Step Daughter and clothes

[Kat22xx]

Hi all new poster here! Just wanted to first say that my step daughter is nearing 9, I've been in her life since she was 4 & lived with my partner for 3 years. We have her roughly 5 out of 14 nights a fortnight. All in all I think I have a very good & what I believe 'healthy' relationship with my DSD. There have been no major issues, she's a happy little kid, greets me warmly with a hug, we do lots of fun things, she's a part of my family now and hand on heart couldn't wish for a better step daughter.

There is just one little niggle that is driving me and of course my partner completely mad. It's her issues surrounding clothes/getting dressed. She will not wear anything other than joggers & hoodies. She just point blank refuses. Btw I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a 9 year old wearing that, but if we give her say some simple black leggings (a size up as she won't wear anything tight, has to be lose fitting) and a jumper to wear she just point blank refuses. We plan nice activities to do which she loves, such as afternoon tea, theatre, Sunday lunches, and we have some family Christmas parties / meals out coming up too. It would be nice if we could get her out of a tracksuit for these things as in my opinion it looks a little out of place (sorry if that offends anyway that's just how I've been brought up I suppose).

My partner tries to reason with her to find out why as the clothes we give her are nothing fussy whatsoever, but she says it's uncomfy/tight and if he puts his foot down she will be in a huge sulk for ages which then ruins the day. He doesn't know how to handle this anymore. It's got so bad that she still wears socks with her school dress as she won't wear tights either as they're so 'tight'.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this please?

You put ..I'd tell you to wind your neck in if I saw you were moaning about my child's clothing choices on a parenting website read by millions

My reply was to that.

It’s a bit obvious the kind of people that put on their best Tracksuit to go to nice places.

When I was about 11 and started puberty I was so embarrassed and aware and whenever I went to my dads I always wore really baggy things. I overheard him moaning once saying I was a scruff! But it was actually because I didn't like the thought of him seeing me growing up. Could it be something like that?

Yes I know what I said.

If its their best Tracksuit then it probably won't also be scruffy.

If you say so. 😂

The kind of people that object to children wearing joggers and a hoody to an event like an afternoon tea or a theatre trip, and judge them for it are not worth the time to argue with.

Yet the OP and her partner so the girls dad also think they same or they wouldn’t be trying to get her to wear something a bit nicer for special occasions.

Doesn't mean they are right.

A theater trip means sitting still for well over an hour often in a small seat. Why not wear comfy clothes for that. It will be dark anyway and everyone is looking at the front. It's only OP and the kids dad who want to parade her round like a possession.

@Kat22xx girls these days have so many messages pushed onto them about their appearance and their looks. Don't create an issue where there doesn't need to be one.

There has been no mention of sensory issues by OP. Presumably this is because tracksuits seem to be in fashion at the moment.
I hate tracksuits, always have, maybe because where I grew up only a certain type of person would wear them not exercising. Fortunately my children have no desire to wear them but if they did, I sure as hell wouldn't allow it. Scruffy. I grew up in a deprived area, currently live on a council estate, not a middle class snob. I really think they're awful.
What is the clothing situation, does she have stuff she keeps there or do clothes flow between the two houses? If the first, I'd tell her they had an accident in the washing machine and she'll just need to wear what you've bought. No tracksuit options. That's what she has and that's it.
Otherwise, she's 9, go without her if she won't dress properly. If she loves doing it enough she'll wear some normal day wear. Tunic & leggings maybe. She'll need to accept the feeling of wearing something that isn't like wearing PJ'S.

Spot on.

poor girl, leave her alone and let her be comfy. She doesn’t have to dress up so that you are not embarrassed.

It doesn’t mean they are wrong either. You just don’t agree.

Well the seat isn’t small for a 9 year old and no one is saying she has to be uncomfortable. She can find something else besides a trackie she’s comfortable in.

Harem trousers in soft materials are loose, but dressier than joggers. Batwing tops are trendy too, so in soft materials they might work.

You've described Dts to a 't'. I can't be arsed to argue, pretty sure they're both not NT. even if they were why should anyone be uncomfortable in what they wear?

What type of person?

H&M red sweatshirt
flared leggings

I asked if YOU would turn up as an adult wearing a tracksuit or lounge wear equivalent. Just because she's a child doesn't mean she can't dress appropriately for special occasions.

It's not inappropriate its just not dressed how they want her to dress.

What's inappropriate about a clean, comfy tracksuit?

As an adult I go places where I can dress comfortably, I just wouldn't go somewhere with a dress code. This child doesn't have that choice, so why can't she wear what she is comfortable in?

I think especially since covid times people have relaxed more generally re clothing anyway

My dd was like this. She was later diagnosed with autism.

Well my working class standards have clearly slipped. If I saw anyone at a formal occassion in a tracksuit, I would inwardly judge.

Yes it's the fashion, I wear hoodies myself, I wear trackies around the house.... Shock I may even do the food shop wearing it.... But go for afternoon tea, theatre... Really???

My 9 year old dd has sensory issues around tight clothes. What does your dsd wear for school - is it skirt and socks or loose fitting trousers if tights are an issue?

if she’s happy with knee length socks and a skirt, perhaps jumper dresses that aren’t tight on the waist (maybe in sweatshirt material so super comfy), or loose fitting trousers other than joggers - not leggings or skinny jeans.

we had success with wide leg jumpsuit and a long sleeved T underneath.

or buy her a new pair of joggers for your meal and go with who she is.

You would judge a 9yo child for wearing something comfy to a panto or a family party?

Says more about you than anything else tbh.

It’s a bit obvious the kind of people that put on their best Tracksuit to go to nice places.

Perhaps @JennyJungle and @CombatBarbie you could explain because it's not obvious to me.