Step Daughter and clothes

[Kat22xx]

Hi all new poster here! Just wanted to first say that my step daughter is nearing 9, I've been in her life since she was 4 & lived with my partner for 3 years. We have her roughly 5 out of 14 nights a fortnight. All in all I think I have a very good & what I believe 'healthy' relationship with my DSD. There have been no major issues, she's a happy little kid, greets me warmly with a hug, we do lots of fun things, she's a part of my family now and hand on heart couldn't wish for a better step daughter.

There is just one little niggle that is driving me and of course my partner completely mad. It's her issues surrounding clothes/getting dressed. She will not wear anything other than joggers & hoodies. She just point blank refuses. Btw I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a 9 year old wearing that, but if we give her say some simple black leggings (a size up as she won't wear anything tight, has to be lose fitting) and a jumper to wear she just point blank refuses. We plan nice activities to do which she loves, such as afternoon tea, theatre, Sunday lunches, and we have some family Christmas parties / meals out coming up too. It would be nice if we could get her out of a tracksuit for these things as in my opinion it looks a little out of place (sorry if that offends anyway that's just how I've been brought up I suppose).

My partner tries to reason with her to find out why as the clothes we give her are nothing fussy whatsoever, but she says it's uncomfy/tight and if he puts his foot down she will be in a huge sulk for ages which then ruins the day. He doesn't know how to handle this anymore. It's got so bad that she still wears socks with her school dress as she won't wear tights either as they're so 'tight'.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this please?

My youngest has no sensory issues, but at the age of 10 knows her own mind enough to understand she's neither a performing seal nor a doll to be paraded in other people's idea of her clothing.

She lives in boys clothes, the cut is more generous and it suits the kind of child she is (active, loves exploring, climbing, playing football etc).

Not all 'tracksuits' but from the looks of this thread we wouldn't be welcome to take her anywhere other than the park because of the way she dresses. Her clothes are always clean and ironed when she puts them on and frankly she looks a lot smarter than some of the non-ironing smug mummy's I've seen about.

If there was an actual special occasion like a wedding to attend then we'd definitely look for an outfit appropriate that she felt comfortable in, but the idea that afternoon tea or the theatre requires anything smarter than clean, ironed clothes is absolutely ridiculous!

I really pity some children who could otherwise be happy based on posters attitudes on here - no wonder so many kids are fucked about about their identity when wearing something as simple as joggers makes them an apparent outcast that is regularly upset by their parents/step parents.

Fair enough. Relevant experience.

I hate wearing uncomfortable clothes to the extent I'd rather not go somewhere than dress up sometimes. I think a lot of this was because I was made to wear uncomfortable clothes dresses, tights etc when I was younger.

DS (12) only wears jogger style trousers and shorts - and T-shirts/longsleeved t shirts- i dream of him wearing jeans or proper trousers but he's not scruffy - we go to different types of restaurants /theatre etc with no issues- these type of clothes don't have to look scruffy.
Its just not worth the battle- you can't force your preconceptions of what is right or wrong to wear on a child - even if you are the biological parent.
I don't think people dress up for theatres anymore - or rather only a certain type of person does!

@RoseslnTheHospital @Zoomingo ❤️ Thanks for responding positively

No worries I had offered help earlier in the thread too but probably should have stuck with leaving it at that.

I hate wearing uncomfortable clothes to the extent I'd rather not go somewhere than dress up sometimes. I think a lot of this was because I was made to wear uncomfortable clothes dresses, tights etc when I was younger

same here.

also the stress of what will people think and I was made to feel very like if I wasn’t dressed “right” people would judge, or my companions (mum) would be embarrassed to be with me.

i also avoided a lot of social situations rather than turn up dressed wrong.

i let my kids wear what they want. And never ever mentioned their clothes would show me up or embarrass men. Funnily enough as young adults they are now very confident in their fashion sense and are much better than me in knowing what to wear, how to pull an outfit together etc. because they’ve been allowed to try without the fear of mistakes.

So she will wear skirts and dresses, but not tights or leggings and you think socks aren’t appropriate? Look, many schools make boys wear shorts and socks all year round and they are fine. Buy knee length socks and dresses that aren’t tightly fitted on the waist, or wide leg trousers.

she doesn’t like clothes that are tight on her legs, don’t buy them. Generations of children have gone out in winter with bare knees (either skirts or shorts with long socks) and been fine. Particularly if the events are indoors.

(Slightly thrown at the idea that clean new joggers would be seen as looking like a scruff bag at an occasion when leggings would be fine - to my mine leggings are a similar level of smartness.)

Actually OP - would something like this work wide leg jogger trousers put them with a nice top and they’d just look like black wide leg trousers. But made of jogger material.

Or a dress like this one from Boden sweater dress worn with knee high socks.

some kids don’t like tight clothes. Stop trying to make her something she’s not and work with who she is. Leggings and skinny trousers aren’t an option. Work with what she likes.

You don’t handle it. She’s 9 and she is telling you clearly she doesn’t want to wear the clothes you’re telling her to.

If anything, it’s for her mum to work through with her.