Anyone else not watch their SC?

[Tapasgoofy]

I see it a lot on here how loads of step mums watch their step children/child while their OH work, go out etc. A lot seem to resent it or get taken advantage of constantly..

Do many others have a similar Set up to myself? I pretty much never have my step child on my own. I don’t say yes to extra days at ours if my OH Isn’t about etc.
I will occasionally watch all the kids on the evening if they have gone up to bed and he ants to go out to see friends etc but that’s it.

I always feel my life is so much easier this way, less stress etc. Am I the odd one out?

No, I watch dsd if needed (adult but sn) she is part of the package and to be honest I'd take her in full time if we had space/suitable home should the need arise (she's in a care unit) if you do t want to deal with step children, why are you with a parent???

The article uses US research. A country were in general step-parents are supposed to be more involved in their step-children's lives.

High conflict ex who instead of calming down over the years continues with their batshittery.

Quite a few people now think my DP's ex has psychological issues.

I was a single parent when I met my dh. Him being a parent was part of the deal. He adopted my daughter per her request later.

If my choice had been between a partner who refused involvement with my child or staying single, we’d never have married or had the younger kids.

This 100%.
If you don't want to deal with children that aren't yours, don't get involved with someone else that already has them. It's simple

I have my 2 SC when my partners at work in school holidays.. and one stays with me when he takes other to football training. I don’t resent it I love having them, this summer I can’t go away as we have a dog that’s too old and ill to leave with anyone so DP is taking DSS DSD and my DD on holiday on his own. He tries to have school holidays off but not because I don’t want to “watch” them I work partime and have my DD home anyway but he books it off work so he can spend time with them.

Lots of sad responses. My husband loves my daughters as his own and parents them in the same way any father would. They also have their dad. How can more people to love your children ever be bad?
I would have done the same for his children if he had any before we met.
Feel sorry for children who don't have that to be honest.

I agree @Milamight we have lots of step parenting in my family because of deaths, divorce and teen pregnancies. All of the step parents have been involved and great. DSS once had a boyfriend of his mum's who wasn't great but she got rid of him sharpish. DH would have chosen DSS's wellbeing over having me in his life and that made me love him all the more.

They have 2 parents that can deal with them. Just like our kids have 2 parents that deal with them.
I go above and beyond for my own children but I’m not doing that for my step
child when they have 2 parents still.

Most of the people that come on saying they wouldn't be ok if their spouse was like this are resident parents. That's fine, I can see why the relationship wouldn't be practical in that situation, but when your partner is a non resident parent you can do things differently, it's not necessary to pitch in as much as they have so little time to cover as it is.

The op meant the stepchild not the father, babysat the siblings.

Like you op.

Have had SD a handful of times when emergency has come up (by emergency my dh had accidentally chopped off half of his finger when wood working with dsd) and I didn't want dsd have to go sit in a and e waiting room.

I know people will clutch their pearls but I also don't expect my dh to have my DD unless it's a emergency ect.

Comparing sm and sd isn't a far comparison. Like we know statistically speaking mums tend to do more of the child rearing than dad even if their parents hands on.
To be considered a good SD or dad apparently the bar is just for them to exist in the house. To be considered a good mum or sm... well let's say the bars much higher.

And you see it play out on this board a lot to.

I spend a lot of time with my SD when she’s with us, and do more activities with her than her dad does.
If I was a SAHP I wouldn’t mind having SD sometimes if DH was working, but I still wouldn’t do it to help out high conflict BM because I’m not free childcare to be used by someone who shows me no respect. Also I don’t think it’s fair to expect so much from someone who isn’t their parent, when in a lot of cases that person wouldn’t be allowed parental input into the child’s life as BM or BF would not like them “interfering”.
Just because some step parents don’t take a share of the childcare doesn’t mean they don’t help with the parenting or don’t care for their SC’s and should avoid dating/marrying people with children altogether

Only on MN have I encountered this mean spirited attitude. My DH married me when I had two children from previous marriage- he’s done masses for them from sorting them out for school every day for years (they went to the school he taught at) , looking after them if I wasn’t around to paying for them. My step mother essentially brought me up and i carried on living with her once my dad and her split up.

My DH’s family are my family.
All our kids are kids of our family.
I couldn’t live any other way.

No one takes the pass wrt childcare

Yes, totally agree with this. Not providing childcare does not equate to doing little with/for them during normal contact time.

I shared older dc with exh. At 12 and 14 they asked to live full time with me. Dh went and collected them. No discussion tbh. He knew being with me /him was the best for the dc. No regrets. It was me and dh invited to important events. Not exh. They have great love and respect for my dh. He never made them feel unwelcome or unwanted.. Or an inconvenience..

My dh treats my dd exactly the same as our son. They have all grown up with a equally shared amount of love and never feeling second best. I would never have married a man who would do any less.

Obviously there's exceptions - secondary families may not see the children very often or a step parent may come to a family when kids are older . But I strongly feel if your not willing to parent a child don't get involved with someone who has children.

I don’t strongly feel the same way you do.

Mu step child has two parents and im not willing to run around after them unless it’s an emergency.

My step child doesn’t live with us though so doing things such as dropping them to school etc doesn’t happen.

If I was to be asked to have them extra then it would involve getting them as the mum doesn’t drive, dropping them back and then watching them for hours which I’m not willing to do.

Once upon a time my dh's dsc didn't live here.. If he hadn't agreed to them being here he would have soon become an exh.. How would you cope op?

I'm not sure how you have changed ops question from - do you watch your DSc ?

To you make your DSc feel unwelcome 🤯

Only very occasionally. They have actual family to watch them if my DH is needed at work.

Me too.

I wouldn't be with someone who refused to step up and pull their weight as a parent to my children. I think it's a red flag personally.