Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

[thegoodpart0]

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

Hopes & Dreams

I've been to Florida twice , once in December over Christmas and once end of may holidays. The weather in may went to 36 on a few of the days and it was so so humid. My DD outright refused to queue on the rides or go to the themeparks as it was so uncomfortable. We spent about 5 days of the holiday doing water based activities , water parks and st Pete's beach. She moaned so much. At Christmas it was fantastic busy and warm but not the awful oven feeling. We went to the water parks then and sunbathed. Florida never really goes cold. I would recommend going at October , Christmas or February. You don't need to go in summer there.

Oh wow she is something else.

I'd reply "no jack can have two weeks too if you allow it. We will be going In may as we e already said, not August".

She's a brat and tbh the way your dss is, expecting dad to watch YouTube in the room alone with him on holidays, makes me think he's going the same way. Same as dictating what parks he would go to. Dh needs to stop this in its track and remind her when Is not in control.

Don't let it ruin your holidays. Book what you want, when you want. If dh and dss don't join that's up to them. Do you think when the ex takes jack anywhere that she considers his brothers?! Of course not, they don't live with her so he does get things they don't die to the dynamic.

Don't waste no more time arguing about it. Just get it booked and enjoy it.

And once your DH changes his mind (which he will) don't cancel your mum!

Totally agree with this! If your husband decides to go with his son after you've asked your mother let him make his own bookings, arrangements etc. Perhaps also consider having your passport and those of your own children safely at your mother's in case they inexplicably get "lost" before the journey.. 🌹

She is being so unreasonable. Reply saying “no he can come for two weeks, you’re just not allowing it.” Make sure the kid knows you tried.

Sounds like even if you moved it to august DSS’ Mum would still find a reason to berate you - because DSS doesn’t want to go to Disney World. I suspect she is just having a power trip. I’d be worried she’d flake at the last min and use Disney World as an excuse.

You need to warn you DH that the minute he starts moping or crying 🙄he can fuck off. Now stop fretting about your DSS and book your holiday. You sounded so strong yesterday what happened?

This is what I mean. You have implied that she doesn't want her DSC there even though she's bent over backwards to get him here. Being a sm doesn't mean your the ex wife's boss.And I'm not the only one who has managed to read the op and can see this.

If your internal narrative is all sm hate their DSC, I suppose realistically it won't matter what any op puts. Which is what I have pointed out.

Constructive criticism is fine but trying to shame a op while offering no actual advice isn't really in the spirit of the site.

Come on

’so jacks (name change) little brothers get two whole weeks in Florida but Jack only gets one? How unfair! Also jack doesn’t want to go to Disney he only wants to go to universal studios. Change to august or he isn’t going at all’

He’d be getting 1 week because of her! Because she isn’t allowing him to be away for the second week.
Why should Jack’s younger siblings cut their holiday short and miss out on two weeks BECAUSE OF HER? A woman who is fuck all to do with them.

LookLuv if OP was insistent that DSS comes during term time, you’d be harping on about the ex wife being concerned about school and that it isn’t OP’s place to demand that DSS has time off school.

So what more can OP do? She wants DSS there as clearly stated in her posts, but she is refusing to move the dates to the dates that ex wife prefers because they don’t suit. That’s on the ex, not OP. Dss is missing out because of his mum. But hey, let’s blame OP and twist it all as being some evil plot by the wicked stepmum to exclude the stepchild. That’s some reaching you’ve done there!

I really feel your pain, my ex is horrendously difficult about holidays (wouldn’t let me go abroad, then wouldn’t let me go for longer than 7 days, then wouldn’t agree dates) and it sounds like she will come up with excuse after excuse (envy / jealous / bitter - who knows why she’d deny her child the experience of a lifetime?)

whatever the reason though there’s a 10 year old that won’t understand why his siblings (who get to see dad everyday when he doesn’t) get a dream holiday and he gets nothing. He’s too young to understand how his mum wouldn’t be flexible (and shouldn’t be told that either). This could irreparably harm his relationship with you all. I personally could not do that to any child and although August isn’t ideal it’s the best compromise of a rubbish situation. Or you all do 7 days at Disney in May and prioritise what you do.

