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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My partner dislikes my child

253 replies

Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:34

Sorry I’m advance for the length of this I just needs a little advice that’s not from my friends and family I’m being made to feel like my child’s a problem and I apparently can’t see it. I have a 6 year old son and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 1 year. We recently moved in together in may. Previously it’s just been me and my son living alone together since he was a small child. My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards because apparently I’m a push over, who has no rules and we should be instilling zero tolerance into our children to teach them rules.
yet everyone who meets my son laughs there heads of, loves him and he receives nothing but good feed back at school. My partner is very strict and regimented and I’ve always just been fun, laid back and allowed my son to be a child. I think he’s kind, caring, loving, funny but talks a hell of lot. I think he behaves like most other children, he often needs asking to do something 2/3 times, he doesn’t really answer back but does have an answer for everything, he stalls bedtime for 10 mins with im hungry, thirsty, need a wee. These are things my partner has highlighted as a problem aswel as…..
He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.
Sly and vindictive - he will wind my partners 2 year old up. I’ll hold my hands up here he does do this but is that not normal sibling behaviour.
Rude- he questions some things my partner says and checks with me if it’s correct. I always support my partner when he’s dealing with issues.
Spoilt- if we go to the shop I will buy him something like a £1s worth. I don’t spend loads of unnecessary money.
Nosey- he’s started to listen in on adult conversations, then will ask questions.
Selfish - he doesn’t really like my partners 2 year old playing with his figures because he thinks he will break them, I encourage sharing which he will do with select toys.
Since my partner moved in my child now has to share me and his home/bedroom with a man and his child I feel like these are big changes which he has accepted really well and I don’t personally think his behaviour is that terrible I feel like he behaves normal. I feel like my partner is constantly nit picking at the smallest of things like because today said we was going to a play area but the play area turned out to be closed and my child briefly sulked or because he’s left a wrapper on the side, he even moaned because he wanted to bring a pocket full of rocks home from the park.

OP posts:
Dreamingofthathouse · 17/07/2023 08:28

I know many 6 year olds the same age as yours and from your description your son sounds absolutely lovely.
Your partner sounds completely out of line calling your son all those things when indeed, it’s just normal 6 year old behaviour.
Please leave him or at least ask him to move out. If you don’t want to end the relationship after all this at least ensure your son doesn’t have to live under the same roof and spend time alone with this adult.
In your shoes, I’d be concerned if a child did not do all the things your son does (display curiosity about what grown ups are saying, be attached to his toys and not want a 2 year old to access them without boundaries, question what another adult says when it’s always been just the two of you…).
It sounds like you’ve done a great job bringing your son up so far!!

IncompleteSenten · 17/07/2023 08:33

I'm glad you chose to put your child first.
Sadly, far too many parents fail to do that.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 08:37

Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:34

Sorry I’m advance for the length of this I just needs a little advice that’s not from my friends and family I’m being made to feel like my child’s a problem and I apparently can’t see it. I have a 6 year old son and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 1 year. We recently moved in together in may. Previously it’s just been me and my son living alone together since he was a small child. My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards because apparently I’m a push over, who has no rules and we should be instilling zero tolerance into our children to teach them rules.
yet everyone who meets my son laughs there heads of, loves him and he receives nothing but good feed back at school. My partner is very strict and regimented and I’ve always just been fun, laid back and allowed my son to be a child. I think he’s kind, caring, loving, funny but talks a hell of lot. I think he behaves like most other children, he often needs asking to do something 2/3 times, he doesn’t really answer back but does have an answer for everything, he stalls bedtime for 10 mins with im hungry, thirsty, need a wee. These are things my partner has highlighted as a problem aswel as…..
He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.
Sly and vindictive - he will wind my partners 2 year old up. I’ll hold my hands up here he does do this but is that not normal sibling behaviour.
Rude- he questions some things my partner says and checks with me if it’s correct. I always support my partner when he’s dealing with issues.
Spoilt- if we go to the shop I will buy him something like a £1s worth. I don’t spend loads of unnecessary money.
Nosey- he’s started to listen in on adult conversations, then will ask questions.
Selfish - he doesn’t really like my partners 2 year old playing with his figures because he thinks he will break them, I encourage sharing which he will do with select toys.
Since my partner moved in my child now has to share me and his home/bedroom with a man and his child I feel like these are big changes which he has accepted really well and I don’t personally think his behaviour is that terrible I feel like he behaves normal. I feel like my partner is constantly nit picking at the smallest of things like because today said we was going to a play area but the play area turned out to be closed and my child briefly sulked or because he’s left a wrapper on the side, he even moaned because he wanted to bring a pocket full of rocks home from the park.

Get rid of your partner.

If this had been a teenage child trashing the house, taking drugs etc, I might have agreed that the child was "challenging", but this is a 6 year old behaving the way a 6 year old does - listening to conversations and asking questions, wanting to keep their own toys away from a baby, collecting rocks that take his fancy (FFS! I do this too!) etc - this is all normal behaviour, and your partner is being unnecessarily harsh.

I'd ask him to leave and tell him that it isn't working the two of you living together. Maybe you can remain in a relationship, maybe not, but if he's like this now he will be infinitely worse when your son starts to display normal teenage behaviour.

AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 17/07/2023 08:40

Don't you mean ex partner?

Sort your poor boundaries out.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 08:41

He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.

These are horrible labels to put on a 6 year old!

He's a small boy who is still adapting to having two people - one of them a (probably, to him) annoying baby moving into his home.

He may well be unconsciously testing your love for him by teasing the baby (not that it is right, but it is normal), or even expressing his dislike of having your partner in what was his and your home only.

If your partner can't let you manage his behaviour (you are the one who knows him, not your partner) then you should go back to your previous relationship status IMO.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 08:42

AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 17/07/2023 08:40

Don't you mean ex partner?

Sort your poor boundaries out.

Succinct and to the point.

I wouldn't have anyone picking on my little 'un like this either.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 08:44

Sorry - I should have read all your posts first before sticking my oar in.

You have made the right choice.

nomoretoriesforme · 17/07/2023 08:47

Your poor child. Please protect him, get out of this relationship.

Boudiccabitesback · 17/07/2023 08:48

My friend dumped a guy that didn't like her dog.....
Seriously, he needs to go.
Protect your child first and foremost.
In doing that I believe you will also be protecting yourself.
The bloke is a wanker.

WolfFoxHare · 17/07/2023 08:49

Well done for dumping him - don't let him worm his way back in. Protect your child, keep protecting him - this man is no good.

Boudiccabitesback · 17/07/2023 08:52

I really need to rtft....
Sorry.
Really pleased you gave him to boot.
Happy days 🌺

Susuwatariandkodama · 17/07/2023 08:57

You’ve only been together a year and your partner is already living with you? Neither of you have given anyone anytime to adjust to the new relationship let alone turning your child’s whole life upside down. You’ve rushed into this and clearly it’s not working and it’s not benefiting your child in any way, no adult should ever use words such as sly and vindictive to describe a child, especially a 6 year old.
Put your son first and walk away.

Nanny0gg · 17/07/2023 09:01

Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:40

Thank you this is just what I needed to here, I’ve know him 7 years.

Not very well, apparently.

Hope it’s your house so it’s easy to get rid

AnxiousFairyQueen · 17/07/2023 09:05

This post has brought tears to my eyes but I am very glad that it sounds like you’re going to leave this man.

Rnh · 17/07/2023 09:06

It sounds to me like he’s just being a regular child and sounds like it’s affecting you and your child so put it to him although he shouldn’t need telling as you ideally want someone who is more caring and easy going sounds like he’s not. don’t get me wrong if your child is being extremely naughty then yeah all kids need discipline but not for pathetic things so it’s nit picking in my opinion a form of bullying and if he doesn’t change end it because your kids come first!

AnxiousFairyQueen · 17/07/2023 09:06

Oh you’ve kicked him out. That is very good news🙂

BodenCardiganNot · 17/07/2023 09:08

I have no reason to lie to you, it started with him saying I’ll just leave and my response being Dan right you will. I left his suitcase out. Went for a muddy walk with my son and out for tea then arrived home to him gone.

How did you explain it to your son?

billy1966 · 17/07/2023 09:11

This prize had a two year old and with you a year?

You are well rid.

He sounds like a bully that would have ruined your childs life.

He may yet reach out again.

Men that move in like this inevitably wantbto dominate.

They ruin the childhood of litte boys.
Be wary of being a pushover though.

You son needs you to be firm and strong and know that you have boundaries and standards.

Children gain security from these things.

If you don't have his respect it will absolutely become an issue when he is a teen and will inevitably push boundaries.

It is possible to be firm yet kind and loving.

It is very important that when you say you will do something that you follow through, especially when it comes to discipline.

This gives them the line in the sand feeling which helps them know that you have their back and will do what you say.

Good luck.

KateJohns · 17/07/2023 09:11

My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards

I got to here and that was enough.

Lose the partner. Your kid is your kid for ever wand ever. Your partner is replaceable and temporary.

Or, to put it another way, every day you keep partner around, you're putting that partner before your son... Is that what you want your son to remember of his childhood?

KateJohns · 17/07/2023 09:15

And that, dear children, is why you should at least read all of OPs messages on the thread before replying..

Don't let the worm back in OP.

JudgeAnderson · 17/07/2023 09:17

I'm so glad you ended things. Even if your child was the naughtiest boy on earth (and I believe your version and am not saying he isn't) he would still deserve to live with people who love him and have his best interests at heart.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/07/2023 09:20

Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:56

He’s already gone

Well done - that can't have been easy, but it was the right thing.

Now you can enjoy the summer, collecting rocks from the park with your lovely boy!

Moveoverdarlin · 17/07/2023 09:24

Your son sounds lovely. Your partner sounds horrid. Glad you’ve got rid.

AmaraTamara · 17/07/2023 09:34

Op, this is how it begins with every single child abuse case with stapdads. Especially with sons. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your boy. He's a normal 6 year old. Don't let him gaslight you, make you think this isn't normal. I repeat nothing wrong with your boy, everything wrong with with your boyfriend. He needs to go pronto. Please please love and protect your son. He needs you.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/07/2023 09:36

@AmaraTamara - the OP has already awarded him the Order of the Boot and kicked him out.

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