The great washing debate - should I have reminded him?

[thegrain]

DSC have their own separate washing basket. Reason for this being it is easier to make sure it's all done before they are back again (here every other weekend and half holidays). Also DH is responsible for their washing. I for some reason am responsible for our shared DC's washing but that's probably a subject for another day!

Anyway. They are due here tonight. The washing has not been done. I noticed it was full last weekend but frankly am fed up of telling DH what basic parenting tasks need doing so I just left it and assumed he would notice. He's now all a flustered and asking why I didn't remind him! My response was why should I.

Anyone else got a lazy arse husband?

It will be a learning experience for him Op, if he has to rush to get it done he might remember in the future. You might like to ask him if he ever reminds you to wash your DC's clothes.

Would it have been the end of the world if you had said - don't forget the washing to him.

Yes he should not need reminding but there are bigger issues to fight over than a quick reminder to do something.

Totally get you Op, this sort of thing gets really tiresome after a while. We don't have separate washing but I have made a conscious decision to stop reminding my DP to do everything he needs to do for DSS, and also his family (like remembering when their birthdays are). It's not my problem and it's annoying that it's me that ended up giving it headspace alongside all the other chores I do every day, so I don't and let the chips fall where they may. Quite often results in unwashed uniform and things like that.

Why are your step children having to do their own washing but your shared children do not? Are they much younger?

The OP said their dad is supposed to do his children's washing! She's baffled why she's left to be the only one to do their own joint children's washing but that isn't what her thread is about necessarily.
It's about not reminding him to do his children's washing because nobody reminds her.

Try reading the OP again

I understand why you have a separate washing basket to ensure it doesn’t get forgotten. But why doesn’t it just go in with the normal wash? Unless you do washing less frequently than every 2 weeks?

What? No they aren't expected to do it DH is! I do DC's or it would never get done

That would mean more washing for me.

I think whether you should have reminded him or not depends on so many different factors. If you think it was reasonable not to remind him, knowing the full story about how your life works as a family, then you're probably right.

Maybe stop doing some of the stuff you're responsible for and then asking him why he didn't remind you.

Oh I stopped the birthday thing this year. With notice. There have been a lot of last minute moonpig orders

How much washing is there from a fortnightly visit? Does he do his own washing? Could you just split the washing between you? I’m not sure why he’s flustered about doing a load of washing before this evening, it’s not a big job😆 if you both work full time does he do his share of housework, I’m presuming not?

He does not!

He does his own washing apart from when he drops hints about not having time to do it so could I put some on for him so I do and then it sits in the machine for days.

I guess I'm feeling a bit mean as its not the kids fault but then the other part of me feels its not my place to intervene in his parenting.

They don't realise you can wear things more than once.
But anyway its literally one load from a weekend and towels and bedding. It's more in the holidays. And on occasion he's been asked to do their school uniform (I think I'd always remind him to do that if needed)

I’d helpfully suggest he could take over all the washing if that would help him remember? And say ‘I’d still do mine of course, but they are all your children so it’s not a bad idea.’
that’s the most helpful I’d be!

@Codlingmoths 😂like it!

I couldn’t live in a house where prettiness of who’s is that before I do it

your not dragging it to the river and beating it with stones

must cost more as well I just make sure it’s a full load
rather than 2 part loads because there not mine

from step kids point of view just reinforces to them there not yours hope they feel welcome in your home

On the surface of it you might think just do it with the rest, it’s not a big job. But honestly these men are just lazy and doing a bad job to manipulate you into doing everything for them. Just ignore his whingeing, doing a load of washing over the course of a day is nothing. My ex has never washed a single item of his kids clothes it’s all send back with them. It makes me so glad I got rid!

Or the father of all the children could take charge of all the household laundry.

after all it’s not taking it down to the river and beating it against rocks blah blah.

why should the workload fall entirely on OP?

next time he asks why you didn’t remind him to do something, tell him you had no idea it needed doing, it’s not your concern or chore to remember.

Everyone saying how easy it is is making OP’s point for her. He shouldn’t need reminding his children have clothes or linen that need washing. It’s beyond pathetic a grown man would need a reminder about something so incredibly basic.

While women persist in excusing this sort of sexist bullshit we’ll never make progress in equality. His penis shouldn’t be impeding his ability to use a household appliance.

Don't do your kids washing this week and then ask him why he didn't remind you. He might get the message

This is the metal load women are expected to carry when it comes to parenting.
The step thing adds in extra pressure because you refuse to take on the sk laundry ect then you clearly hate them 🙄🙄🙄 which is the flex of the really ignorant and enables men to do jack shit around the house.

Op I wouldn't feel bad and I would remind him your not his mother and it's a deeply unattractive position to put you in because who wants to fuck a human man child.

Nobody said it all has to fall on OP

just sort who does what but I would group all washing together
what happens after they’ve eaten does DH have to wash there pots because there not OP kids

I'd split it differently maybe. Like you wash and he puts away for everyone. Me and dh do it this was as then at least I know clothes are cleaned.