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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Ex and son

611 replies

Hatsof · 16/07/2023 08:23

I thought this was the best place for this. I’m not a step parent but maybe this would get the best answers to how to deal with this.

ex and I split when our son was 2. The first year we were apart he had our son every weekend Fri-mon. After that year he met a woman, she had 3 kids already, I knew about her cos of social media. I wasn’t happy about it cos I knew this would mean less time for my son so I told ex that this new relationship better not affect my son. She didn’t meet my son for about 5 months, then my son comes back to me and tells me they all went to the beach together. Ex, gf and my son… I will admit I was fuming. He didn’t discuss it with me first or ask if it was ok. I did message and call him to tell him I was not happy with this but he ignored it. This carries on then after they had been together 8 months ish my son was introduced to her children. Again, I wasn’t consulted about it. I told ex he was selfish for doing this as son is shy and wouldn’t like being around so many other children. Fast forward another 6 months and I find out via social media she’s pregnant and they are moving in together. He did tell me he would now be living with her, but not that she was pregnant! He didn’t have the courtesy of telling me before they announced it which I didn’t like at all. They told my son about the baby also without asking my input.

I did tell ex that if he did move in with the new baby and gf he wouldn’t be allowed to have our son there as it would be damaging for him. But he ignored this and did it anyway and of course I didn’t stop him seeing him but I admit I wanted to.

fast forward again there baby is now 2, and When talking to my son I get the feeling he is really feeling left out and I feel he doesn’t get the attention he did before and it’s not fair. The gf also sometimes looks after my son while ex works, I’ve also tried to stop this as I don’t think it’s right but again I was ignored. He just ignores any of my requests.

so that’s the background but now ex is saying he has a new job which means working weekends sometimes, so wants to have my son every other weekend Fri-mon, and 2 nights in the week on the weeks he won’t have him weekends. He said he can get him to school ect so that’s not the issue, my issue is he’s just being pushed out again! We’ve tried mediation cos I didn’t agree with this, I said needs to be weekends only. And the mediator took my side but he wouldn’t agree to keep things the same. So now as I’ve said no to this he said he will be applying to court. Surely the court won’t side with him on this?

sorry about the ramble but honestly I feel my son should be put first and he’s not and it’s eating me up. Any advice please?

OP posts:
deepspace9 · 22/07/2023 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jmh740 · 22/07/2023 15:35

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:48

So at the time I did ask ex about changing his name and he didn’t say no, so yes I did put his signature in. I have had google and it even says on the deed poll website that there’s nothing someone can do if someone does that cos it’s hard to prove

Did you forge his signature? That's fraud and you could be in serious trouble.

jmh740 · 22/07/2023 15:43

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:48

So at the time I did ask ex about changing his name and he didn’t say no, so yes I did put his signature in. I have had google and it even says on the deed poll website that there’s nothing someone can do if someone does that cos it’s hard to prove

Not too hard to prove you've just admitted it on a public forum

zooopta · 22/07/2023 15:48

Not too hard to prove you've just admitted it on a public forum

@jmh740 😂😂

Idiot

Reugny · 22/07/2023 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don't believe it is true but knowing some parents who have been forced to go to Court the OP's story has lots and of elements of truth in it.

The birthday and Christmas one is sadly far too common.

Ezzee · 22/07/2023 16:41

Hatsof · 19/07/2023 10:04

He gets every evening during the week!

All of what 4 hours!
You seriously need to back off and stop trying to control their relationship.
You are taking the piss if you think a few hours on a night is the equivalent of Friday - Monday.

TitoMojito · 22/07/2023 17:03

So at the time I did ask ex about changing his name and he didn’t say no, so yes I did put his signature in. I have had google and it even says on the deed poll website that there’s nothing someone can do if someone does that cos it’s hard to prove

Wow. Just wow.

