Inheritance

[BananaFluff]

I have inherited some money - not loads. But I want to save some of it to take my shared DC away on holiday with DH when they are a bit older. The once in a lifetime kind of holiday, maybe Disneyland not decided yet will see what they like when they are older. I don't want to pay for my DSC and I don't want them coming tbh. It would change the vibe DC will be in primary school and they'll be much older teens possibly even in 6th form. Anyway. I mentioned to DH this was my plan and he was like oh can I bring DSC if they want to come and offered to pay. So I have begrudgingly said well start saving and we'll see when the time comes if they want to come but I want it to be the holiday I choose because it's my relatives money I'm spending and your kids are tagging along. So far so good but it got me thinking, he should be paying for half of shared DC too shouldn't he? I'm a bit miffed he didnt even think about that.

It’s no fair on your husband - he loves all his children.

how would you feel if it’s the reverse?

Having suffered financial abuse at the hands of an ex the seperate bank accounts are non negotiable

True but as a step parent she has taken on a responsibility to have a role in someone's childrens lives. Leaving them out could be potentially hurtful to them, it's basically saying 'we are not including you' I don't understand why anyone would do that?

Of course it is for me to say, it is the entire point of the post! I wouldn't say anything to a friend, unless they asked for example, but OP literally created the post to elicit opinions. She explicitly asked "he should be paying for half of shared DC too shouldn't he?"

So yes, I am saying exactly what I think in response. You do not offer a treat and then wreck it in my opinion. I think her attitude toward DSC sucks.

They are all his kids though….

should he be paying for half of our shared DC to go on holiday and not just for his DSC?

no, because you have allocated the inheritance specifically to take your shared DC away. You wouldn't be going otherwise.

Sorry, but you lost me at school be tagging along - it made me cringe a little. You said you both have decent paying job so you can afford to take dsc if dh pays. As a 6th former they aren't a little kid who needs entertaining, they would be a fun young adult sibling coming along, which would probably make it more special for your dc. (I'm thinking back to taking older teen nephew to theme parks when mine were little, and how much fun he made it for them). You married a dad, so I think him and his dc must come as a package for special occasions.

I agree with you OP.
If he can afford to pay for his kids then he can pay half towards his kids with you.
I don’t see why he is only paying your SC but no thought into paying for your joint children.
That way there’s more money in the pot for when your kids go to uni etc which will benefit him anyway in the long run as he won’t have to pay when they are older.

Not sure what the 1st wives club is

Its a pathetic insult wheeled out in an attempt to discredit posters when others disagree with their comments.

^^ autocorrect made that look weird, should be dsc would be tagging along!

True but as a step parent she has taken on a responsibility to have a role in someone's childrens lives. Leaving them out could be potentially hurtful to them, it's basically saying 'we are not including you' I don't understand why anyone would do that?

She's not leaving them out, she's just expecting their dad to pay for them. Step families are full of moments like that where it may be the parents paying for their kids clothes, school trips etc, we don't need to be childish and get upset that the step parent doesn't pay for everything, it's just a part of the set up the kids need not even be aware of.

But personally - depending on the SC and if they happen to still be into Disney in their late teens - I don't actually think there would be a problem leaving them behind at their age, I think similar could happen with full siblings with such a big age gap.

If DSC weren't going, you were happy to pay 100% of the cost of the holiday. If DSC are coming, you want your h to save and pay for DSC and pay half of your shared kids costs which sound like you are trying to exclude the DSC by stealth. Might as well go the whole hog and get your h to pay half the cost of him going 😈

I've not taken kids with a big gap to Disney but with a big gap, is it going to end up with your h doing more adult things with the older kids while you and your kids do younger things (ie 2 groups) ? As it's going to be a few years, I wouldn't worry too much now because dsc might say no and save you the argument anyway. Is your h a good saver who will be able to save enough without affecting your household budget?

Much like "wicked step mother" which has also been wheeled out.

I'm normally in the some kids/ all kids go camp in these kind of situations.

However having been to WDW, and with mixed aged DC's there are practical issues you need to consider.

Rooms- family rooms in the Disney resort are for 2 adults 2 DC's. You couldn't stay on site with a bigger family unless you got a lodge at animal kingdom or similar which are crazy ££££££.

But if you were going to get a villa off site anyway it doesn't matter do much.

Cars- standard car hire is 2 adults, 2 DC's. It costs a lot more to get a 7 seater, but they are much nicer!

Parks- some are more for young DC (magic Kingdom). I wouldn't bother taking teens there. Some (IOS) are more for older teens. Queues at all the parks are huge (90 mins not unusual). This in Florida heat. It is very very difficult to manage this when some want to go on some rides and other DC on other rides. The logistics are very hard work. Keeping everyone happy is very hard work. And you may end up resenting spending a small fortune to have all the DC's feeling like it's a holiday of continual compromises.

Finally imo the best time to go is in spring. Exactly when teens have exams/ are revising.

"When they are a bit older and in 6th form".

I am an over thinking by nature. But this a. sounds a long way off b. You don't even know what the DSC would be interested in at ages c. 16-18 and May not want to come to Disney.

Personally I'd say to him to start saving and then see what happens in the future. A couple of years is a long time in the life of kids. Maybe your DH could take them to Cape Verde or somewhere teenagers actually want to go.

Is that because you have no experience of this? I understand it because I've been in a step parenting situation.

Its your inheritance OP. ID take my children and go somewhere witht hem. you can both pay for another holiday and take all the children again. Depends on the money situation you all are in. Dont be guilted into taking all kids when you only want your own.

With the money you save From your partner paying for half of his kids with you.

You can also book a mini break away somewhere where it’s just your DC and that way you get the break away with your kids that you want and they still get to go away on the bigger holiday.

@Ineverwannabelikeyou

No I have experience. I've seen the impact on my dd when their dad and step mum have deliberately left them out. And I've seen the impact when I had a son with my husband and (his) family started to treat them differently once they had 'their own' grandchildren . Basically being a step kid can leave leave children feeling like an outsider in their own family . And it's the responsibility of the parent s and step parents to not do that. If you don't want to take on step kids that's fine don't marry a person with kids.

So you're not a step parent. Makes sense.

Op sounds incredibly mean - money wise and in the way she views her DSC. Not sure why some people get involved with people who already have children

I agree. People seem to think they can get involved with people who already have children and just write the kids out of the family.

How is she writing them out? Because she doesn't want to take them on holiday with her children's inheritance?

But in that case their dad can just pay for them and they can still go. So it's a non issue. You don't have to be willing to pay for the kids yourself to marry someone who has them.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Neither does anything to strengthen an argument.

@aSofaNearYou

agreed it's a great solution. Don't think op should have to pay if they have separate money. The fact that she doesn't want them to come tho..... it depends if she's saying it to us to let off steam then fair enough. There's no better place to say it. But if it's obvious to the kids she doesn't want them there then that's different.