My partner dislikes my child

[Mumof6yearoldboy]

Sorry I’m advance for the length of this I just needs a little advice that’s not from my friends and family I’m being made to feel like my child’s a problem and I apparently can’t see it. I have a 6 year old son and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 1 year. We recently moved in together in may. Previously it’s just been me and my son living alone together since he was a small child. My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards because apparently I’m a push over, who has no rules and we should be instilling zero tolerance into our children to teach them rules.
yet everyone who meets my son laughs there heads of, loves him and he receives nothing but good feed back at school. My partner is very strict and regimented and I’ve always just been fun, laid back and allowed my son to be a child. I think he’s kind, caring, loving, funny but talks a hell of lot. I think he behaves like most other children, he often needs asking to do something 2/3 times, he doesn’t really answer back but does have an answer for everything, he stalls bedtime for 10 mins with im hungry, thirsty, need a wee. These are things my partner has highlighted as a problem aswel as…..
He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.
Sly and vindictive - he will wind my partners 2 year old up. I’ll hold my hands up here he does do this but is that not normal sibling behaviour.
Rude- he questions some things my partner says and checks with me if it’s correct. I always support my partner when he’s dealing with issues.
Spoilt- if we go to the shop I will buy him something like a £1s worth. I don’t spend loads of unnecessary money.
Nosey- he’s started to listen in on adult conversations, then will ask questions.
Selfish - he doesn’t really like my partners 2 year old playing with his figures because he thinks he will break them, I encourage sharing which he will do with select toys.
Since my partner moved in my child now has to share me and his home/bedroom with a man and his child I feel like these are big changes which he has accepted really well and I don’t personally think his behaviour is that terrible I feel like he behaves normal. I feel like my partner is constantly nit picking at the smallest of things like because today said we was going to a play area but the play area turned out to be closed and my child briefly sulked or because he’s left a wrapper on the side, he even moaned because he wanted to bring a pocket full of rocks home from the park.

Now I read :) well done op! Very happy for you and your child. Absolutely right decision.

I also have a 6 year old. All the things you describe are exactly like my son (taking rocks from the park, listening into adult conversations, looking after toys so little brother doesnt break them etc) these are totally normal and what my son's friends are like. A childhood is fleeting but the most important time. Your son will remember you choosing your horrible partner over him .

Listen to your gut here - this situation will get worse and your son in no time at all will be affected emotionally by this constant nit picking and his behaviour will get worse or he will withdraw as he is becomes anxious, or worse still if the 'disciplining becomes physical'.

This man doesnt respect you as by criticising him he is also critical of you. Get out of this relationship while you still have some self worth. This will get eroded over time making it even harder for you to leave.

First things though- get him out of your home NOW. Do it asap.

Throw the man away. Your son deserves to live IN HIS OWN HOME with people who love him unconditionally.

This man is justifying his actions as "I'm strict, and want to run a well-disciplined home". But he sounds very, very close to tipping over to the other side of "strict", which is "abusive".

Correct decision, OP. Your little boy sounds like a lovely little lad, and I don't even like kids that much!

Op - you proved you weren’t a pushover by kicking him out.

He's got to go today!

He will demonise your son and ruin him emotionally and physically. Your son is still a small child and he sounds a typical small child. You have to protect him.

I feel really quite sick reading this.

Well done op. I hate hearing of families where a step parent moves in and decides their step child is bad and needs severe discipline/abuse. You regularly see the extreme cases in the news, but there will be many more cases where the step child doesn't die, but is emotionally damaged.

Absolutely echoing what others have said - you can't stay with this man, he will make your child's life miserable and your child will resent you for allowing it. I grew up with a step father who only tolerated me because I came as a package with my mum - and kicked me out as soon as I turned 18 - and this sort of thing leaves lasting psychological scars.

Just seen update - good decision.

I'd be out the door yesterday

whether your son is misbehaving or not ( hes only 6 , and adjusting to a blended family and mums boyfriend doesnt like him )
isnt the issue,
the issue is that your boyfriend lacks respect for you and has disdain for your son, i can tell by the strong negative word choices he using

if he had concerns about your sons behaviour, if he cared about you and your son , he would try to bring it up gently
your partner has the ability to be a male role model for your little boy but it sounds like he isnt up for the job

also beware of single men with children with really young children , they are usually looking for a woman that they can use for free childcare and a free maid

your boyfriend probably sees your 6 yr old as taking up too much time and resources that you could be spending on him and his dd

please leave , your little boy he is innocent

Absolutely not, sorry but this has really alarmed me. You need to get your child out of there. Please google 'zero tolerance' approaches from stepfathers that have ended up murdering their stepchildren, 'regimented' is another red flag word for me too. I'm a safeguarding lead and this is all too familiar. The abuse will escalate, this is your chance to safeguard your child x

I think you made the right decision, it is not normal to describe a child in those terms. That being said, you described yourself as laid back and fun parent. A lot of people would struggle with this parenting style.

But why? Why post all this when you have already thrown him out? He just got his child and left in the time you were on a walk? It's all very strange.

I don't think you should keep going with this relationship. He sounds like he is not used to children. Does he have any of his own? Personally I couldn't be with someone who didn't like my children.

As a stepparent and a biological parent I will say that it’s much much harder to overlook a stepchild’s flaws and love them unconditionally, focussing on the good, than it is with your own children. However, you also have to have the self awareness to realise this, and put the child first by acting as if you find them delightful, even when you do not. It doesn’t seem your partner is capable of seeing this as ‘him’ issue. Loving with someone else’s kids is hard. Kids are annoying and unreasonable and without that instinctive bond it’s easy to lean into resentment. If your partner can’t get over this please please OP choose your child and leave him. Stepparenting needs really sane and self-reflective parenting and extreme emotional maturity, I have questions about whether your DP can go the long haul with this.

Sorry just seen he has already gone. I think that is sensible.

well done for kicking him out and putting your son first. Right thing to do.

I only read so far tbh and haven’t read the comments but massive alarm bells are going off. There is absolutely no way on earth you can stay with this man. Protect your son!

Well done for dumping his toxic ass.

My mum married a man who didn't like me. They were married for 12 years. 40 years on I'm still dealing with the memories and flashbacks.

Put your child first.

Wrong thread sorry, have asked for it to be removed

Well done for chucking him OP. You’ve been strong and you won’t regret it. You rightly realised the relationship with your child is the one to invest in for life.