If we paid towards SD puppy is it partly ours???

[Itsnotmypuppy]

Dh sees his dd every other weekend. Pays maintenance but extra as and when.

Recently was SD birthday and we got her the things she asked for but then her mum asked Dh for some extra money as she wanted to get her something and couldn’t afford it. Fine , Dh transferred the money and we didn’t think much more of it as usual.

Turns out she was getting SD a puppy, SD has ASD and apparently this will help.

The problem is , I’m allergic to dogs and so is my ds, I also dislike the smell and have a bit of a phobia of dogs if I’m honest.

Apparently the puppy is coming with SD every other weekend ??? It’s a ‘support dog’ suddenly. I’ve told dh no absolutely not , SD mum is saying we are partly responsible as we paid towards the dog so it’s ours as well???
She has form for dropping off on the doorstep and leaving then telling SD to knock so weve had to have her on unplanned days on multiple occasions as she won’t pre plan extra days and she has said she will do the same but with the puppy as well ? I told dh if that happens he will need to explain to SD the puppy can’t come in and he will have to source dog care or kennels. He told me to just buy some allergy medication for me and ds.

SD mum is saying it’s our responsibility too as it’s basically a treatment for SD so we can’t say no!

Poor puppy 😞

I think your DH needs to make it clear that he has NO responsibility for the surprise puppy, otherwise you will find that he is being expected to cough up for every vets bill, food bill, puppy training class, dog walker etc etc.

does SD mum live close enough that you can take the dog back if she drops it off?

And no of course it's not partly your responsibility if she didn't tell you what she was buying

Yes literally 10 mins away

Only on Mumsnet would people suggest you suck this up on your own house and you and your son suffer. People saying your dh puts his daughter first, well you put your son first and refuse. As for suggesting he moves out on the weekends he has her, you suffer again and so does your son as he won't see his dad. This is on step daughters mum, her idea so she should keep the dog. Is she usually vindictive or has she just jot thought this through?

Did you ask what the money for the present was for?

Did your partner just send over thousands without asking what it was for?

It’s not a support dog in the traditional sense as if it was it would have had to be trained before she got it. Also, beware of having it in the house if you’re very allergic as it will shed so you might end up essentially being allergic to your house and need to be in antihistamines the entire time…

That puppy is going to be a mess when it’s older. It needs a stable home and consistent handling and you need to not be exposed to allergens! Is your DH normally a bit spineless?

Oh I think you meant to say the the stepmum (in fact all stepmums) should stay in an Airbnb or better still, a doghouse in the garden, right? You were accidentally nicer than you intended!

How old is SDD? It's her dog so her responsibility if she's a reasonable age.

DH should have asked what the money was for.

If you own over half then presumably you're within your rights to sell/rehome it. I'd remind her of this. She's taking the piss. 100% she just doesn't want to responsible for the dog when her daughter isn't there.

So basically it's coming to yours because she doesn't want to stay home and look after it when SD is at your house?

Support dogs are a thing.

They are specially trained.

That's the information you need to support your argument. Is this a trained support dog or did SD want one and mum assumed you'd have it weekends. And then ask for money to play the joint owned trick?!

It's clearly a pet and not a genuine support dog as they are professionally trained beforehand (my friend does this) for around s year before being handed over after further training with the family.

You definitely need to be firm and say no to having the dog in your home. Puppies are always hard work and need a good routine when very young and should never be bought on a whim. What a stupid woman she is!

In addition, something like this could split you up. Is that what the ex is really trying to achieve?

I adore dogs and am not allergic but if my ex bought a dog “for the kids” and expected me to care for it part of the time with no heads-up he would be getting an unequivocal “no”.

It is honestly insane that grown adults are behaving like this. A dog is a huge responsibility, not an extra-cute toy, and nobody can buy one for someone else.

This would honestly have me asking if DH wanted a second divorce to go with the dog.

She said she wanted to do something special as it was SD 13th so we actually assumed it was a party or day out with friends and extra gifts . We don’t really ask . It was £600

I love dogs but I also think she’s a CF.

how old is sd? Can you explain the dog will make you very ill so she needs to leave it at home?

I’d be taking it back, every single time.

It’s not a support dog and the gift of money that your dh gave her does not mean he has any ownership of anything she buys with it. That includes the dog. This dog needs to stay at home as it is nothing to do with you and there are allergies in the house. Your dh needs to say no - I have no idea why he is not doing this?

His ex is taking the mick, stand up to her.

Omg what a wet wipe of a man.
Stand your ground! If she drops SD and dog off and drives away then the dog stays in the front garden and the ex wife comes to collect it.

Your house, your rules.

It's actually real shame that for once you have a decent father that provides extras for his DC without asking for an itemised invoice - and it's bitten you all firmly on the arse.

No good deed goes unpunished!

Oh and if she tries to tell you it’s a hypoallergenic poodlydoo don’t fall for it.

it’s not even about the allergies. It’s being forced to take on a dog you don’t want.

Absolutely no chance. You may have contributed towards it but by the sound of it you weren't told that the gift was going to be a puppy or consulted at all on the matter. No way can she expect you to just take the dog. I assume she just doesn't want to be landed with it when she has her kid free weekend but she should have thought about that before she got it.

Completely CF behaviour!

No way @Itsnotmypuppy !@Itsnotmypuppy ! The mum is being ridiculous. Getting a dog is a massive decision and commitment and not something that someone else decides for you.

That's even without you being allergic. Absolutely no way. And no, you are not partly responsible.

Don't be so utterly ridiculous