Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

[thegoodpart0]

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

“Dear Mum of SS

As you know we are planning on going on our dream holiday to Florida in May 2024. This is the only time that I can go that doesn’t include the hot, humid and chance of a hurricane season and fits around my work. We also cannot afford the extra cost on the holiday to go at peak August time.

We would very much love for DSS to come with us but I’m afraid we can’t be flexible on dates. I really hope you will let him come with us on this trip of a lifetime, although I appreciate it does involve a small amount of time off school and we are happy to pay any associated fine if it comes to that.”

Basically you are then showing willing for him coming and she has to bend things her side to make it happen. Should keep DH happy too as it shows you’re not being deliberately awkward.

The reality is that she will probably continue to dig her heels in and he won’t end up going anyway.

Yes, go with your mum.

Also is your stepson doing sats this year. If so may could be be very tricky for him

That would absolutely rot me ! I'm all for parents keeping the bond with their kids when a marriage breaks down but you are his wife and he also has little kids with you , he would be best off battling his ex wife about her dominance over your holiday plans ! I'd be livid but I think you should def go with your mam and let him home to stew . It sounds like he isn't overly excited by the prospect regardless!

Very different scenario as DSD was an adult.

I do think OP should go with her DM, but we need to remember that DSS is a 10 year old boy caught up in the middle of this. Absolutely none of this is his fault.

Your children will have a lovely time with you and your mum, they will be too busy to miss their dad.

I can completely see why your husband doesn't want to go with 2 out of 3 children, he is thinking of them as siblings, not separate in the way you are.

I have to say though, the perception that older boys won't get as much out of it is absolutely crap. My teen and preteen sons bloody love it, they get completely hyped up, agree to wear the matching family T-shirts and ears, their phone is hardly seen the entire holiday. We have incredible family time at Disney.

I think it's awful how people perceive older boys incapable of fun family times.

Once again thank you everyone for your supportive replies! I truly expected to be flamed.

to address a few things ….

• I work in a school. My school has one week off at Easter and two in may. Ds and DSS schools are the opposite so two at Easter and one in may. Obviously I can’t have a week off work to go to Disney world so instead the boys will be missing a week of school after may half term.
• I am more than willing to pay for DSS for this trip. I have the money and have always paid half towards his holidays with us. I never expect dh to pay for him alone just because he’s not my biological son.
• dss has had several uk and abroad holidays with us over the years.
• on holidays in the past I have often been left alone with my two ds at the pool etc while dh and DSS piss off and do their own thing.
• he is with us EOW and dh dedicates those weekends to DSS and whatever he wants to do.
• DSS is ungrateful and never appreciative of anything - mainly because he gets everything he wants off his dad who feels extremely guilty for him.
• DSS doesn’t show the two younger boys much and finds them annoying. He can actually be quite mean to my oldest ds which has caused major arguments between me and dh.
• dh family place DSS in his own category (god)
• dh ex is a nightmare.

and finally, my own boys are my world and my priority. I love DSS but I love my own boys far more. Sorry if that makes me an evil stepmum. But he has one mum and one dad.

Go with your mum. Your husband has three children and you are expecting him to take two of them on a dream holiday and leave the third out. Horrible

I don't blame your SD for being pissed off. It's hardly unusual for someone to prefer a trip to Disneyland to a camping holiday. It's not really on you, but her dad has treated her really shittily and I'm not surprised it has affected their relationship.

Go with your mum. Get rid of your partner. What a twat. He could pay for him and DSS to come too. He simply doesn’t want to. Simples.

Can you not read? Op has said many times that she is happy for dss to go and even pay for him. But you don’t go to DW in August, when it’s hurricane season and humid as hell.

Sounds like your 'D'H would likely not be present much on the holiday anyway.

If you're wanting to queue up for meet and greets with characters and to go on smaller rides, a moody pre-teen would be a nightmare. You'd likely be left on your own with two children to occupy in a queue whilst DH goes off with DSS. That would also mean you may have to miss certain rides as they need one adult per child for some rides when they're little too.

Take your mum, enjoy time with you 2 DS and rethink your acceptance of weekends solo parenting two young children.

You have made the right choice regarding DW but can I ask, why do you stay? Are you not worried that growing up around this will damage your boys self esteem? However, at least they know their mum has their back and puts them first. Some women are too scared to even do that 😔

I don’t blame her. That’s really a shitty thing of you to have done. And comparing camping to Disney World..honestly. What older child/teen/20 something want to go camping. Disney is a dream holiday for so many, and you excluded her.

Is it worth having one last chat with your DH?

I feel like this could cause a rift.

If he doesn't budge then by all accounts go with your mum

Just take your mum. It doesn't sound like your DH is that interested in spending it with his younger kids anyway.

Just to say I went to Disney as a child with mom and gran and I loved it. If told that dad can’t come, at that age they won’t think twice about it

Thank you @jemimapuddlepluck

my boys always have and always will come first to me. I’m their mum and if I don’t put them first then no one will.

Go with your mom. August heat and humidity will be so miserable your children will not enjoy any of it and neither will you.

It's not your fault DSS can't go. It's his mums choice. I'd say we are going in May and if not he doesn't get to go. Go with your mum and enjoy it. If you take you OH without his other child he will just sulk the whole time anyway... well that's the vibe I get

I hope you and your boys (and mum!) have a fabulous time! You have inspired me to start my own little Disney pot, would love to go.

Absolutely go with your Mum but
DSS is ungrateful and never appreciative of anything - mainly because he gets everything he wants off his dad who feels extremely guilty for him.
DSS doesn’t show the two younger boys much and finds them annoying. He can actually be quite mean to my oldest ds which has caused major arguments between me and dh.
dh family place DSS in his own category (god)
please don't blame your DSS for the situation. I have no doubt he would love Disney but may not be eloquent enough or knowledgeable enough to express this opinion.
The issue here is your DH.

This is what it can look like during hurricane season. You don’t want that.

You’re unreasonable to expect an 11 year old to be taken out of school. If it’s the choice of both parents that’s one thing but you really can’t inositol on it, he should be in school. If he’s year 6 he’ll have leavers events, if he’s year 7 secondary schooling needs to be prioritised. Is there a reason only May and august are options? The obvious solution would be your dh and his son just go for a week and fly back together. Or just take your mum. Your dh isn’t fussed and it sounds like neither is the ss. Disney isn’t a dream for everyone. For what it’s worth I’d save your money until they’re a bit older and just take them to Disneyland Paris for a few days, they’ll enjoy it just as much

Yes go with your mum.

Doesn't sound like your DH is much of a dad to your kids anyway. He is mean to the older one? That's really shit. And as they get older they will notice that DSS gets preferential treatment from their dad, and is the golden child.

Going forward you should perhaps consider what you will do when this happens.