Re him wanting to do universal over Disney my similar age boys would be the same (they see Disney as princesses / younger even though it isn’t) and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to accommodate both (universal is ace!).

I hope you are very clear with your DSS why he is not coming on the holiday!

If he knew, he would probably much prefer one week than not at all (and could possibly have done Universal Studios just with his dad)

No. The OP has saved for this holiday and no way should she pay for her DH and DSS to dissappear off to Universal Studios because DSS says so. She wants to take her children for 2 weeks, it is up to her DH whether he joins them or not. Her children should never have to compromise because THEY will end up resentful. Or is that just a problem if its step children?

Good result Op
I have 2 step children and 2 of my own.
All grown now.
I can tell by your tone you very much want dss to come.
Like me you know he is your children's brother.
He will always matter.
Fast forward 20 years.
Dss 1 only sees his dm when he put in the effort. So rarely.
Dss 2 never sees his dm.
But we still then both frequently and I got a lovely card of dss 1 today.
My point is - you reap what you sow
Dss will one day see the situation for what it is and appreciate all you did for him and his Dad and little brothers.
Enjoy your holiday.

Make sure you keep or screenshot those texts from the mum, to show your dss (or even the mum) later on in case she twists things around. Her own words.

Also I would absolutely be prepared for her to try and screw things up so that your DH can't go, or make it seem like he's choosing that over his son. Eg. Swapping contact dates so it's "his time" when you're due to go.

She sounds very hostile. So just be prepared it might be you and your mum.

Could you ask her if you could take DSS out of school for 2 days instead of 5 and do 10 days instead? It doesn’t sound like she’ll compromise but she might be happier for him to only miss a couple of days as opposed to a week?

Or you all do 7 days at Disney in May and prioritise what you do.

OP wants to go for 2 weeks though. It’s a big expensive holiday and she wants to make the most of it while she can, and 2 weeks seems like a better option. If it was Spain I would agree with you as it’s close and can be done again, and everyone likes the same stuff.
Also I don’t really think OP would want to go for 7 days and devote that very limited time to everything DSS wants to do, and with him being the eldest and probably some NR dad guilt thrown in there, he’d probably get to call the shots for most of that week. You probably need 2 weeks to keep everyone happy and to explore everything there is to explore for all age groups.

Also jack doesn’t want to go to Disney he only wants to go to universal studios he'll be fine not going to Disney then..

So pleased you were able to have an honest conversation with DH, and that he heard you.

What a horrible message you got back. When nothing you suggest is good enough, it is clearly an issue of ex trying to control you. Such a shame that ss will miss out, but that is her choice, not yours.

You mentioned that you plan to go back to Florida when the boys are teens. In which case, I would suggest that you don't bother with Universal this time, Disney has more than enough to offer for two weeks. It will also save you £2k!

As others have warned, be prepared for more drama from ex though. Make sure you are the 'lead passenger' on your booking in case things change.

Well you can do a holiday where dad and dss have a few days at universal and you do Disney kids rides those days? Then visit the more adult Disney stuff those other days (Star Wars rides and guardians of galaxy) though again you'd probably split who went on which ride.

So a one week for dad and dss (so if he can fly out and back with an adult) and 2 weeks for rest of you.

She's not offering to pay for them to have a holiday in Orlando. She's offering DW.

No, only on the SM forum would it be totally unreasonable to ever criticise a child.

It's not irrelevant that this particular child is generally ungrateful on holidays, expects to be taken off alone all the time including to sit on YouTube in the hotel room (total waste of money) and apparently doesn't even want to go to Disney.

It's highly commendable given that that OP has already paid for loads of trips for him and was also willing to pay for him on this one. It's not even the reason it's ended up that DSS can't go, as OP was willing to put up with all of that. But she isn't a demon for mentioning it.

It's all worked out for the best. DSS doesn't want to go to Disneyland anyway by the sounds of it. His mum can take him to universal studios if she thinks it is so unfair his siblings went to Florida.

She sounds nasty. Who acts like this over someone offering to take their son on a paid trip to Disneyland!?

She is probably just trying to annoy you to ruin your fun.

Ignore the asshole!

Glad DH has seen sense and hope he doesn't spend the week moping around.

What is the appropriate response when someone offers something like this to your child? The response is 'THANK YOU'!