive to you.

Where is your self respect OP? why do you continue to go back to them? you can leave but you are choosing to stay, why? Try to get some counselling, there is playing the martyr and there is playing the martyr, the less self respect you show to them the more abuse you are going to get. You talk a lot about boundaries, where are yours?

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