Step Daughter and clothes

[Kat22xx]

Hi all new poster here! Just wanted to first say that my step daughter is nearing 9, I've been in her life since she was 4 & lived with my partner for 3 years. We have her roughly 5 out of 14 nights a fortnight. All in all I think I have a very good & what I believe 'healthy' relationship with my DSD. There have been no major issues, she's a happy little kid, greets me warmly with a hug, we do lots of fun things, she's a part of my family now and hand on heart couldn't wish for a better step daughter.

There is just one little niggle that is driving me and of course my partner completely mad. It's her issues surrounding clothes/getting dressed. She will not wear anything other than joggers & hoodies. She just point blank refuses. Btw I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a 9 year old wearing that, but if we give her say some simple black leggings (a size up as she won't wear anything tight, has to be lose fitting) and a jumper to wear she just point blank refuses. We plan nice activities to do which she loves, such as afternoon tea, theatre, Sunday lunches, and we have some family Christmas parties / meals out coming up too. It would be nice if we could get her out of a tracksuit for these things as in my opinion it looks a little out of place (sorry if that offends anyway that's just how I've been brought up I suppose).

My partner tries to reason with her to find out why as the clothes we give her are nothing fussy whatsoever, but she says it's uncomfy/tight and if he puts his foot down she will be in a huge sulk for ages which then ruins the day. He doesn't know how to handle this anymore. It's got so bad that she still wears socks with her school dress as she won't wear tights either as they're so 'tight'.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this please?

I would legit wear a tracksuit to the theatre.

Are you 9 years old?

Whats appropriate about dressing like a scruff bag to go to nice places? Absolutely nothing.

So you want to exclude people from a space because of how they dress?

I'd say that's pretty normal for a 9yo these days. It's not as cool to dress up. Try Next, Zara, H&M for nicer tracksuits and just go with it for now.

Just take her shopping with you for an event. Tell her the brief and try to make it exciting and fun. I wouldn't take a child in a hoodie to an afternoon tea either! She's 9 not 2. All of ours have sensory issues but we can still find smart clothes. It's a lot of trial and error. Marks and Spencers usually have some decent options.

What they mean is

• Povs
• Chavs
• Thick people who have no culture

But they won’t say it, because they’d rightly get a ban. Cowards.

Where did you get that from? Stop making stuff up.

I haven’t once said exclude people.

Then it's fine for her to wear a Tracksuit then.

Go ahead if you want to look like a scruff bag.

Have you seen some of the stuff that’s said in AIBU.

I don’t think anyone would get a ban for saving chavs wear tracksuits!!!

Saying*

Boden have jersey dresses you can put with dm style boots and socks, they look good for young girls and are comfy.

My DD used to wear them....

What's appropriate about looking down your nose at a 9 year old dressed in clean and comfy clothes?

Bet you go to tesco in your filthy PJ's that you've worn for 3 days straight and just have a snobby online persona because you like to feel superior sometimes.

In my personal experience it seems to be the working class that make more effort with DCs dress. MC children do seem to dress more comfortably.

Reading through these comments, some are disgusting. Calling children wearing jogging bottoms to the theatre or restaurants "tramps" and "scruff bags" is absolutely awful.

If anyone commented on my DC, who can physically wear nothing else, even for school, I would flip my lid.

Hope you're proud of yourselves.

😂 I’d never lower myself to stepping foot outside my house in my pjs but if it makes you feel better to think that then go ahead 🤣🤣

Leave her to it, she’s 9.

Something like this with leggings and little Chelsea boots. Would that work?

www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/long-sleeve-fun-jersey-dress-starboard-rainbow-floral/sty-g2772-thn?cat=C1_S13

It sounds like a sensory issue, leave her be and just try occasionally. Don't bombard her or she will be more resistant to wearing different clothes.

Leave her be - don't put yourself in the position of difficult step parent or suggest that her clothes are so important. Let her be comfy and don't make a drama unnecessarily. You could make sure she has enough hoodies and trackies to always have clean and presentable ones for going out. You could tell her that if she gets fed up with her clothes and wants to go shopping for other comfy stuff, you'd accompany her if she wants. Then just don't mention it.

I agree with l"eave her be" approach.

It sounds like a sensory issue. Her clothes are comfortable and age appropriate. This isn't a hill I'd die on.

I've never worn a tracksuit. I don't like cropped tops and leggings. I'm not wearing them . My DC can have their hair how they want and wear what they want. They won't wear coats, drives me mad. Hell mend them, they are going to get cold.

Get her a new snazzy tracksuit my DD loves to wear tracksuits and I just go with it now she's comfy and behaves well a battle I don't want to pick but she does now have some nice tracksuits some for smarter wear and others to slouch about in

The oddest thing here is that you're presenting SD with particular clothes you want her to wear (and that you're then surprised she rejects them and is unhappy) and that the things you do choose for her to wear are so far from what she chooses to wear that it's clear you're not taking her preferences into account at all.

She likes fairly loose comfortable trousers and hoodies. Probably cotton. You present her with... leggings, a piece of clothing known to be tight on the legs! The jumper is less egregious, but is an item which, though the materials used vary greatly, can often be scratchy.

Why wouldn't you suggest jeans or cotton trousers? Why go straight to something that's tighter on someone who you know to prefer a looser fit?

if he puts his foot down she will be in a huge sulk for ages which then ruins the day I'm not surprised she's unhappy. Clothing style is an important part of a person's self-expression and children have comparatively fewer choices in their lives anyway. Aren't there things you'd hate to have to wear? Wouldn't you react negatively to being forced to wear them, especially if you also found the fabric and cut uncomfortable rather than only making you feel awkward and not liking how it looks?

It's one thing if you merely made it a 'hey SD, we're dressing up more formally for this occasion, look, I'm wearing this instead of my usual wear, your dad's wearing a suit, so we'd like you to dress a bit 'up' from your normal wear' and then let her choose something she actually likes. That sounds very far from what you're doing.

Of course it’s scruffy to make no effort when going to nice place

define “effort”.

if my dc are clean, hair brushed, teeth clean, nails clean, deodorant on, relatively new clothes that are also washed nicely and ironed if required, that is enough “effort” as far as I am concerned.

it is fashionable in my dd’s circles to wear soft comfy trousers not unlike joggers, with a fitted tee. it doesn’t look scruffy at all, and it’s fine with me.

many outfits can be dressed “up” easily enough with nice hair and maybe a bit of jewellery.