Fed up of reminding him. Shall I stop?

[chickidychick]

DH used to leave it last minute to do Christmas shopping for the DSC and was then left trying to think of ideas for stocking fillers in the local (small) supermarket shop. This was when I first met him. When we moved in together I took it upon myself to pester him to look a bit earlier. They loved their stocking that year and since then I've kept up with the reminding and suggestions.

We now have a DC and I'm back at work. Frankly I do not have the brain capacity to keep reminding him. I'm sorting out DC's. Am I a complete evil step mum to just tell him its black Friday week if he wanted to start looking for Christmas presents and leave it at that?

Not at all.
Have a serious conversation with him and say this year you will not be nagging or reminding, it's up to him.
Then leave him to it.

I had to take a step back and do exactly as you have suggested. A lot of this is about the mental load women carry anyway and it’s absolutely not your job to buy gifts. This is something you can pass back.

Yes, it is his job, but those poor children. I don't think I could stand to see them getting crap presents.

I wouldn't even tell him it's Black Friday week, does he not ever watch TV/look at social media/read his emails?

I was thinking if I said I'm not doing the DSC's stocking this year its too much for me but just a heads up it is black Friday week. It might be a good compromise for this year.

It depends.

I would help if we were a team with DP, if I was happy in the relationship in general and if he was helping with DC and pulling his weight in.

If you not having the brain capacity is caused by DP not helping with general life stuff and DC, I would leave it up to him to sort.

Call me calculated but that's how I would do it.

Is he generally a crap father?

Just put a reminder on his mobile that repeats every day…

He is not a child, Op is not his mum to organise his life for him

No

So will his children be disappointed?

I completely agree with this.

I'm sorting out DC's.
So if you didn’t your shared child would have a crap Christmas stocking too ..

Why don't you do the Christmas shopping for all the children together?

So the dad gets exactly what he wants and doesn't have to put any effort in?

I'm doing dp's DD's stocking because I'm doing my DD's and it's easy to do them at the same time. It's not about money, I have more time

Oh come on. That's a bit extreme.

No idea, it depends how they feel on the day I guess and what he manages to pick up. He might have improved his stocking game but I won't find out unless I stop getting involved.

Because massive age difference and I like doing the Christmas shopping and getting little bits for stocking as I see them rather than do one trip. He is a one trip sort of person.

My thoughts exactly. Surely if you can be a team, and shop for one DC, you can shop for them all ?

Because they like completely different things.

Personally I don’t think the time to stop what you voluntarily chose to take on previously is when you’ve just got a joint DC together. I think the potential damage caused to children is worth the mental headspace. I agree it isn’t your responsibility but it wasn’t when you chose to take it on. Having taken it on, choosing to not anymore is totally your choice but do it knowing that you’ll impact children who don’t get to make a choice in this situation.

One person doing all the work for the person responsible is in fact the opposite of what ‘being a team’ means. I’d do as you suggest and remind him that it’s Black Friday week and he needs to sort presents for all of his children.

This will be the 3rd Christmas with DC. I did it the last two years.