Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

[thegoodpart0]

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

I wouldn't be too hard on your DH.

Would you consider going to Disney if one of your DC couldn't make it at that time? Or if you had an older child and your exDP wouldn't agree to that exact timing for the holiday? Would you leave your 10 year old behind in that situation?

No? What's the difference?

Yes, fathers should care for all their children, but he could argue this is what he is doing just as easily as you could argue otherwise.

Work something out so you can all go is my advice. And include your mum, you've asked her now. And then DH and his older DC can go on 'older kid' rides and you won't be on your own with the younger ones.

It's not about being on her own with the younger ones it's about DH not being arsed with them, her mum being there doesn't negate that. He's not caring for all of them he only cares about the eldest. He's willing to go off with the eldest and ignore the little ones, isn't he?

You, your kids and DM go for 2 weeks. Your DH and DSS come for the first week only and fly home together. Everyone gets what they want?

It sounds like a tricky relationship, where your husband finds it hard to meet the needs of everyone, and for years you have been flexing to keep things ticking along.

Only, this holiday is too important for it to be hijacked by the demands of your husband's ex. You have offered various solutions as a compromise, but have reached your non negotiable.

Does your husband understand how important this holiday is to you....how much you have invested into it? Maybe, this is the one time he should be the one to compromise?

They don't though do they really? Ops kids won't really get their dad on their holiday because he'll be with the other child and won't actually spend any time with them.

Why can't dad and dss just come for first week? Just book it separately-they'd need own room anyway now mum coming.

Florida in August is a hell scape.

Very hot, very humid, hurricane season. Torrential downpours. I would never go then, no matter who came.

April and May are pretty much ideal. It will be a lot less crowded as well. Have a wonderful time!

Go with your mum. Obviously. You said yourself DH doesn't even want to come particularly. Leave him and DSS behind and go have fun.

Maybe if you're DH has stood his ground with his ex long before now he'd be able to have more of a say in whether his DS goes or not, but from the sound of it he panders to his ex and values her wants over yours and the kids. That's pretty concerning to be honest. I can't believe he's actually entertaining allowing her to dictate and change something you've planned for years, then gaslighting you to believe you're the bad one for wanting to take your kids without DSS.

It's not just the exs fault DSS can't go, it's your DHs fault too.

Definitely take your mum and have the most amazing time. Yes, it's disappointing they won't get to share the experience with their father but that's on him to explain why he wasn't there.

@Birdsbirdsbirds well they get what they want in terms of actually physically being there.

The prioritisation of DSS over his over kids is another issue that needs to be resolved. Personally I'd say you can have an hour/half a day whatever with DSS and the rest of the time spend it as family making all kids feel included and important.

The OP didn't say DH couldn't be arsed with the younger ones. He seems to prioritise time with his eldest DC when he sees him, probably because he only sees him 2 days out of 14.
And sometimes when there are a mix of ages in a family, parents have to split up the time spent on various activities, and it's normal then for him to go with his eldest as well.
The dynamics of blended families are more difficult and need work and consideration.I don't think the OP going on holiday without her DH will help. I do understand how frustrating this is but I'd take a deep breath and really try to work things out. Maybe if DH and SS came for a shorter time as has been suggested, a week or 10 days maybe?

Your children are going to grow up knowing that their dad wouldn’t do things with him because of the half sibling’s mum. It’ll become increasingly obvious to them that he’d rather let them down than stand up to her.

Silly fool.

Go with your mum. Have a great time. And make sure that your children get the childhood with you that you hoped for. If their dad opts out… that’s his loss.

The OP didn't say DH couldn't be arsed with the younger ones. He seems to prioritise time with his eldest DC when he sees him, probably because he only sees him 2 days out of 14.
And sometimes when there are a mix of ages in a family, parents have to split up the time spent on various activities, and it's normal then for him to go with his eldest as well.
The dynamics of blended families are more difficult and need work and consideration.

This is used as an excuse all the time but it's really not normal for one parent to spend the whole of family holidays abroad with just one of the kids. Yes this might crop up on an afternoon or two but it shouldn't be the whole time. He needs to make time for them all.

Ok going against the grain here - if you are taking your dc out off school yabu - school holidays are 13 weeks a year!

I'm actually with the sdc's mum. School is important, more important than theme parks.

Unfortunately I think the changes they have made in recent years will leave you disappointed too, it's so much busier, pre book everything, loads of restrictions. At those ages i would just take them to Paris which can be done for 1/4 of the budget

Yes, I agree. I envisaged them splitting up for certain activities or rides only - sometimes, as I said.

I think he's right in not going rather than leaving his son behind. Would you only take one of your own boys if the other was ill and unable to come?

The DF of 3 DCs wants to treat them equally - absolutely right. How can anyone say he is in the wrong on that is mad.

This is Disney - he can not take 2 of his DCs and leave one behind.

OP has chosen a time which she knows was going to require DCs out of school - she and DF can make that decision jointly for their 2 , but aboslutely right the DM of DSS has a say in being party to breaking the law and she has said no. AS would many parents.

She has suggested August - not dictated, not said they have to.

OP does not particularly like her DSS - yes his DF does go off and spend time on holiday with his older child because older children do not necessarily want to do the same thing. Parents often split days on holiday to do things some DCS want and the others dont.

OP is going to go with her DCS as is her right and have a great time.

DSS is going to be upset but i don't think she really cares about that. All this drama could have been avoided with a little more thoughtful planning.

Could DH and DSS go for a week whilst you stay for an extra week?

Because he's not treating them equally. I'd bet my last quid he'd be willing to take dss on holiday without the small ones.

I’ve been in August, April and May.

August was awful. Far too hot. Lines weren’t so bad but it was just too hot to do anything for long.

May had some torrential rain but overall the weather was the best. It’s also a quiet month as far as Disney gets. I’m planning a trip with my kids for a few years away and will be going in May.

I live in Florida, 90 miles west of Disney. Here on the coast we have lovely sea breezes, and still cannot tolerate August. April is usually perfect, May is pushing it, as the weather gets hot, and a lot of Disney is outside waiting. Take your trip as planned and I hope you all enjoy every minute of it! Be sure to send pictures to DH, so he sees what he’s missed.

Not really a comparable situation whatsoever!

Dh is a wonderful dad to the two little ones the rest of the time. It’s just EOW or when we do things as a family (holidays/days out) he does prioritise his oldest. He justifies it by saying he feels guilty on him and his time with him is limited. This is why I have never really confronted him or complained about it till now. This holiday is so, so important to me. I have saved so hard over the years. Since my first DS was born I’ve wanted this for my kids. Dh and his ex don’t never wanted it for their son and that’s fine , not everyone has the same dream.

dh has agreed that tonight we will send a message to his ex asking one last time can DSS come with us. We will pay the fine from school. I’m not budging on dates as the school I work in only has one week off for Easter and as many previous posters have said, august is not the right time to go to Florida.

if she doesn’t agree tonight then I am going ahead and booking with my mum tomorrow

If one child couldn't make it because of school then? Would that be ok?

I just know if I had a 10 year old from a previous relationship, as well as a 6 and 4 year old from a current relationship, I wouldn't bring the two younger to Disney of all places and leave my older child at home. I couldn't do that. It would break my heart.

He's really not a wonderful dad though if he drops them as soon as the older one turns up. They'll notice. His guilt doesn't justify it.