TitoMojito · 22/07/2023 17:04

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:59

It’s not really fraud is it. He keeps insisting he never signed it, I insist he did. That’s how it’s been going. And I’ll show you why it says on deed poll site

But he didn’t sign it!! You're lying to court! Bloody hell. Seek help.

noglow · 22/07/2023 17:07

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 13:35

Really?? So what do I do?? I’ve basically begged him not to go through with court and he’s still saying he is. He says the mediation certificate only lasts a certain time?

You go to court then. Stop stressing about it and just get on with it.

zooopta · 22/07/2023 17:34

Why are my comments being reported and removed? I accused the OP of trolling how is that breaking Talk guidelines?

zooopta · 22/07/2023 17:37

zooopta · 22/07/2023 17:34

Why are my comments being reported and removed? I accused the OP of trolling how is that breaking Talk guidelines?

Oh wait I've just read them and it literally says "If you suspect someone of being a troll, please don't trollhunt (accuse them publicly on the discussion thread)."

Sorry for accusing you OP

monsteramunch · 22/07/2023 17:38

zooopta · 22/07/2023 17:34

Why are my comments being reported and removed? I accused the OP of trolling how is that breaking Talk guidelines?

I didn't see your previous comments but troll hunting is against talk guidelines. If you think someone is a troll, you have the option to report their posts to Mumsnet. But if you accuse them of being a troll on the thread itself, your posts can be removed as they break talk guidelines.

zooopta · 22/07/2023 17:40

@monsteramunch thank you! I questioned it before reading them. Know now Grin

yogasaurus · 22/07/2023 17:43

SeulementUneFois · 22/07/2023 14:51

I'm bemused that some people on the thread think that this is made up, or a reverse.
There's plenty of bitter and frankly evil ExWs like this one, who go on with their machinations for years and years. As you can hear from plenty of stepmums - only they're persona non grata to other women and hence not believed.

Same, I know one. Completely batshit and jealous and lost all perspective.

MNetcurtains · 22/07/2023 18:59

It's very telling that, whatever you hoped to achieve by posting here, there is not one single post which supports your position/POV. YOU are the problem OP.

strawberry2017 · 22/07/2023 22:31

He's right to go through court. You can't be trusted. You need to seriously consider seeing a councillor as you are a very damaged women.
The fact you think these behaviours are ok is terrifying.

PaintedEgg · 24/07/2023 14:38

@Hatsof you sound like you have lost a plot and you're just piling on evidence for him to use against you in a family court

Crazycrazylady · 24/07/2023 19:42

Op.
You realise that you sound completely unwell. You are guilty of parent alienation and forgery . You need to agree to what ever he wants . You could be charged criminally!!!

Hatsof · 24/07/2023 21:55

Crazycrazylady · 24/07/2023 19:42

Op.
You realise that you sound completely unwell. You are guilty of parent alienation and forgery . You need to agree to what ever he wants . You could be charged criminally!!!

I won’t cos no one can prove that’s what I did!

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 24/07/2023 22:02

Hatsof · 24/07/2023 21:55

I won’t cos no one can prove that’s what I did!

You cannot be serious

twigy100 · 24/07/2023 22:02

I really hope you've slipped up somewhere and told him you've done the name change any way with out his permission, karma is a wonderful thing OP and your deserve what's given to you in court.

I lived with a relative like you who was toxic and did what they wanted, changed the story to suit their narrative and now they are a sad lonely human being who no one wants to have anything to do with. Carry on the way your going and your fate will be the same, the only person you will have to blame is yourself

monsteramunch · 24/07/2023 22:07

I won’t cos no one can prove that’s what I did!

You have a proven track record of alienating and undermining your ex. In writing, in your emails.

If it's your word against his re him signing that document, you aren't going to be the one who is believed.

noglow · 24/07/2023 22:28

Hatsof · 24/07/2023 21:55

I won’t cos no one can prove that’s what I did!

I'm sure someone could

noglow · 24/07/2023 22:29

His girlfriend might be on mumsnet

scoobysnaxx · 24/07/2023 23:23

You'll be exposed when he takes you to court and the documents have your sons legal name on it.

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