Anyone else not watch their SC?

[Tapasgoofy]

I see it a lot on here how loads of step mums watch their step children/child while their OH work, go out etc. A lot seem to resent it or get taken advantage of constantly..

Do many others have a similar Set up to myself? I pretty much never have my step child on my own. I don’t say yes to extra days at ours if my OH Isn’t about etc.
I will occasionally watch all the kids on the evening if they have gone up to bed and he ants to go out to see friends etc but that’s it.

I always feel my life is so much easier this way, less stress etc. Am I the odd one out?

Nope you sound sensible.

It's the same in our house. Best way to stay sane IMO.

Mine are older now but I had this setup when they were young. Dp and his ex saw contact as time with dad rather than mums break and were flexible with each other so managed it between them. I don't think I have had them alone barring a couple of emergencies and if he popped to the shops.

I used to occasionally when DH worked shifts and DSS was little. He was such a sweetie that I didn't mind and it was occasionally. We then had 3 more kids and he more than paid me back in babysitting them for free!

Maybe different because my dc have never known their biological df but my dh parents them the same as our joint dc. He does school runs, activity drop offs and cooking for everyone.. Tbh our relationship would never have lasted if it was my dc and our dc attitude..

I literally do no child care for his DC even though I wfh. My DH has his kids when his wife works (three days a week) and Sunday. He pays a ridiculous amount of maintenance considering he has them Sundays too so more than half the week. I would get really resentful if I had to facilitate his exes job while my DH is rinsed financially. I have never been asked and I will never offer.

I’ve only ever had to have my “ step child” while both his parents are at work or if my partner chose to do an early morning Saturday shift then too

I'm the same as you OP. My DP will ask friends who have know SC since birth. So I can count on my hands the times I've been asked. Even then it has never been for a full day.

His ex is high conflict while they only have written communication by doing this avoids SC having to deal with hearing us being abused.

Him looking after his own children isn't babysitting or paying you back for providing him with free childcare. It's parenting.

It may also be because your DC lives with you.

My step child doesn’t live with us.

What about Step fathers looking after their children? You see plenty of posts on MN maintaining that any good man takes on any step children as his own and he should treat them no different to his own children. Some MN mothers seem to believe that her children automatically should have the right to be treated exactly the same by step fathers and step grandparents as biological children.

Very rarely. But on the odd occasion DH asks I do.

I'm the same as you. If a job comes up while DSS is here I will sometimes watch him for the day as we need the money, but I don't agree to plans for us to have him while DP is working that have not been formed yet.

Even when stepmothers have their stepchildren fifty /fifty, there are plenty of posts damning step fathers who treat their step children even slightly differently. One rule for step mums it seems......

And my relationship wouldn't have lasted if dp had your attitude. I would have run for the hills if he had expected me to do this.

I know step fathers who have.

I also know step fathers who when they have split from the SC mother the SC lives with them and their (half-)sibling. Either by choice, if old enough, or decided by the family court.

On MN as it's audience is primarily women and no-one posts here unless they are dealing with crap, you don't get to hear about all the different types of families involving step-parents out there.

@NewNameNigel I think the poster means the step son baby sits for free. Not the Father.

There is a lot of research that backs up the historical view that Step mothers have a more combative relationship with step children than Step fathers do.
It is certainly not always the Step mothers fault but in general many step children have a better relationship with with step fathers than step mothers.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stepmonster/201106/why-its-easier-love-stepfather-stepmother

You see on MN, conflict all the time between step mothers and step daughters. Far more common that between step mothers and step sons.

Nope. I have kids of my own to deal with.

I don't find that to be the case tbh, I don't find that the majority of the threads are about SDs. If anything I think there are more about SSs.

I don’t look after my SD on my own, other than for 10 minutes while DH nips to the shop, or a couple of times when he had to go to a work meeting.
I’m not part of the childcare arrangements and nor would I be as his ex is high conflict and shows me no respect (doesn’t show DH any either for that matter).
I have my own DC, and although older, my DH has never looked after them so I think it’s a fair balance we have

Sorry the He in this is DSS he regularly used to take his half siblings out, babysit or have them for sleepovers. He is considerably older (now 27). Completely agree DH once made the mistake of using the term babysitting for his own children and I told him exactly where to go!

I have my sd on my own semi often if my husband and her mum & her dh are working at the same time. I’m only a SAHM and she’s training for an important job, I have 3 of my own and I love having her, it doesn’t make a difference if I have 3 or 4 with me, I’m just happy to help out so everyone else can be at work when they’re supposed to be!

@aSofaNearYou
But that is not what the research quote above shows. Stepmothers are far more likely to have a combative relationship with stepdaughters than step sons.