If we paid towards SD puppy is it partly ours???

[Itsnotmypuppy]

Dh sees his dd every other weekend. Pays maintenance but extra as and when.

Recently was SD birthday and we got her the things she asked for but then her mum asked Dh for some extra money as she wanted to get her something and couldn’t afford it. Fine , Dh transferred the money and we didn’t think much more of it as usual.

Turns out she was getting SD a puppy, SD has ASD and apparently this will help.

The problem is , I’m allergic to dogs and so is my ds, I also dislike the smell and have a bit of a phobia of dogs if I’m honest.

Apparently the puppy is coming with SD every other weekend ??? It’s a ‘support dog’ suddenly. I’ve told dh no absolutely not , SD mum is saying we are partly responsible as we paid towards the dog so it’s ours as well???
She has form for dropping off on the doorstep and leaving then telling SD to knock so weve had to have her on unplanned days on multiple occasions as she won’t pre plan extra days and she has said she will do the same but with the puppy as well ? I told dh if that happens he will need to explain to SD the puppy can’t come in and he will have to source dog care or kennels. He told me to just buy some allergy medication for me and ds.

SD mum is saying it’s our responsibility too as it’s basically a treatment for SD so we can’t say no!

How have you came to this conclusion 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@amiold I think vivainsomnia got there by pure shit stirring…

I suspect you arnt allergic you just don't like them. A puppy will be a liveable thing see this as an opportunity to get to love the dog you may surprise yourself.

Not liking dogs is a good enough reason alone to not have someone’s dog in your home. She doesn’t want to love it or get to know it. Her son’s allergy over rides everything.

P o

@Codlingmoths isn't it bizarre what some people make up on here 😂 I wonder if they'd do the same to people in real life and just add bits into a story 🤯🤯

No, of course she can't just impose a dog on your household without any prior consultation.

If dd genuinely needs a support dog as part of her "treatment", can you ask to speak to the doctor who recommended this in order to get a better understanding of dd's needs? If there are genuine medical reasons for it, I think you need to try to make adjustments in order to accommodate her needs. If the mum is just using a spurious medical argument to force you to accept the dog, then she can fuck off.

Medical need or not, this should all have been discussed and agreed in advance. She is being utterly unreasonable and your DH is being weak in not standing up to her on this.

So a puppy isn't a support dog - so that's crap

And it's not a simple as taking anti histamines for the weekend for the allergy. The dog hair and dander will be in the house all the time. So your dh is in effect expecting his DS to take medication continuously.

I have no tolerance for this type of thing and maybe what I'm suggesting is unrealistic. If the Mum is saying you own over half the dog - give her the difference and sell the puppy / give it back to the breeder. A dog is for life and everyone in the family has to be on board and if the puppy is expected to live in 2 households - both households have to be on board. A nuclear option - yes, but pet ownership can't be a compromise, even without an allergy

Glad to hear your DH is taking this seriously now.

Unless you have masses of spare cash floating around, it's really not helpful for him to offer to pay for training and dog sitters. As PPs say, this will turn into insurance, vets bills, etc. I can't believe he gave her £300 without asking what it was for.

His ex failed to share her plans to get the dog, failed to agree a way to care for it and is now lying about it being a support dog to have her own way, as well as being likely to bring it over and dump it on you against your wishes. Surely it's time this became 100% her issue to deal with.

This with bells on. Ignore posters suggesting you need to fix this. You really don't.

Nope dog stays at mums unless it's wanted by your household if there's a problem then the child stays there too!

His ex is a very irresponsible woman, she dumps her DD on your doorstep without asking or warning you she's coming, now she's taken on a dog without a thought to the animals welfare. I hope your DH gets his act
together and sorts this

If she uses the maintenance she receives from towards her mortgage or her car etc.. then I assume he owns part of those too? Maybe he could ask his ex for his car that he’s paying towards?

Of course that’s just ridiculous, but so is this idea that this dog is apparently partly his because he gave the ex some money and she used it to buy a dog. It’s her dog. She wouldn’t dream of handing something like a car over to him, so by the same logic she can keep HER dog too.

It is the proteins from the dogs skin, fur and saliva that cause an allergic reaction, I think.

We once booked a holiday cottage that was emphatic about ‘no dogs’. A few terrifying hours in A&E later, after my brother nearly died from an allergy triggered asthma attack the owner admitted that a previous person had brought their dog ‘but we gave it a really good deep clean’.

My Dc gets a bad reaction if his cat-owning friend sits on his bed.

You and Ds wouldn’t just need to take anti histamines while the dog was present.

The ex is taking the piss. You don’t acquire a puppy without talking to all the adults with responsibility. Your DH needs to take a really firm stand on this. He is hoping you will just absorb it rather than him push back.

@Itsnotmypuppy did you DH manage to stick to the plan?

@Itsnotmypuppy did you get it sorted?

@Itsnotmypuppy What was the outcome with the talk with your husband? Have you now come to an understanding that the puppy will not be visiting?

Maybe his ex can pay for you and your dc to stay in a 5 * hotel so dsd can have her ddog at your home? Then she can pay for a deep clean before you return home too? She is fucking bonkers..

Is this a joke?? @MintJulia

You can't announce to someone they have to have a dog EOW!

😂

@Itsnotmypuppy is there any update? I hope all is ok x

What happened @Itsnotmypuppy