Should we be paying this much maintenance?

[wallepaper]

Please don't flame me; I've seen other posters post similar and basically be told they're horrendous for being 'just the partner' and suggesting otherwise and that is essentially none of their business.
This is not something that I'm personally pushing but also something I don't have anyone else to seek opinions from, so just looking for opinions with no judgement!

DH has 2DC from a previous relationship (Y4 & Y9).
The weekly schedule goes as follows...
Monday - At their mums
Tuesday - At their mums
Wednesday - Their DM drops them off to school. We pick them up and they stay over.
Thursday - We drop them off to school, their mum picks them up.
Friday - Their DM drops them off, we pick them up to have tea with us and then drop them off.
Saturday - We pick them up at 10am for the day with us and to stay over.
Sunday - With us all day, we drop them home half an hour before their bedtime at 7.30pm.

He pays several hundred in maintenance on a monthly basis on a standing order.

The schedule never used to include them being with us essentially the entire weekend, it was always half the weekend. I never contested maintenance when this was the case.
However, we have had them virtually the entire weekend every weekend this year, which is when their several clubs are as well.

I've spoken to DH explaining that I think maintenance is too high for these circumstances given that we have limited spare to take them out to do exciting activities on the weekend, which to me is the predominant time with them.
DH counters that by saying they we have them less than half of the nights, so it needs to be that much.

Like I said, just looking for general advice without being flamed.
If the majority are looking from his perspective too then I'm not put out, I'm just generally curious on thoughts about it!

OP unless their mum is working at the weekend then you and your DH should have them from Friday evening to Sunday evening every other weekend, plus the one night in the week every week.

What your husband and his ex are doing is completely unfair on their kids. They are little people not parcels to be seen when it pleases his ex. Oh and their mum won't lose out on maintenance that way.

This regime has clearly evolved like this so you are doing half of the care, but the overnights are in their mums favour for financial reasons. We had a similar situation. A lot of people will say if the kids are happy with it don't change it... but for us this evolved into a super controlling situation where any slight change to the routine for events, holidays etc resulting in the most toxic nonsense you could imagine. The old CSA is based on number of night. Now it's based on shared care. So if you can evidence that the day to day care do the children is equal (it could potentially be more than) than maintenance money does not apply. The CMS will give you the runaround even if you can evidence it. She only has to say no. It would likely have to go to tribunal and you would no doubt experience a lot of resistance. My husband was able to evidence equal day to day care except in the case of dental/doctors appts. It makes sense now why his ex refused to allow him to be involved in any of these. On occasions he was unwell with us you could always expect a random trip to the Dr's for soemthing vague and that reeked of BS not long after. Seems she must have taken advice on how to tactically ensure it would just tip the balance.
I found it quite eye opening that it seems certain verifiable but infrequent things have a greater weighting when it comes to shared care.
Hope this helps - wishing you luck. To be frank I think she's taking the p*. It's sad really as it's not very often acknowledged that you have costs to meet in your home also and children don't exist on fresh air when they are with the NRP to such an extent yours are xx

killerkweek · Today 18:31
@MrsSkylerWhite she's his wife, of course it's her business“

Unless she’s expected to contribute, no it isn’t.

Yes, it's the correct amount to send because
a) That is what your husband feels comfortable spending on his kids maintenance
b) see a

There are always far to many unknown variables in these to make comment.

Cms is the legal minimum based on no. Of nights

It does cost hundreds to raise a child.

I would prefer eow . However does ex of dp work any of the weekend ?

Is dp or ex unhappy with the situation or hust you

OP is his wife. Of course it's her business.

@Starlightstarbright1 she works part-time in school hours during the week.

DH isn't happy about the situation but he believes it'll 'cause problems' to confront it.

What happens in school holidays? It's based on nights per year.

Absolutely this!
There are enough shit Dads trying to get out of paying for the cost of raising their kids. This Father is a good one. You should not be in the wings trying to undermine this.

If you don’t like the arrangements , then walk from the relationship rather than trying to reduce what he pays to his kids.

But it’s done on overnights and you don’t want more overnights eg Friday, so yes it’s probably right then. Most parents would be happy to have so much weekend time with their dc - I can’t imagine weekends without mine. You realise most parents spend the whole weekend with dc every weekend so why are you reacting like that’s an amazing thing? It’s sad and odd their dm doesn’t want them but lucky for your dh.

How much does your DH earn?

Unless it's affecting your finances or you are paying towards then to put it bluntly it's got nothing to do with you what he pays towards his DC.

Not every man wants to sit on the lowest moral ladder of paying the legal minimum.

Good grief! Seriously??

So she has them during school holidays?

The main thing I'm taking from that arrangement is the kids are all over the place.

Do they find it disruptive?

As others have said, maintenance is based on nights spent with you and mum so is it on the calculator?

Yeah, this too.

This. If there was aggro between the actual parents then I’d understand the op wanting to get involved. But dad has literally told her to butt out, their arrangements fine. Fuck all to do with the op

How much is several? 3? 5? 9?

Why won’t you say how much he is paying ? This makes me think it’s probably not a lot anyway

@OnTheRunWithMannyMontana completely agree

Several hundred? How much?

The question is do your step kids want to change the pattern? Does your husband want them to stay because he wants to spend more time with them or is it because you want to reduce the amount you pay? It seems like this is financially motivated which is a bit sad tbh.

How much exactly is he paying? As a PP said, several hundred could be £200 or it could be £900. And how does it compare to his earnings?

But this is Mumsnet. Surely all money is ‘family money’ isn’t it? Or does that principle only apply when it suits?

I don't think anyone wants to see their husband taken advantage of, emotionally or financially. This does not sound like a fair agreement to me, that in turn will feed resentment that could transfer to the SC. This should be sorted but if you've already broached the subject and he won't do anything then where can you go from here? Is he worried his ex will withhold contact (doubt it) is he lazy? Or would he rather have bad feelings from you than his ex? He needs to sort out his priorities, he remarried, he has a new wife and you should be his priority