Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

[thegoodpart0]

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

Because DSS never gets anything off his mum and she rarely takes him anywhere or does anything with him. He gets a lot from us in terms of holidays, trips out out etc and always has done. However that’s not my fault or my problem I’m beginning to realise …

Don't be angry with your DH. He's doing the right thing by everyone by not coming because DSS isn't.

I would tell him though that he really needs to focus on making a holiday that everyone can come on in the Summer, or whenever that next is. Maybe UK is better if DSS DM is being so difficult.

100% go with your Mum. Honestly you will all have a better holiday because of it as it will be the four of you together rather than having to worry about where DH is going off with DSS. You can really focus on your boys and what they want to do.
Yes it's a shame DSS can't make it but you absolutely should not have to rearrange your plans at the insistence of his Mum. I can understand your DH's position and that's his choice. Taking your Mum is definitely the right call.

This may make me sound selfish, but it really does make me angry that he is prepared to miss out on this experience with his two little boys who are so excited just so DSS doesn’t feel left out. Please believe me when I say DSS won’t appreciate Disney world half has much as my two ds

When you have kids of such different ages, it's not compulsory for everyone to holiday together. We have 3 kids between us who are all very different and with big age gaps. The kids have never all been on the same holiday in all of our 10 years together.

Take your mum.

You should be angry. Your Dc shouldn’t be missing out on opportunities with their parents because of their half siblings mum.

He is being a cunt. Take your mum. Don't let DH treat your boys as second class because he feels guilty about his eldest child.

Totally disagree - the younger children shouldn’t be being dictated to by their half siblings Mum. She’s being allowed too much control. Dad is saying his younger DC have to miss out everytime DSS is with his mum.

And once your DH changes his mind (which he will) don't cancel your mum!

You will all have to go, you can't ditch mum.

I'm not sure.
How difficult is it for a child to miss school aged 10? I hear on here about 11 plus exams and things, so is it simply that it's more awkward for him to miss school than it is for younger kids, and that SM is worried about that?
Or am I very wide of the mark?

I’d try and reduce the stress and upset and anger around this because if there’s lots of that before you go it’ll taint the holiday.

Book for you, your mum and the kids for the planned may dates. Invite dh and dss and say that you’d love for them to come with you if they change their minds about school time. Leave the choice with them.

Another one saying take your Mum.
You saved, you are paying, you gave the dss an option to come.
That does not work for them so you go with your children and Mum.

I would not let DH change his mind and boot your Mum out either, either he comes too or stays home.
Step children will usually have homes where they experience days out, trips or holidays that your children do not. They do not have to do everything the same.

Also won't August be horribly hot? I would not want to go in August.

Even if you had changed your plans so DH and DSS could come, he's already told you the two of them would go off alone anyway so may as well go without him! Glad you'll be taking your mum instead

Awww you'll have a blast. Whatever happens though don't ditch your mum when DH suddenly wants to come.
i assume the savings are in your name somewhere he can't access, make sure he doesn't take "half" so he can take DSS away.

And a tip for the trip, try and get to gatorland if you can. Was a massive surprise hit. And universal is brilliant too.

I don't see how your relationship would move past this without if arguments of him missing a dream holiday with your joint kids.

He either needs to put his foot down with his other kids mum to get him to come or if she definitely won't allow it he comes and enjoys his other kids he has a responsibility to them also.

I wouldn't be able to pretend it was ok and just do with my mum I would be so angry

So glad you have decided to take your mum. Your boys should not miss out. You have planned and saved for this for years! Never let anyone else dictate what you do with your own children. Absolutely blows my mind that any mother would. Have fun!

Could they get maybe 10 days and just fly home a little earlier so he doesn’t miss as much school? You could save some of the younger parks/areas for those days. Your mum could come too

I have been to Disney World in both May (once in a lifetime, ha) and April and then several times in August. With younger children who can get heat stroke and dehydrate easily May is a great time to go. We also did May half term and the week beforehand.

Firstly August is very hot and humid, my youngest was 12 when we started going in August. The humidity is the killer. Secondly unless you go the very last 2 weeks in August the American Schools are on holiday too so the crowd levels are higher.

Definitely take your Mum, make sure your Dh knows that the children may well ask questions when they are older about why he isn't there. I think he is being ridiculous and missing out on his youngest two sons wonder and excitement that comes from being in Disney World. His older son isn't bothered, why push it? Just because something is an amazing holiday for one person, doesn't mean another person feels the same.

With the age of your children, your youngest may need a pushchair for Magic Kingdom due to size. Get your kids ready with plenty of walking now. My FitBit thought I was in training for something

With blended families there cannot always be equal, sometimes only fair.

PS if your DH does decide to come with DSS, make sure he pays for his own kid.

Precisely.

Your DH's ex does not get to dictate whether you can pay for your own children to go on holiday.

To be devils advocate! I wouldn't be happy about my child missing a week of school when they get two weeks off at Easter.

Just saying she might not be being awkward. Maybe he's struggling at school and she's worried about him falling behind

Nope don't go in August I went with my DD in the may half term and she complained non stop it was too hot she didn't actually want to go the theme parks just the water parks to cool down. August would have even more unbearable. I would perhaps choose October half term

Mum.

He's not fussed about Disney. Your kids will be absolutely fine for two weeks without their dad.

Oh god I could have written your post except we didn't have kids together, he had 1 DS and I had 2 DDs.

I ended up saying fuck it and booking with my gran (we had an absolute blast and one of the best two weeks of my life ).

Then exDP decided oh actually he was going so booked with DS same time and hotel.

It just caused arguments because he was my partner on holiday with me as a family except he wasn't really on holiday with me and could just do his own thing whenever he pleased.

He is now of course exDP.

Op please just go with your mum and have the most amazing, incredible time with your DC!