Inheritance

[BananaFluff]

I have inherited some money - not loads. But I want to save some of it to take my shared DC away on holiday with DH when they are a bit older. The once in a lifetime kind of holiday, maybe Disneyland not decided yet will see what they like when they are older. I don't want to pay for my DSC and I don't want them coming tbh. It would change the vibe DC will be in primary school and they'll be much older teens possibly even in 6th form. Anyway. I mentioned to DH this was my plan and he was like oh can I bring DSC if they want to come and offered to pay. So I have begrudgingly said well start saving and we'll see when the time comes if they want to come but I want it to be the holiday I choose because it's my relatives money I'm spending and your kids are tagging along. So far so good but it got me thinking, he should be paying for half of shared DC too shouldn't he? I'm a bit miffed he didnt even think about that.

Did you miss the bit where I said I assume that's not actually the case?

You're saying things to prove a point that actually prove the opposite.

We aren't talking about divorce here. We're talking about within an ongoing marriage. And no, during a marriage everything does not have to be JOINT. Even on divorce, a step parent (typically) would not be expected to provide an ongoing contribution toward their step children like a NRP would for their biological children. Probably because legally speaking, as a step parent, I don't have financial responsibility for my husband's children. He and their mother do.

That's why in our house, we share bills equally but anything else involving his children is typically paid for between him and their mother. If my husband came to me and asked me to contribute equally to their school uniform, wardrobe, school trip I'd tell him to swivel personally. Thankfully he understands that his children with another woman aren't my financial responsibility, only the child we share together.

That's not to say I don't choose every now and then to spend money on them, like Christmas and birthdays and random treats. But in general, I have no financial responsibility toward my husband's children and that's exactly how I like it and a main reason we keep finances somewhat separate.

And if he didn't like that he could have chosen not to marry me. Thankfully he's in agreement that his children are, in the main, the responsibility of their parents.

Also why CMS doesn't take into account a stepparents earnings (thank god).

No one’s getting divorced!

Well if my DP expected me to want to spend my inheritance on my DSC and took issue with me not, then we might be heading for divorce. Two can play at that game, we all choose the terms of our own relationships.

How the actual fuck did you arrive at that conclusion?

Pay for everyone for goodness sake. I would not like to be married to you. Treat all the kids equally.

How can you not see how vile your post is?

Those poor kids.

How can you not see how melodramatic your post is?

Or she could not do this and her husband can continue to pay for his kids in the perfectly acceptable manner they are all happy with.

He is only saying he will pay for his own kids because you are saying they can't come! How unpleasant

Love how everyone has a go and says that you should be spending your inheritance money that you’ve earmarked for YOUR child on your step children, what a load of rubbish. Massive first wives club mentality, you are only wanting a treat and then the rest of the money you are saving for Uni etc, why should you spend your child’s uni fund on your step childrens holiday, utter madness - just ignore the “you’re a wicked step mother brigade”

if I was taking a 6 yr old to Disney I wouldn’t want a moody arse 16-18 year SC ruining it either

Where has she said that?

I could not disagree with you more. I have a half brother and my dad is his stepdad. He was not treated any differently by my dad growing up. He is not financially excluded because ‘he’s a step’ He even calls my dad his dad. I realize not my experience of family is not the same.

Replying as I was quoted.

I'm glad you realise your experience of family is not the same.

No. DH is paying for the DSC he doesn't mind. They are his kids after all. He often pays for things for them out of "his" money. It's much easier for us to have 3 accounts. He can spend money on their school trips etc without me paying for it.

Also, and I know I keep saying I'm not posting any more but some of these posts are waaay off the mark - he OFFERED to pay for the DSC, at no point was it ever a question of me paying. He'd probably be insulted if I said I'd pay as he likes to be able to provide for his own children.

Holiday aside, you sound pretty unhappy. Maybe spend some of your windfall on a counsellor to get to the bottom of why you feel like you do.

With regards to the money, DH and I have separate finances too. We muck in and just pay what needs paying. We don’t keep score, just as we don’t keep score on housework, nights out and other things I see other people falling out about.

I treat my SC exactly the same as my DD. If they need something I can give them, they get it without any thought of tit for tat, whose paying what. They’re too old to holiday with us all the time but SS often tags along and I look forward to seeing him and his HS bond and make memories.

Grown up SD is DH SD too and is still treated the same, bc that’s what love and trust means when you bring up a child, yours or not.

No you don’t have to take SC. It does seem really mean to tell DH to cough up the the other half for a family trip. Can’t imagine doing that to DH, I’d be treating my family. Having said that we have always shared everything so it wouldn’t even come up.

She really isn't, you sound ridiculous

I don't think he should contribute to your shared DCs on this occasion. You suggested it as a treat for them, so keep it at that.

I don't necessarily agree as others have said, that you should pay for the SC. Some SP would, depending on the amount of inheritance or depending on if they were feeling generous enough.

My SIL is a SP and I know she is the kind of person who would do that. There is a large age gap between the kids as well, but I know she likes my niece (her DSD) to help babysit. Your SC, if they're 6th form age, will probably be happy to wander off from you guys (and do their own thing) when you're doing the kiddy stuff and meet up with you for lunch.... that's what holidays with teenagers is like.I don't see why your DH would not be equally focused on your kids too.

I can also understand you wanting a holiday just with your own kids as well....but for him, they're ALL his kids, so he'd like them all they're if possible.

It seems you've reluctantly agreed they can tag along, because you felt backed into a corner when he asked.

Oh are you? I’m so glad you’re glad, it really means a lot to me. It’s interesting that your snarky replies to anyone who challenges your thinking are allowed. Why even post if you are not willing to consider that people will not agree with you.

How is that snarky? If anyone's being snarky because someone doesn't agree with them, it's you!