Inheritance

[BananaFluff]

I have inherited some money - not loads. But I want to save some of it to take my shared DC away on holiday with DH when they are a bit older. The once in a lifetime kind of holiday, maybe Disneyland not decided yet will see what they like when they are older. I don't want to pay for my DSC and I don't want them coming tbh. It would change the vibe DC will be in primary school and they'll be much older teens possibly even in 6th form. Anyway. I mentioned to DH this was my plan and he was like oh can I bring DSC if they want to come and offered to pay. So I have begrudgingly said well start saving and we'll see when the time comes if they want to come but I want it to be the holiday I choose because it's my relatives money I'm spending and your kids are tagging along. So far so good but it got me thinking, he should be paying for half of shared DC too shouldn't he? I'm a bit miffed he didnt even think about that.

How mean! He shouldn’t need to ask and offer to pay in the first place! You should include them from the start.

In our house all money is shared. I can’t imagine asking my husband to pay for something we are a team.

@RainyDaysareCarp in that case are you a step parent. I am and I would never dream of not inviting my DSC. They are as part of my family as my own children. The money would be coming from mine and DH joint account in our case. I think this whole post is ridiculous to be honest.

Just because you share all your money doesn’t make it the right way to do it or better.

Each to their own.

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned, but what if you had a DC from a previous relationship & your DH came into some inheritance & said he's taking you & your shared DC on holiday but your DC, his DSC isn't coming, how would you feel?
Yes I understand you are entitled to a holiday without your DSC & I'm sure you will have holiday's without them, but as you say this is a once in a lifetime holiday for your family. Is DSC not apart of your family?
As said if your DH treated your DC like you are treating his, I'm sure you wouldn't be happy.

I think you should do as you say.
Put the money somewhere safe. Forget about it. If in 5 years time you want to spend it on a holiday, do so.
Me and dh have shared finances. Apart from his inheritance. He chose to spend some of that on a holiday for all of us. He chose to buy me a car. He has chosen to save the rest of it against hard times.

Those poor DSC :( They’re going to have so many Dad-issues when they’re older

That's not why people think OP is being mean. It's not that her DH will be paying for HIS kids it's because she wants him to also pay half for their SHARED kids while she will just be treating HER kids to the dream holiday. Maybe read the OP comments first.

What's mean about this? I can see why people would describe not inviting them as mean, but not this.

I just wanted to say that Disney really is the happiest place on earth. I was really snooty before we went but would go back in a heartbeat. Having a mix of older and younger kids would be just fine. They can go off on their own or you can all do family rides.

Slightly off topic but trying to be reassuring.

I don’t think he should pay for half of everything, you decided you wanted this holiday as a treat. Quite honestly my husband would hate a Disney holiday but he’d go for the sake of our kids, he wouldn’t see it as a ‘treat’ though (to be honest I’m with him!!).
I’m also not even sure he should have to pay for ‘his’ kids, don’t you consider yourself a blended family? Honestly this is where I think the going halves should be, ie use some your joint money to pay for his children. But if he’s offered to pay so be it and you should do it and hope his kids don’t find out as you’re hardly making them welcome are you? We went with our 4 kids a couple of years ago, eldest being about 19then, they still loved it!
I find your post a bit sad to be honest, I’m sorry to say. When you state you don’t really want them to come that’s not good, I imagine they pick up on your vibe.

What's the logic behind her paying in full for everyone except her DSC, who she needs to pay half for to prove she considers them family? Sounds a bit pedantic - a distinction is still being drawn so what's the difference.

Just wow.

How would you feel if your husband inherited some money and only wanted to take his older children on holiday completely ignoring the children you two have?

If you enter a relationship with a man who has children, you take those children on too as a part of your family, not an inconvenience. Your husband and his children dreserve better.

As for him sharing the cost. You are married you share everything, it doesn't matter what account it comes out of. If you get this inheritance and he leaves you before a holiday he is entitled to half.

@aSofaNearYou i did start the paragraph ‘I’m not sure he should have to pay for his kids’ meaning I think it should all be paid out of the inheritance but I don’t think I made myself clear! I agree, I don’t think you should come to different arrangements for different kids but as he’s already offered to pay for his kids I guess that’s already out there.

That wouldn't be the same would it, they are ALL his children. Only the younger are OPs. If he picked two of his children and not the other two, that wouldn't be fair. However op only has two children.

It becomes complicated when the man has children from a previous relationship though. OP should keep her inheritance close to her chest in these circumstances.

So leaving two of your own children out is exactly the same as not taking someone else's children on holiday?

No, it's really not. She's also absolutely not denying him time with them.

I feel sorry for your children if their dad doesn't spend any time with them, but presumably that's not the case at all and he does other things with them which is not the same as what you suggest above.

As my eldest child's father died it would be very difficult for her to spend time with him.

How would you feel if your husband inherited some money and only wanted to take his older children on holiday completely ignoring the children you two have?

that’s a completely different scenario. The father is the father to all 4 kids so why would he only take the older two when the younger two are his as well.

Just because you are married don’t mean you have to share all finances, times have moved on from the dark ages and we are all allowed to keep our own salaries if we want too!

She’s not denying him time with them.

Yes .. that's entirely the same scenario....

How is this the same as the father to all of the children leaving some out? OP isn't the mother to all of these children. She is allowed to want to do things with her children.

And times have moved on, separate finances in marriage isn't all that uncommon these days. Me and my husband do the same. Joint for bills/expenses relating to joint child, separate for spends (and for his existing children for him - I'm sure you'll be horrified to know I don't contribute toward them outside of normal bills).

He earns more than me so sends my personal account some money every month so it's more 'even' but we both prefer it this way. We can spend our disposable on whatever we like/on whoever we like/save whatever we like.

For similar reasons to OP (financially abusive ex) ill never completely join finances with anyone. I want access to my own money at all times!

It's all well and good stating that's how you do it, but in the case of a divorce court everything is equal, and if anyone talked about my oldest in the way this 'lady' is talking about her step kids, that is where I would be heading.

I was talking about your babies who you said your husband left with you?

But they're not getting divorced. And if they did op would never see those children again.

Also, good for you, but some of us are realistic that other people won't love our children just like we do.