Changing the locks tomorrow so SD can’t do this anymore

[Exhaustedandangry]

SD is 20 and has lived with us since age 15. Terrible teen issues and DP ex couldn’t cope anymore.
Nothing much has changed still issues. SD works full time and goes out nearly every night coming home at 2/3/4 am and waking us all up. We have 2 younger dc and it’s affecting them severely.

She pays us rent but doesn’t clean up after herself at all and I feel like I’m running a hotel service

I’ve told DP locks are getting changed tomorrow and her stuff packed up. Given so many chances for her to change. She can get a room somewhere in a shared house I’ve had enough . I can’t have my children woken nearly every night it’s affecting their schooling as they are exhausted (they are 7 and 5)

This.

Her being daughter or step daughter is academic l think. Her behaviour is anti social and terrible. I couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour. The bad news for her is lots of house shares won’t either

Im amused at the council suggestion. Housing wont give her the time of day. She’s young, healthy, working, no dependants etc. Where l live then the housing wait list is 5-10 years, that’s for people with high needs and vulnerabilities. Not for rude, self absorbed and immature people who disrupt other people

Missing the point entirely. If the OP is the one who is dealing with the consequences - cleaning up after SD, getting up in the night to deal with upset younger children, missing sleep etc - then she has every right to ask SD to leave if she’s been given multiple chances to change, and hasn’t. I would have thought the relationship with DP is under just as much threat from any inability to deal with his own daughters’ lack of control and concern for anyone but herself.

Yes… the typical time to find a rental, go through references, and finance checks and give her half a chance to get paid and provide a deposit to her new landlord!

Rent much? 🤨

Her grandmother could easily be in her late forties, not some white haired octogenarian in a rocking chair.

Where did I justify her behaviour @Alondra? I specifically said that the father needs to handle the actual removal of the daughter, not the OP who has and continues to advocate for her younger kids, as she should. But I think the actual removing should be done by a bio parent. I hope that's clearer for you!

Not sure why the op is bearing the brunt of this behaviour. Everything is capable of being sorted out by the dad at night time/early morning. It's obviously very anti-social and needs changing but it sounds like past consequences for her have just been fudged over and allowed to go on so no wonder she is not taking it seriously. Time for dad to be firm or meet halfway. Eg no key then no getting in. Absolutely no ringing/hammering on the door. Once in straight to bed and no clattering/singing. She has 7 days to respect your wishes (to prove it can be done) otherwise she's moving to grandma's. And mean it!

Her grandmother could easily be in her late forties, not some white haired octogenarian in a rocking chair.

So became a grandmother in her late twenties? Really?

Ick you know I was wondering how a 20 year old thinks this behaviour is acceptable and then I read the comments and realised they walk amount us.

If my Dd has done what your SDC has done I would have turfed her out wayyyy before you op.

It's interesting because people are skating your DP but no comments on mum not being able to cope and obviously not being a decent parent.

When in truth - if DSD thinks this is ok both mum and dad are at fault somewhat, this is really about DSD feeling entitled to do whatever she wants at the cost of everyone else. She knows the effects but doesn't care enough to change because why would she ? She thinks it's empty threats in dads house at least.

It's just one parent has caved and turfed her out before the other. Not that I blame mum for doing this as it's exactly what I would have done. I would pack her bags, change the key safe code (bet she suddenly remembers it) when she hears she may have to go live with Nan. Change the locks, pick her up and drop her at nans house. And wave her off.

She will scream she will cry and plead. And then you will be forever known as the evil step mum (forgetting mum did the exact same thing) and you will become part of the evil sm club. But in this case actually she needs to learn, she's had the easy option and didn't take it. Now she's gonna get the hard option.

And all of that is on her because she's not 10 she's 20.

Slating*

Change the locks!
She's a 20 year old woman, not a child and she was warned about the consequences of her actions.
She isn't a tenant or a lodger so you don't need to give notice. If she's paid board for February, give it back pro rata, not in cash though, transfer it into her bank account.
She's an entitled, spoiled brat who needs to grow up fast

Don’t blame you.
Time for tough love.

She pays rent.

Legally you cannot just change the locks and please ignore anyone who said to do this. Why do people think this is allowed? If it were that easy any landlord could do it. Tenants have rights and there is due process.

Ultimately you would need a court order to evict her if she refused to go.

She's hardly a tenant with a legally binging contract just because she pays 'board' to her DPs .

It’s MN so of course people are banging on about utter irrelevancies like notice periods and tenancy law.

She’s an adult child living in the family home. The fact she pays a bit of dig money does not make her a tenant or even a lodger.

Of course the OP can just change the locks in her house. The SD can go to her grandmother’s (who has offered) or she can make her own arrangements.

Rent😂. I would be most surprised if SD was even covering the cost of the energy she consumes, the costs of the ingredients that OP labours to turn into meals, her share of council tax etc. I've yet to see any young adult on MN pay even half the going rate for a room in someone else's house!

@Exhaustedandangry I'm curious, did SD moved to her Grandmother's and did you get the locks changed?

@SpaceshiptoMars the OP would need a court order to evict her because she pays ‘rent’ claim made me laugh. A lot.

I suspect that SD would be very reluctant to take the box room in a house on the 'hurry home at night with your door keys in your hand ' street. And that her behaviour would get her thrown out from there with zero notice as well!

I have a seem a similar thread on here but not involving step children (adults) but biological children and it's funny because there was not one person suggesting that extensive notice had to be given or a court order issued to change the locks.

Funny I wonder why the massive difference in responses .

When I was 20 my brother was born. The first thing I did was move out as I did like my nights out way back then and knew it wouldn't be fair. She's old enough to know better and frankly just being fucking rude. If I'd carried on like that with a newborn in the house, I'd have hoped my parents would have had the sense to chuck me out without even giving warning.

The Op says she pays rent. Squatters don't have contracts but you still need a court order to evict them.

Does not make the slightest difference. You cannot legally just change the locks to force someone from their home.

@Willyoujustbequiet it's exactly the point because no one on that thread once said er you can't change the locks.

But here we are having several people say including yourself a court order is needed. Is the law different for DSC than biological children ?

Wish I had known as a step child.. the bullshit I could have gotten away with.

Also https://www.ehow.co.uk/info123400400_evict-adult-children-uk.html

In nice simple terms explained.

Potentially yes. Not sure why it would make you laugh - adult kids are generally excluded occupiers but they still need to be given notice. You cant just change the locks overnight.

If at the end of the notice period they refuse to leave then yes you need a possession order.