If you/your partner see your kids EOW do they have a key?

[monomatapea]

DH's DSC come every other weekend and in holidays. Eldest would like a key. I'm ok with having a set of keys that they can take out with them but it stays here when they are at their mum's. DH wants to give them their own key to keep. I'm uncomfortable with this incase they start letting their mum in while we are out. AIBU?

Do you think she would even care enough to want to come to your house uninvited?

They are DH children the only question is, would you ever give your child a key to the house?

Totally with you on this - we got round it by having a key safe so the DSDs could always get in but keys went nowhere…also reduced problems with keys being lost/forgotten.

They always had keys. It caused quite a lot of friction when they went through a spate of using the house as a party house if we were away. But I didn’t mind them having a key the rest of the time. It was their house too.

Is there a massive drop feed? Why would mum want access to your house?

Yes

And yes - our shared child yes I would because they wouldn't let the DSC's mum in.

Mum would think nothing of popping in to use the loo or "just coming in to drop the bags off"

Wouldn't cross my mind to think they'd be inviting their mum in. Yes they could have a key, it's their home. They should be able to come and go as they please.

My children have keys to both parents houses. Neither parent would dream of coming in uninvited.

Age dependent, you would be unreasonable not to let them have a key.

I would get a key safe. We have one as one DC kept losing his key.

Key safe could be a good shout thanks

But if they're likely to give their Mum the key to come in, wouldn't they just tell her the key safe code anyway?

Ah. Yeah.

Or just day it's ok mum you can come in for a bit.

I guess we just take the key out when they've gone back to mums? So it's there when they go out with their mates or whatever but not when mum wants to drop them off early and we aren't there.

Another one with a key safe. I actually got it so my kids could pop in to collect things when at their dads and I always got lumbered with taking it round!

Tbf he always checks they are ok to go in and help themselves!

@TryingHard1990 I wish there was thar sort of respect

We gave my stepson a key and he used it to let himself and his friends in to stay overnight while we were away. Twice- at aged 12 and 13. He won’t be getting it back, the trust has gone

My SC don’t have a key but that is due to lying / stealing / repeat broken trust.

Part of me thinks we should give them a chance. The other thinks once they have the key it's harder to take it off them and they will find it too hard to say no to mum.

As a parent, I would not be paying for any house for which my children could not have a key. If my spouse or partner were to suggest such a thing, I would then expect them to pay the mortgage in full on their own.

If there were anyone that I did not wish to be admitted to the house, I would have that discussion with my kids, but the solution would never be to deny them a key to a house for which I was paying.

Also, I would probably not have a problem with them allowing their other parent to use the restroom if necessary.

We have had workers and service people who have used the restroom in our home, I think that I would be hard pressed to suggest that they refuse to let their other parent use the restroom. Certainly, it is not a position in which I would place my child.

Can you get a Ring doorbell? set the boundaries/rules and give them a chance to stick to it. Make it clear there are no exceptions to her entering the house. If they do invite her in you will see that and can remove the access to the keys but at least will have tried.

As a parent, I would not be paying for any house for which my children could not have a key. If my spouse or partner were to suggest such a thing, I would then expect them to pay the mortgage in full on their own if he suggested this then he can just move out then.

I would do the same as you OP and just give them a key for when they're actually over. But then with EOW contact, there isn't a precedent of DSS just coming over whenever he feels like it so this wouldn't really be an issue.

What if they need to get something and you aren't there?
Of course they have a key, it's their home!

This isn't the dynamic for everyone, and isn't that likely when the kids routinely come EOW and not the rest of the time.

Give them a key and get a ring doorbell. Sorted.