The straw that broke the camel’s back..

[JH20000]

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

My mood is really low tonight, I can’t stop crying. I’ve come home from work to find the house trashed by his kids and I just can’t bear it anymore. They’re completely lawless with a useless father who does absolutely no parenting whatsoever.

Are you able to go and stay somewhere for a while? I can't remember too far back but is he likely to cause trouble with selling unless you're in situ so to speak?

You should have let him call the police I have no idea why you didn't.

She shouldn't leave the house.

I think he's let them trash the house as an "up yours" for ending the relationship.

This. Painful as it is she shouldn’t leave. My solicitor was very clear about this when l was getting divorced. Plus don’t give into the entitled and annoying little shits

@RandomMess as ever you are speaking sense. I vote discreetly moving personal items to a safe location. Plus taking pictures of before / after / during

Thanks all, i know this might sound nuts but I don’t want to move out currently, it’s my home and I want to stay here. I am currently researching buying him out and keeping this place. We’ve kept civil (until yesterday) but it’s difficult.

The kids are reporting everything back to their mum and she’s just been on the phone to him kicking off because I asked one of the kids to quiten down yesterday whilst I was on a work call whilst he was screaming whilst playing his PlayStation. I can’t do right at all. I’m now not to discipline the kids at all according to him so that his ex is kept happy.

I take my hat off to anyone taking on step kids I really do. Hardest thing I’ve ever done and I honestly don’t ever want to be with a man again if he has children.

Ban them from being in the house unless their Dad is their to supervise?

No it's ops house and mum isn't her boss in ops house. As you know ops a human all in her own right.

She has every right that she should be able to tell the kids to keep it down if she's working.

If dad does like it then because mum gives him a earful then yes dad has to be home to supervise the kids or dad moves out.

Fuck me it's really depressing this type of comment.

OP
Given how he's treated you you can disregard his demands.
If the kids make noise or whatever other behaviour have no hesitation to tell them off.

Change the WiFi password so they can't access the internet. Don't babysit the children if ex is out. You can't discipline then therefore they need to leave the house when he does. If the children are home they are his responsibility.

Id just not stop nagging them. Want to report it all to mum - crack on. Let them. What’s she going to do. Whinge to your partner. That’s his problem.

Get a lock on ‘your’ room and maybe hide anything precious to you somewhere they won’t look (towel cupboard/loft??).

Id make sure you do exactly zilch to
facilitate him or his children. No cooking for them or laundry etc.

From this point forward they are just people in a house share.

it will be an uncomfortable few months but you will get there. But it’s going to be uncomfortable for you whether or not your are calm and passive or push back.

think they’ve taken drugs.. if they are underage report to the police due to concerns for child welfare etc.

gone missing. Report to the police.

stop playing nice or gentle.

Op remember he wanted you out. I suspect they're trying to push your buttons to make you leave. Good luck.

Seconded. WiFi is now for your work. If they don't like it they can go back to their mums.

Absolutely stop being helpful to them in anyway. I’d also lock away anything personal in your room. Don’t provide them with WiFi, babysitting, food, tv streaming passwords. Nothing.
As above, report to police and report to SS. If mum doesn’t like it she can keep them there.

Not your problem if his ex is happy. If kids are misbehaving in your house you can either be able to tell them to stop or their dad can see them elsewhere. You shouldn't just have to tolerate it in your own home.

It's not your job to give him an easy life. He's not giving you an easy life is he?

The kids are reporting everything back to their mum and she’s just been on the phone to him kicking off because I asked one of the kids to quiten down yesterday whilst I was on a work call whilst he was screaming whilst playing his PlayStation.

If you have neighbours on both or one side that would be able to hear him simply state that you don't want any neighbour complaints over his noise.

If the broadband is in your name change the wi-fi password and don't share it with them, if it is not change it during working hours and change it back.

The alternative is to log on and use the parental control software to block the playstation and their phones plus any steaming devices during your work hours.

Wow op.

I'd actually be calling SS back and telling them what's happening.

And yes to the wifi.

I’d leave him or ban kids from my home.

How are you doing @JH20000? Hope things are a bit calmer and you are able to plan for a more peaceful future? 🌹

Today ex DP hit me and threw a glass of (well now cold) gravy over my head. After I was clearly upset and shaking he said I had made it all up and he never touched me.

Just wanted to update but also have somewhere to express how I felt

Do you have any marks, I would report this immediately! How DARE he lay a finger on you!

He hit me on the head so I can’t see any marks as my hair is fairly long, but I do have a photo of me covered in gravy ( just in case). My heads not with it at the moment so I’m all over the place.