If we paid towards SD puppy is it partly ours???

[Itsnotmypuppy]

Dh sees his dd every other weekend. Pays maintenance but extra as and when.

Recently was SD birthday and we got her the things she asked for but then her mum asked Dh for some extra money as she wanted to get her something and couldn’t afford it. Fine , Dh transferred the money and we didn’t think much more of it as usual.

Turns out she was getting SD a puppy, SD has ASD and apparently this will help.

The problem is , I’m allergic to dogs and so is my ds, I also dislike the smell and have a bit of a phobia of dogs if I’m honest.

Apparently the puppy is coming with SD every other weekend ??? It’s a ‘support dog’ suddenly. I’ve told dh no absolutely not , SD mum is saying we are partly responsible as we paid towards the dog so it’s ours as well???
She has form for dropping off on the doorstep and leaving then telling SD to knock so weve had to have her on unplanned days on multiple occasions as she won’t pre plan extra days and she has said she will do the same but with the puppy as well ? I told dh if that happens he will need to explain to SD the puppy can’t come in and he will have to source dog care or kennels. He told me to just buy some allergy medication for me and ds.

SD mum is saying it’s our responsibility too as it’s basically a treatment for SD so we can’t say no!

This and I’d also say that if it comes to yours you will have to rehome it urgently - people trump dogs

Shes being ludicrous and your DH is letting her

Absolutely not!! First time, dog would be dropped at a kennel, second time at Battersea 😂

Unpopular opinion but I can’t stand pets! This would not be happening!

Is this serious?

If so, it seems the pup was bought last min. Your DH’s clearly can’t afford to have a puppy - purchase price is the least expensive part! Vets, insurance, food etc.

The puppy will be 10 weeks old so not able to go out. Not house trained etc. Pup absolutely needs one home. Sounds like she’s fed up already and the pup will soon be headed to rescue as ‘circumstances have changed’. Poor animal being treated like a bloody toy.

Your partner needs to really stop just doing whatever she says

no dog in the house. It will have to go into kennels if ex won't keep it.

Incredibly selfish of DH to say it can come - it's dander will linger for days.

Allergies in the house means no dog. Be very firm with DH.

She is being ridiculous. You didn't know what you were paying towards so you didn't half pay for it by choice, and you and DS being allergic trumps SD bringing the puppy. Your DH needs to say no.

This is absolutely outrageous - and I love dogs.

What sort is it?

The dog isn't part of your blended family. It doesn't work like that.

Is the dog actually a trained support dog?

I don't think you can just buy a puppy and say it's a support dog.

Not the point but it sounds like your sd's mum has not thought this through at all.

What breed is it op? Your husband clearly doesn’t think you and your son have any form of signficant allergy, I think this is a key issue here. He’s also as much rights in the house as you. Even though mumsnet seems to think the woman’s decision is all that matters.

if he insists on bringing the dog into your shared house, then your only option is to leave each weekend.

Dh has said he will collect SD on Friday instead of her being dropped off as he wants to talk to his ex. He seems to understand now that we can’t just be expected to take antihistamines all the time. He is thinking of putting forward the idea of offering to pay for training classes and a dog sitter if that’s what it takes to support this for SD but to not impact on us

It’s def just a pet it’s not a support dog as I think it’s only 11/12 weeks old

It’s some kind of poodle mix

No way would I being having a dog in my house under those circumstances. The ex sounds deranged.

No way would I be handing over "extra" money without finding out what these extra costs are for, as standard. That's before the dog situation.

Handing over £600 no questions asked on top? Nah

If he starts offering to pay out for the puppy you know the demands will never stop don’t you? Does the ex work? What is she proposing happens to the dog while she is at work and the child at school?

Or she could leave him for being inconsiderate to her needs and allowing his ex to cause this drama with no upfront discussion around the impact it will have to her or her son. Mild allergy or not, would you willingly allow your safe space/home to make you poorly all the time... mildly or not.

It’s not a support dog of course but he will be beneficial for DD to have it. However Ex should learn how to deal with life - she didn’t discuss dog with you, you didn’t say yes to him, therefore you are not responsible for him and don’t want him at the house. No, you and your DS shouldn’t take antihistamines , you should email Ex that dog is not allowed in your house and will be brought straight away back to hers and left on the door step. And you should mean it. DH should also tell SD that unfortunately dog makes you and her brother poorly so he should wait for her at home while she’s with you.
The main part is that you should stick to your promise 100%.

No it's not partly your dog any more than if you'd guven her money towards an xbox.

Only an adult can buy a dog, it is that adults responsibility.

So it's just occurred to her that she's taken a responsibility that isn't part time like her kid and that there is no good outcome, so she's making it your problem.

Don't be suckers. Tell her that you'll take the dog to the blue cross if it ever steps foot in your house.

I have allergies and would not allow a dog in the house.

My parents bought a dog and brought it over - they asked and I agreed/took anti histamines. I was unwell for days after as despite vacuuming everywhere there must have still been residue.

they only bring him in summer now when he can be restricted to the garden

Tell ex If it's partly his dog and he can't look after it he'll needs to rehome it.

Called it 🙄

she will be trying to tell you you won’t be allergic to it.

Was this the dsd and the present I predicted I wonder?
Ask to see the paperwork to show it is a support ddog. As obviously you will need to show this in shops etc.