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Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

359 replies

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 13:18

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

OP posts:
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endoftheworldniteclub · 18/03/2023 14:21

Go with your mum of course. I’ve been many times, it is magical! You’ll love it. Don’t go in August, it’s hell on earth. 🔥 And don’t forget Disney’s water parks, your dc will love it! Blizzard Beach is great for a chill day.

Dotcheck · 18/03/2023 14:23

So, will your step son be in year 6 or year 7? Either one is hard to take a week off.

I’m really confused. If he is in these years, then why didn’t your husband clock that his eldest can just take an extra week off? Or is he happy to make his ex ‘the bad guy?’

Why can’t your husband pay more so you all can go at Easter?

I think this is another case of a crap father who isn’t speaking up for his child, but let’s the mothers deal with the consequences

Dotcheck · 18/03/2023 14:24

*why didn’t your husband clock that his eldest CAN’T take a week off

endoftheworldniteclub · 18/03/2023 14:26

We usually go end of October, and make sure to stay until at least 2-3 of November as Magic Kingdom changes over from Autumn to be fully Christmas decorated over night. So you get to experience both Halloween and Christmas. It’s fantastic!

scrivette · 18/03/2023 14:28

It will be amazing going with you Mum, something for you both to remember forever and your DC will be glad to have spent that time together with her when they are older.

coodawoodashooda · 18/03/2023 14:32

thimblewomble879 · 18/03/2023 14:11

To be devils advocate! I wouldn't be happy about my child missing a week of school when they get two weeks off at Easter.

Just saying she might not be being awkward. Maybe he's struggling at school and she's worried about him falling behind

Even for Disney?!!

Iwanttoquitthegym · 18/03/2023 14:33

Slight different thought- what about Disney in California? Weather there much better in late august.
otherwise take your mum!

smellyflowers · 18/03/2023 14:35

Take your mum. He can explain why he's not in any photos when they are older. He's an arse.

smellyflowers · 18/03/2023 14:36

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 13:52

This may make me sound selfish, but it really does make me angry that he is prepared to miss out on this experience with his two little boys who are so excited just so DSS doesn’t feel left out. Please believe me when I say DSS won’t appreciate Disney world half has much as my two ds

Yup he's being horrible to them.

Just because DSS's mum is stopping him going doesn't mean everyone should miss out or you should move it to August

RedHelenB · 18/03/2023 14:37

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 13:52

This may make me sound selfish, but it really does make me angry that he is prepared to miss out on this experience with his two little boys who are so excited just so DSS doesn’t feel left out. Please believe me when I say DSS won’t appreciate Disney world half has much as my two ds

I still can't see a problem with all of you going in August.

CwmYoy · 18/03/2023 14:37

Give the mother one last chance to agree and if she doesn't take your mum and dump your selfish husband when you get home.

smellyflowers · 18/03/2023 14:39

RedHelenB · 18/03/2023 14:37

I still can't see a problem with all of you going in August.

OP doesn't want to and she's the one paying?

HermioneWeasley · 18/03/2023 14:40

RedHelenB · 18/03/2023 14:37

I still can't see a problem with all of you going in August.

Because it’s unbearably hot and humid and most of august the parks are really busy

Figgygal · 18/03/2023 14:43

How do you know dss wouldnt enjoy it as much? Or are you just telling yourself that to justify that it's OK to take your kids and leave dh and his behind.

Tbh I think you're being a bit single minded and selfish

I'm amazed at the replies to be honest usually someone trying to treat their biological children differently to a step child is utterly lambasted or does that not apply to disney?

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 18/03/2023 14:44

I'd let dss know your plans.

Then when his mum starts up say fine, you'll be going alone with your mum in that case......the fallout will be in her court then, I'd put money on the fact she'll stop acting like a.twat over holidays and just let him go.

DoristheDuchess · 18/03/2023 14:45

Go with your mum, you will both share wonderful memories with the kids. Whilst they love their dad, once they're in the magic of it all they may not notice too much he's not there, so don't let that hold you back.

Long term, I think there are some deeper issues you need to have a long think about.

How happy are you in this relationship and how much is it influencing your kids?

MadonnasFacelift · 18/03/2023 14:46

Figgygal · 18/03/2023 14:43

How do you know dss wouldnt enjoy it as much? Or are you just telling yourself that to justify that it's OK to take your kids and leave dh and his behind.

