Inheritance

[BananaFluff]

I have inherited some money - not loads. But I want to save some of it to take my shared DC away on holiday with DH when they are a bit older. The once in a lifetime kind of holiday, maybe Disneyland not decided yet will see what they like when they are older. I don't want to pay for my DSC and I don't want them coming tbh. It would change the vibe DC will be in primary school and they'll be much older teens possibly even in 6th form. Anyway. I mentioned to DH this was my plan and he was like oh can I bring DSC if they want to come and offered to pay. So I have begrudgingly said well start saving and we'll see when the time comes if they want to come but I want it to be the holiday I choose because it's my relatives money I'm spending and your kids are tagging along. So far so good but it got me thinking, he should be paying for half of shared DC too shouldn't he? I'm a bit miffed he didnt even think about that.

For context we have a shared bank account and seperate ones. We both work in pretty decent jobs.

Eh? You've got the money to pay but you think your husband should also pay half? It's extra money. Just pay for the holiday and stop overthinking who should pay for what?

woman here, with dc. If you were step parent to my children and showed such disregard for them I would not want you in my life let alone on a holiday!!

these are kids you are talking about and I can see exactly why he doesn’t want to exclude them

I’m sure you are well aware of his financial situation so you will be aware of whether he can afford to pay for his kids or not

But its in a savings account for things my DC might need. It's earmarked for them. Once it is gone it's gone.

Yes I know he wants to being them which is why I compromised and said ok but he pays. And he agreed. I don't get what the issue is. They will be coming if they want to.

Maybe I shouldn't have included all the backstop but I didn't want it to come up later and people have a go at me for not saying it.

Basically - should he be paying for half of our shared DC to go on holiday and not just for his DSC?

You want to towards your DC out of your inheritance and you want it to be your choice where you go. Why do you think he should pay half for shared DC?

You have missed out one of the main points about age difference . She is also entitled to take her own children on holiday with inherited money without taking her SC. Don't be ridiculous or are you one of those first wives who want to dictate what happens going forward?

Because he's paying in full for his other kids. If it's turning into a whole family holiday why shouldn't he? That's my question really.

Try putting yourself in your DH's shoes and reversing this. So, imagine DH got a small inheritance and said "let's save it and treat our shared DC to a once in a lifetime holiday". Great you think. Then he says, "start saving because you've got to pay half". I'd be pretty pissed off at that, and I bet you would be too.

I was going to give my opinion on how the money should be split but then I realised that it doesn't matter. You don't want them to go, they're your husbands kids.

If you & your husband ever break up, imagine someone else thinking like that about your children.

Horrendous.

I suspect if you have primary kids his 6th form kids may well not want to come and would prefer to be off somewhere with their mates. As it's not on the cards yet I wouldn't give much headspace to it yet.

Also I agree that OP is allowed to have some holidays with just their shared children in the same way the stepchildren would have holidays with their mum. Not everyone has to do everything together all the time.

We are a blended family of his, mine and ours and we have done various combinations depending on a mixture of our choice or availability.

@WhenDovesFly That's a good way of looking at it thank you. Makes sense written down like that. I guess I was looking at it more that if we'd started from scratch and decided to book a family holiday together he'd be paying some. But yes I totally get that thank you so much.

If it were a normal holiday I would agree with you but I thought the point was this was a dream trip you wouldn't normally be able to afford, designed to your specifications and paid for by this bonus windfall?

If it's complicating things that he's changing the nature of the trip, I would go without him (and his kids) or just be honest about the fact that you don't really want to go with them. With a smaller age gap that might be problematic but personally I don't think it should be an issue if you're waiting until they're sixth form age anyway.

@aSofaNearYou I guess it kind of muddied it a bit when I agreed his kids could come if he paid

They are coming if they want to. I agreed that.

If he's paying half he gets a say in where you go and it needs to be something his kids want to do as well. If he doesn't pay you choose to suit your DC and he invites SDC if they want to come.

Because if the SC weren't coming you would pay for the whole holiday without complaint.

By trying to make him pat half for shared DC too, you're basically you're trying to make the holiday cost DH extra so he can't save enough to bring all the kids.

Just own it fgs, you're manipulating the situation so you get what you want either way.

If it is a special trip due to the inheritance then he shouldn't share the cost - it is your treat. Do the sdc normally come on holiday with you? If they are older they will be independent and need less supervision.

Because if the SC weren't coming you would pay for the whole holiday without complaint.

Exactly this

If this was a guy coming on saying he didn’t want the step children to go and he didn’t want to pay for the step children the place would be in uproar.

in our house money is both our money, we don’t have his and hers.

No I'm not! I've agreed they can come.He is more than capable of saving. If we save and then decide when we're ready on what holiday we can afford then I don't see what the issue is. Anything I spend out of DC's pot will be less for them in the future. DH has no savings for the DSC for uni etc so that money is DC's uni fund.

I've agreed they can come! But no I'm not paying as DC will have less money then.

I'm not trying to manipulate the situation so they can't come ffs. I've said ok they can come if they want to! I've done exactly what I thought I should do and compromise and say yes ok they can come.

Agreed. Op sounds incredibly mean - money wise and in the way she views her DSC. Not sure why some people get involved with people who already have children