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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Ex and son

611 replies

Hatsof · 16/07/2023 08:23

I thought this was the best place for this. I’m not a step parent but maybe this would get the best answers to how to deal with this.

ex and I split when our son was 2. The first year we were apart he had our son every weekend Fri-mon. After that year he met a woman, she had 3 kids already, I knew about her cos of social media. I wasn’t happy about it cos I knew this would mean less time for my son so I told ex that this new relationship better not affect my son. She didn’t meet my son for about 5 months, then my son comes back to me and tells me they all went to the beach together. Ex, gf and my son… I will admit I was fuming. He didn’t discuss it with me first or ask if it was ok. I did message and call him to tell him I was not happy with this but he ignored it. This carries on then after they had been together 8 months ish my son was introduced to her children. Again, I wasn’t consulted about it. I told ex he was selfish for doing this as son is shy and wouldn’t like being around so many other children. Fast forward another 6 months and I find out via social media she’s pregnant and they are moving in together. He did tell me he would now be living with her, but not that she was pregnant! He didn’t have the courtesy of telling me before they announced it which I didn’t like at all. They told my son about the baby also without asking my input.

I did tell ex that if he did move in with the new baby and gf he wouldn’t be allowed to have our son there as it would be damaging for him. But he ignored this and did it anyway and of course I didn’t stop him seeing him but I admit I wanted to.

fast forward again there baby is now 2, and When talking to my son I get the feeling he is really feeling left out and I feel he doesn’t get the attention he did before and it’s not fair. The gf also sometimes looks after my son while ex works, I’ve also tried to stop this as I don’t think it’s right but again I was ignored. He just ignores any of my requests.

so that’s the background but now ex is saying he has a new job which means working weekends sometimes, so wants to have my son every other weekend Fri-mon, and 2 nights in the week on the weeks he won’t have him weekends. He said he can get him to school ect so that’s not the issue, my issue is he’s just being pushed out again! We’ve tried mediation cos I didn’t agree with this, I said needs to be weekends only. And the mediator took my side but he wouldn’t agree to keep things the same. So now as I’ve said no to this he said he will be applying to court. Surely the court won’t side with him on this?

sorry about the ramble but honestly I feel my son should be put first and he’s not and it’s eating me up. Any advice please?

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 22/07/2023 10:56

Oh ok so you committed fraud?

It doesn't say on the deed poll site 'there's nothing someone can do coz it's hard to prove', you're being ridiculous.

Have you admitted in writing to your ex that you forged his signature to change you son's name?

Yeahno · 22/07/2023 10:57

You are trying to wind people up or you need to call a therapist first thing Monday morning. Unbelievable. True or not, call a therapist.

harriethoyle · 22/07/2023 10:59

You need help @Hatsof true or not. But perhaps that's difficult to get under your bridge 🙄🤣

Scottishskifun · 22/07/2023 10:59

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:48

So at the time I did ask ex about changing his name and he didn’t say no, so yes I did put his signature in. I have had google and it even says on the deed poll website that there’s nothing someone can do if someone does that cos it’s hard to prove

Show quote history

So what are you planning on doing? Adding contempt of court to the list of forgery when asked abour it by a judge......

If this is real you are getting yourself in hotter and hotter water!
Go to a solicitor and get a agreement signed up in the hope that your ex doesn't take you to court but tbh I hope he does!

Original poster
Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:59

It’s not really fraud is it. He keeps insisting he never signed it, I insist he did. That’s how it’s been going. And I’ll show you why it says on deed poll site

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 22/07/2023 10:59

I’m the one who does put him first! I do things with him his dad never does any 1 on 1 time ever.

Why are you even acting like you've taken on board what people are saying and realised how stupid you've been when you're still spouting nonsense like that? Just be honest, you still think exactly what you've thought from the start.

1 on 1 time is NOT the definition of putting someone first, and within the context of a family with multiple children will be very rare. You can give him all the 1 on 1 time in the world (which is purely just the natural result of you not having any more kids) but you're not putting him first if you're alienating him from his dad and deliberately making him feel upset about having siblings. It's far better to literally never see someone alone, but not have them play with your emotions like that.

twigy100 · 22/07/2023 11:02

You signed his signature, you just admitted it that's fraud. Doesn't matter if they can't prove it you still committed fraud.

monsteramunch · 22/07/2023 11:04

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:59

It’s not really fraud is it. He keeps insisting he never signed it, I insist he did. That’s how it’s been going. And I’ll show you why it says on deed poll site

I mean it literally is fraud.

This is directly from the deed poll site you keep mentioning;

Changing a child’s name without the other parent’s consent does not normally amount to fraud, unless the other parent has —
• applied for a passport in the new name
• forged letters of consent

You've committed fraud.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 22/07/2023 11:05

It is fraud. I cannot believe this story now. Nobody can be this controlling and this spiteful. If you are for real you are abusing your child.

excelledyourself · 22/07/2023 11:07

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:59

It’s not really fraud is it. He keeps insisting he never signed it, I insist he did. That’s how it’s been going. And I’ll show you why it says on deed poll site

But considering everything else he has in writing from you, the judge is going to be in no doubt that you are more than capable of committing fraud.