Tbh I think you're being a bit single minded and selfish

I'm amazed at the replies to be honest usually someone trying to treat their biological children differently to a step child is utterly lambasted or does that not apply to disney?

But OP is prepared to take her DSS. It's his mother who is saying he can't come. But that doesn't mean OP shouldn't still go.

LunaMay · 18/03/2023 14:47

Figgygal · 18/03/2023 14:43

How do you know dss wouldnt enjoy it as much? Or are you just telling yourself that to justify that it's OK to take your kids and leave dh and his behind.

Tbh I think you're being a bit single minded and selfish

I'm amazed at the replies to be honest usually someone trying to treat their biological children differently to a step child is utterly lambasted or does that not apply to disney?

It's his parents causing the problem not OP. Besides the dad was already planning on treating him differently on the holiday anyway so why should she put herself out when they wouldnt be together for the magic moments anyway.

Nanny0gg · 18/03/2023 14:48

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 13:29

Thanks so much for your replies already.

my mum would love to come. She sees my boys almost everyday and does the school run for me. They love their nanny but they love their daddy so much and I know they will miss him if we go without him :( and I know they will want to share all those special moments with him. it’s making me not want to go at all now even though I have planned and saved for years. The annoying thing is, dh would never have any intention of taking any of his kids to Disney world if it wasn’t for me! But yet he’s so adamant on DSS coming? And DSS is so unappreciative of everything - when we originally told him about Florida he responded ‘right ok’ :/ zero enthusiasm.

If you tell his ex that you are not going in August (tho I do see her point about missing school) and that you're mum will go and DSS therefore can't, do you think she'll back down? And can she veto your DH?

smellyflowers · 18/03/2023 14:49

HermioneWeasley · 18/03/2023 14:40

Because it’s unbearably hot and humid and most of august the parks are really busy

And that.

Is go with your mum and your DH can take dss whenever he likes

jemimapuddlepluck · 18/03/2023 14:49

Figgygal · 18/03/2023 14:43

How do you know dss wouldnt enjoy it as much? Or are you just telling yourself that to justify that it's OK to take your kids and leave dh and his behind.

Tbh I think you're being a bit single minded and selfish

I'm amazed at the replies to be honest usually someone trying to treat their biological children differently to a step child is utterly lambasted or does that not apply to disney?

Hopefully it's because people are starting to see that stepmothers and their children always get the shitty end of the stick. OP doesn't need to treat all the kids the same, their dad does. This dad isn't though, it seems to be him and his son against the OP and their two sons. This is a natural consequence and I hope more stepmums take something positive from this thread and realise they don't need to be dictated to by step children and ex wives when it comes to their OWN children.

Changeitupnelly · 18/03/2023 14:50

We had this with my SD. Except we opted to go without her as our kids were young and she was at an age that she couldn’t get time off university/work and was old enough to go on her own holidays (yes she was in her early 20s!) She went berserk at my DH and things have never been the same between any of us since. We took our DC and she was enraged by it despite having never wanted to come away with us when it was camping etc. Suddenly because it’s Disneyworld that is different. It would have also pretty much meant we couldn’t afford to go if we’d have paid for her too so I’m still glad we did it without her - she was a grown woman having a paddy.

Wanttobefree2 · 18/03/2023 14:53

Go with your mum 100%! It sounds like your DP is intending to spend most of the time going off and doing the big rides with your DSS so you’d be with your two kids on your own half the time. At least with your mum you’ll get the support with the kids.

lookluv · 18/03/2023 14:54

None of this is the DSS mums fault. She does not want to break the law and be fined by her child being taken out of school.

OP can go with her mum. OP and her DP should have worked out between them that this was going to be an issue in terms of term time. it is not the mothers responsibiity to check the timing of their holiday

It really is anazing how many times on this forum tht going to disney land causes problems, because one side does not want to take the SDCs - too old, too expensive, school time etc etc

FlamingoQueen · 18/03/2023 14:57

Imagine how cross you would feel in DW if DH and DSS bugger off all day on their own - he wouldn’t even see your DC enjoy themselves anyway. What a shame, particularly when you’ve said up for years to go.

Take your Mum, don’t back down, and have a fantastic time!

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