How long do you keep a room for the DSC?

[peacelemon]

How long do you keep a room for the DSC? Do you think it would be ok for us to downsize and get a two bed or a 2 bed and a box? We would be able to live somewhere nicer then. We could get pull out sofas for the two DSC?

When they go to uni is fair I think depending what they plan to do in the holidays and an open conversation with them is the key to it I think.

If you’re thinking about doing this when they’re at university you’re in for a shock…! My dd is in her second year of university and is home almost 50% of the year. They don’t actually do a lot of work in the term time anymore either unless it’s medicine or law, most of her lectures etc are done online. It’s very different now. (She’s doing English and criminology). She has a house share and university is 3 hours away but she’s home a lot. (Which is lovely)!

I don’t think the OP is planning to turf them out/ban them, she’s just wondering at what point it’s ok not to offer dedicated bed rooms?

In which case, a lot hangs on what they plan to do with uni/uni holidays, and would need a discussion? But I agree with the posters who suggest it’s not always practical or necessary to have a bedroom in two different houses, particularly when the houses in question are close to each other.

I didn’t know kids went home while at Uni - I never did nor did any of my friends and my kids are younger. I’m still deluding myself that my children will love me forever and never ever move out.

So what would happen if the 18 year old decided they wanted to live with dad in the holidays, and not mum anymore? You'd be happy to keep a bedroom for them? Mum could downsize then.

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts
How does your DH feel about his kids being relegated to a sofa bed in an office while your children have a permanent room to themselves
OPs kids live there permanently!! his visit one night a month.
MN think SC have to be treated like visiting royalty, I definitely wouldn't have the permanent kids in a tiny room whilst one sits empty al month.

@Rubychews did you never go home for Christmas? Many students come back home to live after university nowadays too due to cost of housing. Maybe they will choose to live with Dad which might upset @peacelemon

You do realise your DH income will be taken into account for the purposes of student finance and that he will be expected to contribute to make up their maintenance loan? See table below for an indication of how much they are likely to get, and therefore an indication of how much DH and his ex will be expected to contribute.

https://www.savethestudent.org/student-finance/maintenance-loans.html

Being divorced or separated does not mean you cease to have parental responsibility when they hit 18.

Stop rubbing your hands together with glee that you’ll be getting rid of them already.

Most hall contracts are 33-38 weeks a year - and they have to move their stuff out completely for the time they aren’t there as universities now often use their rooms for people staying for adult courses etc. Then when you get to second / third years they just have tons of time when they’re not actually doing much. My dd has completely finished her second year now and is coming home next week and her third year doesn’t start till late September. It’s very different to how I imagined it would be…!

Just because there's no legal obligation, you're still a cunt if you stop supporting your kids at 18 when they're at uni.

@WomanFromTheNorth so you're a cunt if you can't afford to pay thousands of fees a year plus living expenses for an adult child? Wow, not everyone can afford to!

So swap the bedrooms around then?

Don't move house and downsize so the stepchildren have to sleep on the sofa - talk about being made to feel unwelcome!

Who said anything about paying fees?

Most parents do support their children in some way at university - very few 18yo's can support themselves completely while also studying full-time.

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts I get that and I'll do as much as I can but I think calling someone a cunt who doesn't is uncalled for.

Appears OP is in luck. The kids live with their mother most of the time so will likely be her household income that’s taken into account.

https://www.ucas.com/student-finance-england/student-finance-guidance-parents-and-partners

Still if the loan is reduced he and ex should share the top up cost between them.

A lot of students have their fees paid, accomodation paid and in some cases car provided!

The least any parent should do is top up the loan if it’s reduced due to income (ie parents are assessed as being able to afford it!)

The previous poster, not you.

This is incorrect. Only the resident parent's income is taken into account (ie the mum's in this instance).

Legally, the dad gets off scott free in contributing. Not morally of course, but this often seems to get swept under the carpet and it all falls on the pareht the 18 year old spends non-termtime with.

So is your question 'is it ok to downsize to a new house in a nicer area which would not have provision for DSC while they are still living with us' ?

A few more clues about the age and current situation of the DC might help focus the answers you are likely to get.

What does their parent think about it?

@blahblahblah1654 I think were the view of poor parenting comes in is were parents are assessed as having a high income and don’t top up the maintenance loan to give the child comparable to peers who come from a - genuinely - poor household.

Of course others will get accom and fees paid on top of this. And that isn’t expected to be affordable for all.

But it is expected that your help your child to live and eat if you can afford to when they are studying.

Dsd's mum moved when she was 20 and she was told there was no space for her, she moved in with us, it has changed their relationship irreparably. At least through university, though perfectly acceptable to have dual purpose rooms once they are at university eg they are guest rooms too

@Robinni not true actually though morally speaking he should support them. Many households choose the lower income house for student loan purposes

Yes but he won't necessarily be giving them as much as he gives their mother

I think it's the view of stopping maintenance as no longer will he be legally obliged to at 18 that's shite when that money could then go to support his child at university (even if it wont cover much)- that view that well my job financially supporting them is done then is a load of crap and yes does make someone a questionable parent; I doubt the mum will say fuck it I'm going to downsize and not give you a penny now, ew.

OP as long as they have a bed in a room and know they're still welcome then sure, but I'd wait until they naturally drop contact or move away or whatever rather than forcing their hand by making it so unappealing to stay that they don't.

Yes trying to plan ahead. Thank you that's is what I needed to know. Right so we're looking at at least not until both at uni and even then possibly not until after they've finished uni. Even if they decide they only want to come once a month? If so that's completely fine with me! I'm just trying to gauge timescales - it helps with setting financial targets.

Mum's housing is not a problem. She owns outright.