You've really screwed yourself big time.

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 22/07/2023 11:07

And then OP climbed on to her flying llama and flew into the sunset.

You need help OP.

frazzledasarock · 22/07/2023 11:10

I’m surprised in this case why the dad isn’t going for residency.

OP is clearly batshit and utterly screwing up her son.

EX was highly abusive I got court awarded no direct contact but even then I did not change my DC’s names despite them begging me to. Both are now in the process of changing their names as they’re old enough.

OP you’re going to get the bollocking of your life from any judge you get. If you reply as you are here, the judge will really really be pushed at you.

Stomacharmeleon · 22/07/2023 11:19

Oh wow I can't believe you did that. I hope he does take you to Court. You can't rewrite history as you don't like how it has panned out.

frazzledasarock · 22/07/2023 11:23

And you don’t put your son first. You put your me time first! When you have the opportunity to spend quality time with your child you palm him off on to your ex.

You sound like you it’s only because your ex wants to have his child more when he’s around that you refused. You sound like your automatic response to your ex is to say the opposite just to spite him, he says the sky is blue you insist it’s red just to piss him off.

noglow · 22/07/2023 11:39

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:48

So at the time I did ask ex about changing his name and he didn’t say no, so yes I did put his signature in. I have had google and it even says on the deed poll website that there’s nothing someone can do if someone does that cos it’s hard to prove

Show quote history

Bloody hell

AnxiousShep · 22/07/2023 11:47

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:48

So at the time I did ask ex about changing his name and he didn’t say no, so yes I did put his signature in. I have had google and it even says on the deed poll website that there’s nothing someone can do if someone does that cos it’s hard to prove

Show quote history

Oh, how I wish I knew your ex.

Original poster
Hatsof · 22/07/2023 11:50

I’ve also read as it’s been years his name was changed they are unlikely to think changing it back is best for him

OP posts:
AnxiousShep · 22/07/2023 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

monsteramunch · 22/07/2023 11:55

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 11:50

I’ve also read as it’s been years his name was changed they are unlikely to think changing it back is best for him

So where was the bit where they said it wasn't fraud? You claimed it wasn't fraud. And that you'd read the deed poll site. And that you'd share the relevant bit. So where is it?

The fact they likely won't change it back (as your child is now established with that name so changing it again isn't in their best interest) has no bearing on whether or not it was fraud. It was. And it also has no bearing on whether or not a judge will view it as parental alienation and an abuse of parental responsibilities. It was.

A judge will be delighted to award 50/50 custody to your ex. He's been present throughout your child's life. He's stuck to the agreed contact arrangement even while you have obstructed his agreed days. He's asked to change the current contact arrangement, rather than keeping him without permission, which is the correct procedure.

You haven't stuck to the agreed contact arrangement, you have kept your son on days he was supposed to be with his father, you have changed his name without permission by committing fraud which is illegal and you initially point black refused his request to change contact arrangements.

He's quite right to go to court and you should be planning for 50:50 custody to be approved as there's no reason it wouldn't be.

And you're going to get the bollocking of your life for the reasons outlined above.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/07/2023 12:11

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 10:59

It’s not really fraud is it. He keeps insisting he never signed it, I insist he did. That’s how it’s been going. And I’ll show you why it says on deed poll site

He didn't sign it though, did he? You forged his signature. You've committed fraud. You are utterly batshit.

Original poster
Hatsof · 22/07/2023 12:12

I didn’t say it isn’t fraud but this is what it says on the website, basically that they rely on the parent giving the correct information

Ex and son
OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 22/07/2023 12:16

Hatsof · 22/07/2023 12:12

I didn’t say it isn’t fraud but this is what it says on the website, basically that they rely on the parent giving the correct information

BUT YOU DIDN'T. You falsified your ex's signature. Are you really this hard of thinking?

noglow · 22/07/2023 12:22

I hope you get a massive fine. You're going to be lucky if your ex doesn't get fully custody at this rate. Any other potentially dodgy stuff you've been up to?

monsteramunch · 22/07/2023 12:23

The judge will see that you're a liar, basically.

I didn’t have his permission to change his name but didn’t think I needed it at the time.

Lie. You said you added his signature yourself. So you knew that his signature (therefore his permission) was required and that you didn’t have it.

I have had google and it even says on the deed poll website that there’s nothing someone can do if someone does that cos it’s hard to prove.

Where on earth are you getting that from in the bit you just shared from your site? Be specific.

It’s not really fraud is it.

You said that then also said I didn’t say it isn’t fraud. So another lie.

I didn’t say it isn’t fraud but this is what it says on the website, basically that they rely on the parent giving the correct information

Nobody is disputing that they rely on that. But you didn’t give the correct information. And that has consequences.

Including a judge quite rightly viewing you as not acting in your child’s best interests and instead being a perpetrator of parental alienation.

You seriously need to get your head around the fact that he will very easily be awarded 50:50 custody if he asks for it.

noglow · 22/07/2023 12:26

I mean there's possibly even a case for supervised contact here OP if they think what you are doing is emotional abuse