Inheritance

[BananaFluff]

I have inherited some money - not loads. But I want to save some of it to take my shared DC away on holiday with DH when they are a bit older. The once in a lifetime kind of holiday, maybe Disneyland not decided yet will see what they like when they are older. I don't want to pay for my DSC and I don't want them coming tbh. It would change the vibe DC will be in primary school and they'll be much older teens possibly even in 6th form. Anyway. I mentioned to DH this was my plan and he was like oh can I bring DSC if they want to come and offered to pay. So I have begrudgingly said well start saving and we'll see when the time comes if they want to come but I want it to be the holiday I choose because it's my relatives money I'm spending and your kids are tagging along. So far so good but it got me thinking, he should be paying for half of shared DC too shouldn't he? I'm a bit miffed he didnt even think about that.

Dear god it is people like you that make me pray that my children never have a step parent.

Oh thank goodness. I saw this thread had popped back up again and was like oh great a barrage of ! From people who

Sorry fat thumb!

People who just don't get it.

@RealityTV Ok thanks

JFC some people are being just awful to the OP on here. Awful!

If my (for example) grandmother passed and left me, say, £35,000 and I knew that (1) she was very fond of my DC as “my” DC, so irrespective of whether she knew them or not (2) she hadn’t met by SDC (3) that £35,000 was a lot of money to her that she’d saved over years and at cost to her,

then yes, I would be saying to DH that it would feel wrong spending her savings on the SDC. My grandmother would have wanted that money to go towards her own great-grandchildren. Of course she would.

I would tell my DH that we should all go away together - and OP has said the SDC can come along too if they want - but yes he/we would have to pay for the SDC outside this inheritance from my side of the family. It would be a family trip, if the older SDC want it, and they needn’t know about the finances but I couldn’t take from my grandmother to give to my SDC. They are the responsibility of their own great grandparents etc.

I don’t see what’s wrong with that? The SDC have their parents, the D.C. have their parents, each has their grandparents, it is what it is. The trouble is that there’s little that an older teen and a 6yo could enjoy together. As it happens, Disney might be one such thing (although the DH would have to tear himself in half to be everywhere with everyone, but that’s his problem for blending families, up to him to sort it out). There are other options such as a Disney cruise which could make life easier for him but that’s up to him to research and suggest to OP.

Lol get a grip

@Suemademedoit You get it. Thank you. I think some people are just angry.

I think I’d feel angry and guilty too if my DC had a stepmother. It can’t be easy. Every less-than-perfect move the stepmother made would feel like a dagger in my heart, given she shouldn’t be in their lives in the first place (that’s probably how I’d be thinking, I’m not actually in that position). Obviously it depends on the situation but I’ve wondered about it in the past.

You want to take DC on this trip as a gift from your inheritance, so I don't see why you want your husband to pay just because he wants to bring your child's siblings. Siblings going is normal no matter the age gap. Stop considering your child's siblings are part of a different family or you will break up your family.

Bloody hell. Have you always been so exclusionary of your step child? I imagine they will not want to go anyway so a moot point.

People really should think through how it impacts the children and whether they are prepared to put existing children before their own selfishness before marrying someone with children and, even worse, creating half-siblings.

Nope, I will not be compelled to regret having my two wonderful children because I wouldn't pay for my DSC to go on holiday.

You have had a right kicking here - people seemed to be in that type of mood. Must be the Christmas ramp up to there usual rage that raises its on the holidays .

Joy.

I imagine if this was reversed people would be like it's DSC money why should it go to children that aren't related or known to the person who died.

Christ imagine being that entitled and teaching your kids that. The mind boggles. Takes a special kind of privileged that.
I don't think I'm entitled to any inheritance from anyone, let alone my kids are.

Anyway if DH is going to pay for all his children to come on holiday (and himself) great if not - toodles.

Nope, I will not be compelled to regret having my two wonderful children because I wouldn't pay for my DSC to go on holiday.

I didn't say you should regret your children. 😒🙄 Read it again.

I didn't say you should regret your children. 😒🙄 Read it again.

I did read it. In the context of this thread, the implication behind your comment that people should think about the impact on their SC before "even worse" having their own children is that if they think and act like OP, they should have decided not to have them.

Yes but ultimately that is a decision the parents make when they split up.

Of course I treat them differently. 2 of them are not my child and would be freaked out if I pretended they were.

DH even treats them differently, the two DSC have different needs at the moment.

Who are these people who are treating their DC like they are the same people?!

Yes but ultimately that is a decision the parents make when they split up

Parents? In my experience, one parent decides they want out of a relationship. It is impossible to come back fro that once it has happened. It was never my choice to give my children god k own how many step mothers.

Fair enough good point.

I guess it's down to trusting the other parent who was good enough to have kids with at the time to not turn into a right dick.

My DSC are happy and always like their time with us, I get on well with them but yes I will never treat them like my own child.

I guess it's down to trusting the other parent who was good enough to have kids with at the time to not turn into a right dick

yeah, that never happens

Personally, I would just pay for them all and enjoy it.

I just seems terribly petty and ungenerous to me to start thinking about who you'll pay for and who you won't.

That's why I said it's down to trusting. I'm aware it happens, my DH's ex has been a right nightmare at times but ultimately they just have to trust that they both are trying to do the best for their kids.

I'm not made of money and need to save for my own child's future. DH is more than capable of paying for his kids. This isn't in question.

How would you or your children feel if your DH had inherited and decided on a family holiday but didn't want to pay for and had decided to exclude your children?

IMO, it doesn't sound like a family at all!

If it's a question of money, look at a cheaper holiday but include everyone.

This 'my own' and 'his' strikes me a bizarre. When you cook Xmas dinner do you decide to only cook it for your own children while he should cook for his?