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Original poster

How long do you keep a room for the DSC?

228 replies

peacelemon · 29/05/2023 21:15

How long do you keep a room for the DSC? Do you think it would be ok for us to downsize and get a two bed or a 2 bed and a box? We would be able to live somewhere nicer then. We could get pull out sofas for the two DSC?

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Original poster
peacelemon · 29/05/2023 22:23

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/05/2023 22:10

Eldest is already wanting to drop contact so they can get a weekend job.

If they're relegated to sofa beds, I bet both will drop contact. Talk about unwelcoming.

They might like a sofa bed if we get a double size one

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Original poster
peacelemon · 29/05/2023 22:24

toomuchlaundry · 29/05/2023 22:22

Why is it the mum who is expected to house them as they become adults?

She can do whatever she wants I don't care

OP posts:
shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 29/05/2023 22:26

How old are they and both boys or mixed?

Original poster
peacelemon · 29/05/2023 22:27

Their current age isn't really important I more just wanted to know roughly when it was ok not to give them their own room. I'm thinking by the time they've gone to Uni? They are both the same gender.

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Original poster
peacelemon · 29/05/2023 22:33

NosyHamster · 29/05/2023 22:19

If you’re a ‘together’ family, it’s fine to have a reshuffle as soon as they go to uni, providing there is still room for them during holidays etc

If you’re a step-family, you’re advised to keep a room/shrine for the rest of their lives, to avoid psychological trauma

Yeah I remember the grand reshufflingings as each sibling went to uni

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YetMoreNewBeginnings · 29/05/2023 22:37

peacelemon · 29/05/2023 22:27

Their current age isn't really important I more just wanted to know roughly when it was ok not to give them their own room. I'm thinking by the time they've gone to Uni? They are both the same gender.

The ages are absolutely relevant

and if they’re not even at Uni yet it’s obvious why you’re not saying as they’re still kids

WaitingfortheTardis · 29/05/2023 22:43

I'd say not until they are finished uni and have a job and somewhere stable to live. What does your husband, their father, think? Personally I will always have a room in my home for my child.

Beamur · 29/05/2023 22:51

We kept the SDC's room, or a room they could use until they had definitely left home. We did shuffle rooms around though as we had 2 older DSC at Uni and DD in a tiny bedroom.

Snugglemonkey · 29/05/2023 23:01

lunar1 · 29/05/2023 21:53

I thought you were going to say they have finished uni and got jobs. They still fucking live there.

I know! The mind boggles!

Snugglemonkey · 29/05/2023 23:04

peacelemon · 29/05/2023 22:27

Their current age isn't really important I more just wanted to know roughly when it was ok not to give them their own room. I'm thinking by the time they've gone to Uni? They are both the same gender.

Their current age is v important.

Original poster
peacelemon · 30/05/2023 05:55

Snugglemonkey · 29/05/2023 23:04

Their current age is v important.

Show quote history

Why? We're not going to move to a smaller place until they no longer need a room? Whenever that is. Could be 5 years could be more.

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Original poster
peacelemon · 30/05/2023 05:56

Beamur · 29/05/2023 22:51

We kept the SDC's room, or a room they could use until they had definitely left home. We did shuffle rooms around though as we had 2 older DSC at Uni and DD in a tiny bedroom.

Yes that's the other thing. It is going to get to the stage where if they only come once a month or so then DC is left in a small room as they get older for the sake of that one night.

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coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/05/2023 06:13

No that's not what I said at all. I was just wondering when it would be ok, so if we moved house and there was like a room that could be an office we could put a pull out bed in there for one of them and a sofa bed in the lounge room for the other. Just otherwise it limits where we can buy for a room that's hardly ever used.

That's life when you have multiple children of various ages 🤷‍♀️

How does your DH feel about his kids being relegated to a sofa bed in an office while your children have a permanent room to themselves?

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 30/05/2023 06:24

I know standard nuclear families who completely rearranged sleeping space when their children went to university. One child came home to his youngest DB in his bed and him being relegated to a tiny sofa bed in a room with no storage.

I think a couple of years from now and they won’t want to stay over much anyway. It’s ok then to reassess space.

Floofydawg · 30/05/2023 06:36

toomuchlaundry · 29/05/2023 22:22

Why is it the mum who is expected to house them as they become adults?

Probably because she's the resident parent? My own child stopped staying over at dad's at around 16 and lived with me until uni.

Original poster
peacelemon · 30/05/2023 06:41

I guess coz he'll stop paying maintenance at some point that is probably when it's a good time - it might be we can afford a guest room after all then.

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Original poster
peacelemon · 30/05/2023 06:42

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/05/2023 06:13

No that's not what I said at all. I was just wondering when it would be ok, so if we moved house and there was like a room that could be an office we could put a pull out bed in there for one of them and a sofa bed in the lounge room for the other. Just otherwise it limits where we can buy for a room that's hardly ever used.

That's life when you have multiple children of various ages 🤷‍♀️

How does your DH feel about his kids being relegated to a sofa bed in an office while your children have a permanent room to themselves?

I'm sure he'll be fine. They've had to sleep on sofa beds before he met me and together we could afford a room for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
peacelemon · 30/05/2023 06:43

One of them could always sleep in our bed if it's a problem for one night

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mumto2teenagers · 30/05/2023 06:49

From what you have said I think YABU, however have you discussed it with them as I think it depends a lot on how they feel about it.

Original poster
peacelemon · 30/05/2023 06:55

No not discussed it yet. I suppose when one of them heads off to uni is a good time to do it. I imagine lots of parents downsize then as more income if stop maintenance/less outgoings.

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toomuchlaundry · 30/05/2023 07:01

He’s not going to help fund them through university then?

JustCheckMyHead · 30/05/2023 07:10

i think for such infrequent visits a guest room is fine

Rubychews · 30/05/2023 07:14

Im guessing you are trying to plan ahead but you aren’t coming across in a very flattering light. I think moving and downsizing before children leave for uni or move into their own flat would be a awful thing to do as a parent. Unless their relationship is damaged and his children feel completely unwelcome and stop coming before then. Then it’s all Hi realtor and tiny home.

Cloverforever · 30/05/2023 07:21

So where is the 18 year old supposed to live in the lengthy uni holidays when dad has stopped paying maintenance? What if mum can't then afford a house with a bedroom for your husband's child?

NosyHamster · 30/05/2023 07:23

toomuchlaundry · 30/05/2023 07:01

He’s not going to help fund them through university then?

Not all parents can afford to fund their children through university and there’s no legal obligation to do this