Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

[thegoodpart0]

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

Well, ‘fine’ is subjective I suppose but it’s not like the weather would be that awful or different to Easter weather. Even if the weather would be less than ideal it’s not more important than one of her family children.

Even if the weather would be less than ideal it’s not more important than one of her family children.

I disagree. When you're paying thousands of pounds for a holiday, the right weather is everything. The wrong weather can completely ruin a holiday.

They will ruin it for you if they go. You know they will. I would have just gone ahead and booked it with my mum for the two youngest but hey ho. You are basically back at square one.

Hurricanes are pretty awful.

If was spending £10k on a holiday I’d want to give myself the best chances of actually enjoying it. If the weather is bad that’s a hell of a lot of money up the wall.

I mean a hurricane/ heatwave is a pretty different to a bit of rain or muggy. Let's not pretend here.

If DH or mum was heavily invested in taking DSC to Disney (maybe they will have a big pot of money to be able to fund the extra expense)

But since neither are funding diddly shit I personally find it funny that either mum or dad think they have the right to dictate what weather conditions are deemed as "fine" for two young children or when is or isn't the right time. Or do the youngest have to suffer or miss out because of the eldest ?

Like that isn't a recipe for discord.
Op has offered to pay for all the children to go at x time. If mum doesn't like that she's well within her rights. But if DSC asked me why I would be like well mum didn't want you missing school and be done with it.

Because it's not a lie and also it's not OPs responsibility to fix or mitigate. That's down to the parents.

I’ve been in may and it’s a good time to go. We had one ridiculously hot day but that was it. I think there was an American holiday one day, but apart from that it wasn’t too busy.

Take your mum. Another adult is useful when you have tired children and one of you can get food etc.

Someone else mentioned the free dining plan. No idea if they will reintroduce it, but if I remember if they release the offer you can change your booking to include it (that’s how it used to work), they’re good like that.

So there have been an interesting turn of events.

dh & I had a heart to heart when the boys went to bed. He listened carefully to me and says he knows just how special and important this holiday is to me. He says he remembers me holding ds1 in my arms when he was only weeks old and me talking about my dreams of Disney world and hoping I can make it happen for us. He wants to come with us and of course wants DSS to come. I’ve explained my mum is coming regardless and he is fine with that. I would love for us all to go especially now with my mum too.

off the back of our conversation we sent DSS mum a message explaining we really want DSS to come and we will pay the fine etc. we also said if she was absolutely averse to DSS missing any school then dh and DSS would go for the week of half term and fly back early and me, mum and the little boys would stay out for another week.

she has replied …..

’so jacks (name change) little brothers get two whole weeks in Florida but Jack only gets one? How unfair! Also jack doesn’t want to go to Disney he only wants to go to universal studios. Change to august or he isn’t going at all’

so it’s a no from her. I can’t be arsed arguing. I’m doing what I want for me and my kids end of. I told dh he has two choices - come with us, or stay at home and sit on his own missing out until DSS comes for the weekend.

dh is now saying he wants to come and bollocks to his ex. He said it’s a shame DSS will miss out but he isn’t being dictated to by his ex or ruining my dream holiday. He has admitted Florida wouldn’t even be on his agenda if it wasn’t for me harping on about it for 6 years. I also explained to him I didn’t plan on doing universal studios as my boys are young and so would only focus on Disney and a couple of pool/rest days.

so what do I do now? Accept dh has had a change of heart and he comes along with me, the boys and my mum without DSS OR is it totally wrong for him to leave his own son behind?? I’m stumped at him changing his mind!

What do you mean what do you do now? Are you going to uninvite your own husband after all the fuss you’ve made about him not wanting to come? He’s explained his position and that he wants to come, the ex has shown again what a dick she is, and the step son doesnt want to come anyway. Drama over OP, time to let it go and good your holiday with your sons, DH and your mum and start planning on enjoying it.

Yup.

My post should say plan your holiday, not good your holiday.

@thegoodpart0 so I the ex's response is pretty irrelevant. She is neither your boss nor your DHs boss. She is a ex and has jurisdiction over her child alone.

Let dh come if he wants but if he's going to ruin it I would advise you say to him if moping starts I will book you a flight home. And stick to your guns. Also make sure mum comes regardless. If DH has a wobble then says last min oh no I can't go. As other people have pointed out, I think he thought well we have to what the ex wants or she won't go without me. I doubt he thought that you would go without him.

I would also say that if DSC is missing out it's because of mum. This screams of someone who's used to getting their own way.

If you have spent any time on this board, you will know that some people make up their own narrative sometimes regardless of the actual facts. So don't waste your breath or let it ruin important things to you.

Have fun ❤️

Thank you so much everyone for reading and responding. We are hopefully going to book in the next few days and my countdown to my dream holiday Can finally begin after all these years ❤️

I'm pleased for you. Hope he doesn't spoil it.

You go without and make absolutely clear to DSS that its his mums fault he isn't going at all

And it is fair because you're the one paying for your child!

I'm glad your chat with DH went so well. Absolutely get booked up for May. If DSS is upset he's not getting to go you can explain to him the reason why. Christ, he doesn't even want to go to Disney, so not only does his mother want you to change the date but also change the location. She can go kick a rock! You've tried to compromise with your suggestion of DSS going for a week but his pigheaded mother has now ensured he doesn't go at all. Sounds like someone has had her own way for too long. If she feels her DS is missing out then she has the opportunity to take him on holiday herself at a time and place that she feels is more appropriate.

Given that previously she's threatened to not hand over his passport shows she doesn't actually care about her DS missing out and is more interested in point scoring against her ex. It's a shame DSS is stuck in the middle of this but it's not yours or DHs fault that his mother is unreasonable and difficult, and your kids shouldn't miss out just because this woman is a bitch!

Why would changing to august make any difference if he doesn’t want to go anyway… she sounds horrid. A week is a great compromise.

How's the weather on your planet?

Every single post you come along and post this same very boring story regardless of the facts. Every single time. It's like you refuse to read.

What's really bonkers is several times you say you don't have a issue with blended families 🤯 blows my mind how you can't see this.

Actually I think op repeatedly asking mum to get DSC come and paying for him is more than showing she wants him to come. It's more than what dad or mum are doing actually?

The fact of the matter is mum wants to dictate when they holiday and OPs rightly pissed off and said no thank you.

Op the ex is literally irrelevant. You have done your best to try and get this to work. However that doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards to support a mum who's not willing to meet half way. Frankly I feel sorry for DSC for having a mum like that personally but each to their own.

Remember you married a man with a child, but you didn't marry his ex so you can pretty much ignore that bat shut craziness.

I’m allowed to have hopes and dreams for my own children. DSS mum is allowed to as well but whether she does or not is up to her. In my previous posts I have said I’ve always paid half to his holidays and days out with us! And always will step child or not.
we have offered a compromise with his mum - it’s not good enough for her but tough. Like others have said she can save up and take him herself if she wants

Perfectly capable of reading repeated posts that describe how the person resents /dislikes and criticises a child.
Only on the SM forum you are not allowed to point out this double standard.

Well done OP - I think you did everything you can to include him. I think the truth his, his mum didn’t want him to go on a holiday with you and your children and she’s hoping to control the situation.

I would now book and have a fabulous time.

I would however watch for her becoming ‘I’ll’ nearer the time and DH having to step back and have him whilst mum recovers -

I wouldn’t mention it again for now.

If she thinks it's to far for him to go in May, why is it suddenly an ok distance in August?