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Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

359 replies

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 13:18

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

OP posts:
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endoftheworldniteclub · 18/03/2023 15:23

For what it’s worth I’d save your money until they’re a bit older and just take them to Disneyland Paris for a few days, they’ll enjoy it just as much

No, they won’t. There is no comparison.

Floofydawg · 18/03/2023 15:24

endoftheworldniteclub · 18/03/2023 15:23

For what it’s worth I’d save your money until they’re a bit older and just take them to Disneyland Paris for a few days, they’ll enjoy it just as much

No, they won’t. There is no comparison.

Absolutely not. Disneyland Paris is shit.

endoftheworldniteclub · 18/03/2023 15:25

Floofydawg · 18/03/2023 15:24

Absolutely not. Disneyland Paris is shit.

Agree. It’s shit. And full of people smoking everywhere.

Bryterlayter1 · 18/03/2023 15:31

BungleandGeorge · 18/03/2023 15:20

You’re unreasonable to expect an 11 year old to be taken out of school. If it’s the choice of both parents that’s one thing but you really can’t inositol on it, he should be in school. If he’s year 6 he’ll have leavers events, if he’s year 7 secondary schooling needs to be prioritised. Is there a reason only May and august are options? The obvious solution would be your dh and his son just go for a week and fly back together. Or just take your mum. Your dh isn’t fussed and it sounds like neither is the ss. Disney isn’t a dream for everyone. For what it’s worth I’d save your money until they’re a bit older and just take them to Disneyland Paris for a few days, they’ll enjoy it just as much

Excellent idea! Could dss and Dh go for 1 week? That way no one is left out?

PizzaPastaWine · 18/03/2023 15:32

I'd get a villa for 2 weeks and let DH and DSS come for one week. That was if the DM says it's too far away (ridiculous excuse) there is nothing that you can do. Yes, a week isn't ideal but it's better than nothing.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 18/03/2023 15:32

August in Florida will be disgusting! So hot and so humid. Bleugh.

Take your mum, and have a lovely time.

You have planned a holiday. You have extended DSS an invitation. He can say "yes, thank you" or "no, thank you". He (or his mum/dad) don't get to say yes but insist you change all your plans!

LakeTiticaca · 18/03/2023 15:33

Stick to your plan and take your mum with you. I had years of being dictated to by DSS's mother and it was very draining. Always had to fit round her and to hell with everyone else's needs.
Thank god they are all grown up and we don't have to deal with it anymore!!

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 18/03/2023 15:34

If DH and DSS only went for a week, she'd either a) be on her own with the kids for a week or b) still being her mum and have to spend a considerable amount more

endoftheworldniteclub · 18/03/2023 15:35

Your dh isn’t fussed and it sounds like neither is the ss. Disney isn’t a dream for everyone.

Well it is for op and her children. So that is why she is going, with her children.

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 18/03/2023 15:36

OP - have you ever sat down with your DH and spoken about how your feel he treats his children differently?

OohThatCat · 18/03/2023 15:40

Take your Mum and go in May. He already said he would be planning to go off with your stepson anyway so if he’s that bothered he can go alone in August with him.

it will be insanely hot, busy and expensive August, his loss!

RinklyRomaine · 18/03/2023 15:42

Is there a reason DH and DSS can't do one of the weeks instead of both?

AlwaysUtterChaos · 18/03/2023 15:50

PizzaPastaWine · 18/03/2023 15:32

I'd get a villa for 2 weeks and let DH and DSS come for one week. That was if the DM says it's too far away (ridiculous excuse) there is nothing that you can do. Yes, a week isn't ideal but it's better than nothing.

I think this is a great suggestion, DSS can then still be involved without it either costing the earth (August) or taking any time off school.
Failing that suggestion, I'd stick to your guns on this one and enjoy the holiday with your Mum.

Schoolchoicesucks · 18/03/2023 15:51

100% go with your mum.

As you've said, August is too expensive and too hot. If she doesn't want him to be away from her for 2 weeks why would she allow it in August?

Potential compromise might be for dh and dss to go for one week, your mum to fly out for the second? Obviously that's extra flight costs though.

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:03

I’d just do what I wanted to do. You only have to invite them. This is a holiday you have saved up for and dreamt of for your DSS. You’ve invited them, the rest is up to their parents.

Choconut · 18/03/2023 16:06

Just go with your mum it sounds like you'll have a far better time and if DH did go he'd be off on the big rides without you and your kids anyway so what would be the point.

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 16:32

10% going to go with my mum. Spoke to her on the phone before, she said although Disney isn’t her cup of tea she’d love nothing more than to experience this with her grandsons. She is well up for coming and has even offered to pay for herself but I’m not going to let her.

OP posts:
thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 16:33

100% *** not 10% lol

OP posts:
Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 16:33

I think that's a great decision op!

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:34

Good. If they want to join later on they can make their own arrangements.

CoffeeInTheClouds · 18/03/2023 16:38

Oh absolutely go with your Mum...in May, the weather is perfect!

We went when our boys were a similar age to yours. Although it is nice to have my husband in the photos, it was my Mum who really shared in the magic with the boys. They loved having Granny there, and she was a brilliant help, taking the younger one back to the hotel when he got too tired etc.

As others have suggested, your DH and SS could come out for a week, but I would book for your Mum and let him make his own arrangements.

Have a magical time 🪄

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 16:39

im still sat here though getting increasingly pissed off with my dh. It just winds me up how he’s never ever been bothered about taking his kids to Disney world but because his oldest son is going to miss out (because of his mum) he’s refusing to join us.
I keep reliving every single holiday where I have been left alone for hours on end in the heat with two little ones while DSS wants to go off and do something else with his dad or sit in the hotel room with his dad watching YouTube!
going to give dh one last chance to change his mind tonight or ask the ex one last time, he can join me and my mum and the boys if he wants, if not he can live with knowing he’s missed out on such a magical experience with his kids!

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 16:41

Would the best solution not just be that you and your DCs go the first week and then DH and DSS meet you over there on the second week?

Therefore DSS still gets to go but doesn’t miss any school and you get to take yours for the full 2 weeks.

If I was the mum I wouldn’t think twice about my child missing a week off school but she may be concerned about being fined and being able to afford it.
If I was DH I would be trying to encourage her to let him go.

piefacedClique · 18/03/2023 16:41

Offer the chance for them to join for the week/10 days and then swap with your mum?

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 18/03/2023 16:51

Your dh isn't going to be the dad you want him to be to your kids, OP. Sorry - he just isn't.

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